Hellobee Boards

Our boys are 30 months and 10 months so not exactly the same, but what we have been trying to do is explain to our baby the same expectations we have of our older kid. So if baby knocks over toddler's Magnatiles or swats at his older brother, we say "baby, that's not nice, we don't knock over brother's toy. Can you say sorry? (obviously baby can't) Baby says sorry honey." It really helps our older kid when we do this because it levels the playing field a bit. We explain baby is small and he can't do all the right things as well as big brother can, but also "correct" baby in front of big brother so he feels like it's fair. Just last night baby threw his sippy off the high chair and our big kid got up from t table like 3 times sighing "no baby. No mess!" and handing it back to him. We said "baby we don't throw cup, can you say thank you to brother? Thank you big brother!" And our toddler literally said "you're welcome baby" sorta snootily and we laughed about it.

We also talk up big kid things he gets to do TO the baby as well as to him directly. Whether it's school or big kid car seat or ice cream or picking books or whatever we will say "baby isn't your brother such a good big boy!? He pooped on the potty and got a treat! Someday you can be a big boy like your brother."

I would definitely do big girl time by letting her stay up longer and really hype it up and call it big girl time during which you have special activities like playing board games with mom and dad, or getting/feeding a goldfish, or whatever that is only allowed during big girl time. Maybe a special doll comes out then that then gets tucked into bed for the night before she goes to bed. Maybe you do beauty treatments like fancy soft headband, some plain yogurt on face for a mask, rub smelly lotion on her feet.

I'd also incorporate a special date as a big girl privilege with one parent every month. Maybe it's dinner maybe it's dessert maybe it's shopping for a new outfit, but it's something she can look forward to and something you can leverage for behavior.

I was the oldest, as was my husband, and both sets of our parents didn't do a good job with this. We had a ton of responsibilities related to the care of our younger siblings, and it caused some resentment on the part of my husband especially.

I think it's great you are considering this. When I was growing up, my dollhouse was in my room, I don't know if you already have something like that for her, it was very special to me (I still have it) and I spent hours playing with it because no one else was allowed to touch it.

I havent done this with my kids, but I was like this as a child. I remember resenting that my younger brother got to do everything "earlier" than me, i.e. at the same time as much but two years younger. Having the same bedtime and getting bigger bikes are two things that stand out to me.

My mom used to let me come back downstairs after my brother went to bed. I'd get like 10 minutes and an extra cookie. I think it helped.

@T.H.O.U.: yeah, as an adult and a parent I see it differently but I took it hard as a kid. I know those extra few minutes at night made a big difference for me as a kid and it wasn't even something they did regularly. It's a hard balance no matter what.

@PinkElephant: In my mind bikes can be considered almost a "need". Maybe its something like streamers on the handle that LO1 gets.

The time thing with 3 is so crazy! We are happy and making it work but there isn't a lot of room for many "extras".

@PinkElephant: fwiw, it's not something I have a lasting hang up about or anything. I just remember being plenty whiny about it as a kid. I'm likely to get my two boys bikes at the same time too.