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Big naming problem

  1. lamariniere

    pineapple / 12566 posts

    @Mrs. Champagne: This is what I was going to suggest. New first name, use your husband's first and middle as your son's two middle names.

    In a completely random coincidence, my DH has 2 middle names and they happened to be my two favorite boy names (before I even met my DH! It was clearly meant to be ). We used his two middle names as our son's first and middle and everyone was happy. My DH never uses his middle names except on documents, so no one even makes the connection unless we tell them.

  2. Ajsmommy

    pomegranate / 3355 posts

    We just had our DS and DH's family has a tradition with naming the first born boys in their family. I honored it because the name for DS is nice and I didn't have any bad feelings about it. DS is also NOT a jr.

    Based on what you've posted, I would stand your ground. You said yourself that you can't picture calling DS your husbands name. And you think it's "regular" and you want your DS to have a different name. Based on those feelings I would stand your ground.

    My MIL might have been in your situation... Here's a little back story. So the tradition in DH's father's family is to name the first son the fathers middle name. So DH has his father's middle name as his first name. HOWEVER, he was never called that and his mom never intended to even use that name, it is just his name on paper. He goes by a shortened version of his MIDDLE name that his mom chose. So in sense she went with the tradition but bucked it by not using that name. My issue is that we now have DS who has DH's middle name which is the name that DH technically goes by. I personally hate that DH's first name is not used.. it's awkward. Like when we got married, am I marrying First legal name, or middle used name. And for insurance and all other things it's annoying to have to use his unused first name all the time. But all that said it just shows that there are ways around using a name you don't want to

  3. Revel

    pear / 1563 posts

    I'm really angry for you reading this! My husband and I are struggling with naming our first boy/last baby, and he's rejected a lot of my first choices (we have very different tastes) but we are both moving on from the firm "no" votes the other has because you have to compromise. Your husband is being unreasonable.

  4. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @babybunnylove: Reading that your daughter is named after DH's side of the family, I'm now thinking he's being pretty unreasonable about this. I'd stand my ground. You need to come up with this name together, not have it be something that one parent loves and the other hates. It would be one thing if you didn't mind the name for your son, but you only associate it with your DH. I think it's time for him to move onto something new.

  5. sauerkraut

    cherry / 196 posts

    @babybunnylove: My father and I have the same last name, first names that start with the same letter but are otherwise not similar, and completely different middle names. Other than living with my parents through high school, I officially changed my residence to my parents' house a few different times as an adult, like after college or when I was living abroad and wanted to use a US address. I've known our credit histories were a little mixed up for years, but in the last year, my dad wanted to apply for a home equity loan, while I started trying to get pre-approved for a mortgage. Unwinding all the mix ups on our credit reports has been a giant PITA, and this is for two people who DON'T EVEN HAVE THE SAME NAME, just same last name, same first letter. Just sayin'

  6. babybunnylove

    grape / 90 posts

    Not sure if anyone is interested, but a minor update.
    We still haven't settled on a name. My husband has voiced that he still has his preference for a Jr., but he sees my point of view and is willing to go with our other name that we both liked. But I'm having trouble not thinking that someday my husband will still wish we had named him a Jr. and resent me. So now I'm feeling some guilt. Could just be pregnancy hormones, but how can I get us both on board 100% and happy without feeling like we both lose in some way?

  7. Raspberry

    kiwi / 598 posts

    @babybunnylove: I like the suggestion by @Mrs. Champagne best, with the name you like as baby's first name, DH's first name as his middle name. DH's middle name as an optional second middle name if you desire though I'd personally skip it. That way DH's full name appears in print.

    Given that you want essentially opposite things (JR or no JR), I don't think it's possible for you both to be 100% on board. Maybe you can both aim to be mostly on board at best.

  8. nanilani

    apricot / 374 posts

    @babybunnylove: I agree with raspberry that you probably can't get both of you 100% on board with the name given the debate, but I think having a name that's acceptable to both of you is fine. It sounds like great progress! I can understand the feelings of guilt and I know it must be hard to ignore, but try to remind yourself that you can't control his feelings anymore than he can control yours. All you can do is take him at his word that he is okay with the compromise name and try not to worry about future resentment that may never actually come up. Good luck, and I hope you two end up with a name that both of you are content with!

    I missed the original discussion, but for what it's worth my husband is a Jr. and swore up and down that he would never name his son as III. I guess he'd had enough of the mixups with his dad's name and didn't want to pass on the headache. In their personal lives, most of my in-laws still calls him by a juvenile nickname to differentiate between them. My brother is also a Jr. but goes by a common nickname. I've never heard him complain about any identity confusion.

  9. LAZB

    pomegranate / 3904 posts

    My husband is the fourth, and loves it, and has never had issues with mix ups. He also has one of the most common names ever, so I really wouldn't let that part deter you.

  10. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    @babybunnylove: stay strong mama! I think when baby is here he will get over it, and though you may feel some guilt at first (I did sporadically) you ultimately will feel less guilt than you would resentment. And since he likes the other name (and you flat out don't want a Jr) he will likely see the baby as that name and get past it!

  11. erinbaderin

    pomelo / 5573 posts

    @babybunnylove: I do this - when I finally get a compromise I feel guilty. Do not be a martyr. Once your husband meets your son and gets to know him as the name you are both happy with he'll probably never think of it again.

  12. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @babybunnylove: Im sorry. I think at this point I would try to maybe just table the discussion until when the baby is here. Decide down to the 2 names (Jr and one other) and just wait and see what feels right after the birth.

  13. LCTBQE

    nectarine / 2461 posts

    @babybunnylove: good work!! It's really positive that you are both feeling good about the new name. I hope instead of worrying that your husband will resent you down the line, you can imagine his eternal gratitude to you for bearing his children. Sounds kind of sarcastic in writing but I am completely serious. And, once the baby is born and you start calling him his new name, I will bet you'll never look back because it'll feel so right.

  14. Mommy Finger

    pomegranate / 3272 posts

    Every time my husband talked about naming DS1 after him as a Jr, I would always think back to grade school where a fellow student was Richard Jr. . . and yes, went by Dick. So if you called his house and asked for Dick, you would be asked if you were looking for Big Dick or Little Dick. Which probably adds nothing to the story but always makes me laugh. Needless to say, DS1 is not a Jr.

  15. HeartAbandoned

    clementine / 933 posts

    I'm jumping in late here, and haven't read every entry, but I wonder about using DH's first as DS's middle? Then the "tradition" would be that the son has the father's first name as a middle, since that's how DH's name is structured? DS will have the history of the name, but his own first name/identity?

  16. Mommy Finger

    pomegranate / 3272 posts

    @HeartAbandoned: That's the tradition in my family....

  17. maddyz

    persimmon / 1270 posts

    Names are so hard, I still have times I wish I hadn't compromised on ds2's name. I wish we had gone with the family name..

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