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@babypugs: listen to @gotkimchi: she knows what she’s talking about! Lol

@babypugs: re lowering expectations, here is my balance tip: decide what you *need* to make you feel like you're not losing your mind, prioritize that, and then lower expectations for all else and let a shitload of other stuff fall by the wayside and be the sacrificial lamb to what will surely be the busiest few years of your entire life.

For me, priorities are spending my free time with my 1-year-old, having a clean and organized home and office, and having decent quality time with my husband maybe 3 nights a week after the baby is in bed. If I lower my expectations about those things because I'm trying to do *everything*, I get really depressed. I guess I decided I'd rather do 3 things well and 20 things not at all than 23 things badly, if that makes sense.

Maybe for you, you would feel better if you had time to go running, or read a novel, or if you saw your friends a little more? I have many mom friends who don't care in the least if the laundry isn't put away but they must go to yoga to be sane.

And here are my antisocial but highly effective tips:
-answer urgent personal emails on your commute if you take public transit, or during pumping at work, or any other crap wasted time you might have--I think most people use that time for facebook/instagram and stuff, but I use it to clean out my inbox and it works.
-don't answer anything that isn't urgent--like don't answer at all--and let go of the guilt
-don't answer every single text, either. you pay for your phone for your own convenience, not so you have to be a slave to being in constant communication with everyone all the time.
-make an agreement with close friends and family not to do thank you notes
-if at ALL possible switch off with your husband on kid meal prep and kid dishes/bottle/pump washing (in our house I do M T Th and husband does W F--but if you're BFing he could do more)
-also if at all possible with his schedule, just make sure your husband is working as hard as you are. maybe he can take over all the kiddo doctor appointments or something big like that if it works for you guys.
-binge watch a netflix show while you fold laundry,or on a laptop/ipad while you do dishes
-dump or ghost the friends or acquaintances you don't care that much about anymore. I have told people (not A-listers) that I haven't had any personal time to hang out in 8 months and I don't know when that will change. it isn't cruel, it's true and it's just real life. not every friendship was meant to last for years and years.
-don't acquire new friends unless you truly like them
-ask your parents/in laws to get you a roomba for christmas.

hang in there!

1. Assign tasks between you and DH. Obviously things happen but it's helpful to remove things from the mental load and know someone else is in charge of certain tasks. For the most part my husband does dishes and laundry, garbage, and gas. He works two jobs and has a 150 mile commute a few times a week. It can be done.

2. Daycare bags and lunches are packed the night before. We keep shoes, jackets, and a bucket of socks in the car. I have all the weeks PJs and outfits for each kid in a hanging canvas organizer in their closet. I fill it once a week.

3. I like going into the work week with at least one meal cooked and ready to go to just reheat Monday night. That will usually yield leftovers for one more dinner or lunches. We keep easy fruits and veg for the kids - bananas, clementines, apples, baby cucumbers, baby carrots - easily packed and easily served. Cinnamon toast and eggs and green smoothies are acceptable for dinner once a week. I also like doing a hearty soup as a one pot meal like chicken and rice soup with lots of veggies, Italian wedding, or chili. I make them with just meat and veg and freeze half then usually just add a starch like pasta or rice to it.

4. Subscribe and save the massive 4 packs of Lysol wipes and short of bathing your kids in them, that's what you clean with now. Toilets, counters, whatever. Clorox bleach tablets on the toilet tank will keep the bowl clean. Windex wipes are key to making your house look presentable 20 seconds before someone comes over - just run them over mirrors and your sliding glass door. Clorox dusting cloths are the best for dusting surfaces.

5. Picking up toys is part of our bedtime routine. We sing the clean up song and we all clean.

6. Get a stash of paper plates. There are seasons when that's just what u need to do.

7. Work uniforms. I wear like 5 outfits and 2 pairs of shoes and I don't think about what I'm wearing to the office. I wash my hair at night, take 5 minutes to fluff it and draw my eyebrows in and go to work. If I want or need more makeup I will do it there.

8. Subscribe and save all diapers and cleaning supplies and kids painkillers and laundry soap and dishwasher detergent and hand soap. Costco all the snacks, pouches, bread, pantry items.

