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Every kid is different, and some will say to ignore them, but that only makes it 1000x worse for my DD.

One time she was a mess, like screaming at me, stamping her foot, giving me this defiant smack talk. Didn't matter what i said, she was out of control. I told her that if she's upset, she can do it in her room but that this behaviour is unacceptable and disrespectful. She continued so i picked her up, carried her to her room and sat her on the bed. I told her she can come down when she has calmed down. I did this two days in a row (it was a really rough month) and i think the next time it happened she told me she is going to her room to rest. I only started doing this after 2 weeks of emotional whiplash.

She also does the "i want a hug!" as reassurance but it really depends on the situation. We will do it once but if she is still upset i'll tell her that i will wait until she has calmed down. When i give her a hug i will tell her that i love her but i don't like her behaviour.

@Mrs D: I find that things won't escalate as long as i keep my voice calm and neutral (which is sooo hard). She really wasn't expecting me to carry her over my shoulders up to her room, but it signalled that i was serious. When she starts to get really upset, i always give her the option of doing it in her room - "It's okay to be upset, but it's not okay to treat me this way. If you want to get mad and upset, you can do it in your room."

I had a long talk with the director at her school and she recommended the book, Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso. I've only read a chapter but i hope to finish it this month!

Good luck - i found that having a game plan (with DH) makes me feel more in control of the situation. I don't know what it is about the 6 month mark - she was the toughest to deal with at 2.5, 3.5 and 4.5!!

@Mrs D: sounds like my son. At that age he usually didn't throw tantrums to get his way, he'd throw them because he was very upset, and not even necessarily about whatever I'd told him he can't do. Just upset in general, overtired, sick or something. And he legit couldn't hear anyone until he calmed down. One time I was trying to get him to bed and brushed his teeth while he was standing there crying. When he calmed down, he said "ok, time to brush my teeth" He just had no clue he'd already done it. Walking away didn't really seem to help, so mostly I'd just stand there till he got it out of his system, and wonder if this is normal or I need to get him mental health help.

And the hug thing... so frustrating! He's got a big mommy preference and after he makes me really, really mad he'll always ask for a hug. While I'm trying hard to stay away from him so I don't say something I regret. I've found out the hard way there's no way out but to give the hug, and if I so much as tell him that I love him but he's really upset me by doing xyz, he loses it completely. Usually this is around bedtime so I put him to bed (of course, it takes forever just when I really need a break) and then go vent to DH.

We're Kevin Leman followers. I let the tantrum pass until he (or they) are reasonable, and then I talk to them. This is also the method I've used with all of my foster children. Incidentally, does your DD have a sensory or other type of issue that might compound (or initiate) the tantrums?

I would never say "ignore" a kid. Maybe stay calm and non-reactive, but not ignore. Often DD needs a hug, I see that as a way to cope, not as rewarding bad behavior, so I don't deny that to a kid- but we've run into challenges when she demands one when I can't (like I'm using the restroom or something). Sometimes she has to go into the playroom until she stops screaming, like if baby is napping. I try to let her express herself (don't punish for crying) and give hugs and talk it out after.

We let tantrums and feelings be. We give her the space to get it all out, which I feel like really helps her behavior the rest of the day. If she's being violent, I will interject ("I know you're upset, but I can't let you hit me/the dog. You can hit the couch if you need to.") ... If she tells me she needs love, we give it to her. I assume she realizes she's upset and is experimenting with ways to cope with those emotions. Asking for a hug to calm down is awesome!!

When I feel like she needs a little help to calm down, I'll just say, "I'm sorry, but I can't understand you when you're screaming. When you're ready to talk, I am here for you." - it almost always works, and I've noticed her outbursts have become much more controlled over the last few months. She knows I respond to a calmer voice.

Janey Lansbury's podcast has helped me A TON!! 2-4 year olds are quite an adventure!

@Mrs D: It's hard ... consistency on our end is key. Our kid is the definition of a strong-willed child. I was seriously afraid of 3, because 2 was SO HARD. I started implementing a lot of listening and letting her really just feel her feelings around 2.25-2.5, and it took those 6-9 months for it to catch on. Now, at 3, she's kind of a dream (but like, this morning, she knocked a chair over and told me she would never take her pajamas off), lol. It's all very relative!!!!

@Mrs D: I highly recommend the book "No-Drama Discipline". It answers literally every question you asked, gives lots of reasoning and examples, and it really works.