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@scg00387: I don't have experience with my own kids but I find as a teacher I can feel the impact of phrasing things positively on my own day. I do t feel so burnt out and frustrated by the end of the day.

I really like the point of double processing. Just because I say "don't do x," doesn't mean my students know I want them to do y.

I think we could all take a lesson from this, it's so important not to lead with "No, you can't do that."

I make it a point to give my son reasonable directions. Instead of "don't hit" I tell him that we use our hands for gentle touches, as an example.

I practice the things this article suggests. I try to stay calm and redirect to a better idea. Kids kinda like you to be on their level, talk to them how you'd wanna be talked to, (even if you were a child). I think it works.

@Leialou: @cmomma17: I think the idea is instead of saying "no" you redirect. So for example, instead of saying "stop running" you say "we walk slowly inside" or something like that.

@pui: I get the idea I just wanted to hear some of her examples. My LO hears no too much already. He loves shaking his head "no no no" and will also give us a "tour" of the "no's" of our house - cat's dishes are a no no, hot coffee mug is a no no, lamp cord is a no no, toilet is a no no ....
I try to get him to shake his head yes and he tells me no!

I try to do these things, although I'm not opposed to all nos, and my LO is still going through a no phase...says no even when it's a yes. Good reminders though!

We try very hard to follow this practice. It can be challenging, especially when you are tired! We also try to say "we" a lot- as in, "we sit at the table for dinner," "we brush our teeth before bed," etc to help build a family culture. When kids are older, this can be a way to counter the "but my friends...."
It also helps to make a safe place for your kid, so that you can say yes more. If I don't have to worry about what she is getting into because her whole room is safe, I don't have to follow her around saying "no."

Also- dressing kids in clothes you don't mind getting ruined means less saying "no" when they start getting into the mud.

All of that said, I'm the parent, I'm in charge, and sometimes I say no. There are boundaries and limitations that I'm responsible for establishing, Especially when it's about real threats to safety (hers, mine, or someone else's). When she bites me, I say no(because it hurts!) When she is about to grab an electrical outlet at a friends house (she got there when I wasn't watching) I say no. When, despite my showing her and reminding her to be gentle with a dog she grabs or hits his face, I say no. There isn't anything inherently wrong with saying "no." But when it's overused it doesn't teach anything. I think using it as a word about safety and respecting other peoples safety leads well into con stations about consent as kids get older, too.

Oh, one last thought- I think toddlers experience the world in their bodies, not through language. So I always try to show her what I'm asking her to do at the same time that I'm saying it.

Like @Mamaof2 I also say "don't" and then redirect. I worked at a preschool years ago and they didn't like us using no all the time. So we'd say "Its not okay to...", "We don't do...". I also think saying "stop" sometimes is okay too. And always offering examples of what it is okay to do.

This is awesome. I need to work on saying no less to my 18 month old more than I am and redirecting more! I try only to use "No" when it is a safety thing or when he tries to hit me in the face. Otherwise, I always try to redirect, but there are days where I know I say "no" way too much.

@lilteacherbee: I need to provide you with a list of the ridiculous things my LO does and have you write responses for me!

Yes, please, a list would be great! A list with all the positive redirecting on this thread would be amazing. My DH says "No" way too much, I need to explain to him why that doesn't work. @cmomma17: @lilteacherbee:

@silva, I have held E's hands so many times while saying we pet the kitty nicely and I'll be damned if it didn't help her figure it out. Or she will try to get us to pet him. 90% of the time, it's a nice pet. I like to think it helped to show her

Anyways, I, like most of us, weren't raised with this concept so it'll take time.

@blackbird: it makes sense that we have to teach them what they should do, rather than just saying what they shouldn't do. T still doesn't have "gentle" down. We don't have any pets, so I teach her whenever we are with friends animals, and using those "touch and feel" books. I really want her to be respectful of animals, for their safety and her own!
She has been hitting my face lately, which sucks. She is learning the words for our facial features, so she tries to point at/ grab my nose 100 times a day and it often leads to hitting.
If she hurts me I have no problem saying "no" and putting her down and walking away. My feelings are important too!

It isn't instinct for me yet- I sometimes have to stop and think about what to say instead of no. But that's good, I guess- it keeps me more engaged with her.

Yeah I hear ya. I am NOT patient. Sometimes I'm gonna yell and be irritable. I guess my kid will learn that mommy isn't perfect I've never seen it implemented or anything, and I still say no and don't a lot, but I figure it's less than it would be otherwise. Steps in the right direction and all

What is WITH the face hitting?! She's made my eyes water a few times from bonking me on the nose soooo hard. Usually when I'm laying on the floor. But yeah definitely not instinct to deal with her yet!

YES we do mine also likes to hit me with a board book. It's unpleasant...she head butted me so hard the other night in the face that I almost dropped her, haha. Mom of the year

This is a work in progress for me....a lot of times I default to the "no thank you" in a sing-songey voice. And of course redirecting or "thank you for doing x" (opposite of thing actually being done. But I still reserve the right to say NO forcefully for a few reasons...going toward the road, toward our pool, and getting into the trash can. I still have LOTS of slip ups though....@MrsScallop: ours says no no because of the dog too! And the ILs are the worst. They will say to him, "say no no doggie!" And he will!

@Mrs. Sketchbook: Ha, yeah, my ILs do the same thing! LO will actively shake her finger at the dog. The worst was when she heard a mother at the park say no to her daughter. My LO then walked over and said "No no no" to the little girl while shaking her finger at her.