9. Sleeptrain.

10. Be diligent about vitamins and getting enough sleep and water. This goes for the kids too. If anyone gets sick it's like a two week derailment for the family.

11. Focus on keeping clean the space(s) that bring you the most joy. For me, a clean kitchen makes me feel so much less stressed and if I have a clean bedroom I'm on cloud 9. If everything else is messy but those two things are clean I feel like I'm going to make it.

@babypugs: it is so hard! I love a clean house but have had to lower my expectations with that and everything else. We do not have money to hire a cleaner. I meal prep like others have suggested, use Amazon Prime, and split home responsibilities with DH. He puts 1 little one to bed and I put the other. He would wash the bottles when I had to pump. He would help our older son in the middle of the night when I breastfed or pumped. He would also take our older son out a lot on weekends so I just had to focus on our youngest and could catch up on sleep or a chore.
With work I had to lower my expectation of myself too for awhile. My coworkers were very understanding. I was able to catch up on work after the kids were in bed or early in the am when I needed to. All my PTO went to taking care of sick kids or taking care of a sick me that first year.
I like @LCTBQE’s advice of prioritizing a few things and letting go of expectations for most things. Though I love a clean house my house is not clean but I do workout a few times a week - not as much as I would like but I get some me time/a work out and I feel so much better after an hour of that.

Honestly, just hang in there. I promise it gets better, and I could have written this post exactly when I started back after number 2 almost 5 months ago now and things have improved tremendously. I just kept reminding myself the chaos is temporary and it will get better. And t did, that’s not to say we don’t have days that are crazy and that I have it all under control but as #2 gets older it is getting a lot easier so just keep reminding yourself that. Hugs!

I feel you. I work out of home, have 2 kids, am a pastor's wife (so I take on DH's "work stress" too b/c it's our church, on top of my own work stress). I literally have been in the negatives with "me" time since my first was born almost 3 years ago. I totally had a very recent mental breakdown and now DH & I are working on how I can carve out some time for me. Like you, I also don't have extra finances to spare.

The one saving grace is that DH's schedule is very flexible so he does all drop off/pick ups, grocery shopping and all the cooking. I've already lowered my expectations with chores a lot, but I get anxiety over clutter, etc. It was really bad when both kids were taking forever to go to sleep; but now DD1 doesn't nap so she conks out within a few minutes. DH asks me in advance what I need help with that night and he does as much as he can. After DD2 is finally down, I go down, finish up, and have maybe half an hour till DD2 cries again!

So what helps is I give DH specific things that he has to help me with. And in the morning I'm usually last to get ready and look hideous most days (my work is casual), but now DH is good about giving me 10-15 min to get ready (albeit I usually string along DD1 who asks me a million questions and insists of putting blush on me...). He will remind me to go wash my face at night (embarrassed to admit how many nights I don't wash my face/brush my teeth....). And now we're looking at the calendar to really try to pin down when we can both take some alone time, and when we can have time together without kids. This has to be SO intentional or it just fall through the cracks and we just take it day by day and fall into the same cycle.

In addition to what's already been written, pack your car with as much as you can the night before.

I second the work uniforms and putting outfits together for the kids in a hanging canvas shelf system. I do that as well and it's such a time saver.

Not sure if this has been said, but my best suggestion for 2 kids in daycare/both work/commute is to have a staging area for the items necessary each day. We don't have one of those mudroom areas I see on pinterest, so for us, it's just my giant bag with snacks, daycare items, diapers, etc. The very first thing I do upon arriving home is unpack it and repack it for the next day.

The house is far from spotless, but as I'm moving around, I always try to grab something and put it away as I walk.

Clothes for the next day have to be out the night before.

Certain tasks are always my husband's. We divide and conquer every chance we get. He always does bathtime and gets both kids ready for bed. I'm always doing the kitchen/toy cleanup at that time. In the morning, he makes food/coffee and empties the dishwasher while I wake the kids up and get them ready for the day. It never changes, and I don't weigh in on how he does something nor does he comment on areas I handle.

Also, I basically go through the week feeling like I can't do this (the crazy, hectic weekdays are just survival mode) but then somehow the weekend arrives, and I did it. Then it starts all over again!