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Oh, I feel you! My 5 (almost 6) year old was found to have 5 cavities this summer I still feel so so so guilty, and just like you, I thought we were doing well with tooth brushing and not too much candy. She has had 4 of them done now in 2 separate appointments, with 1 to go. She has done really really well with each appointment without any type of sedation, but our dentist was able to use a laser to remove the cavity (no drilling), which I'm sure helped a lot. I don't remember what the laser is called, but my daughter said it felt like a cold tingle.

If nothing else, big hugs to you! The mom guilt is rough

I guess some kids are just prone to this. DS and DD brush their teeth the exact same way, but the result is... not the same. I guess DD has inherited my tooth structure with tiny little spaces between the teeth, because she's always getting food stuck in there. She's definitely going to have to watch more for cavities than he will

I was super worried for Ethan's fillings (and crown!) but he did great! We've got 2 of the 3 appointments done...
We were going to try without laughing gas but he got nervous about just laying down, so we went with it, totally worth it!
For the 1st appointment they numbed his left side. The whole thing was less than an hour for the crown and filling. We held his hands for a bit but his least favorite thing was the little vaccuum, so not bad!
The 2nd appointment was like 15 minutes for 2 fillings, super fast, no numbing needed, he only complained about the vacuum again, and they did use a drill both times.
DH prepped him by letting him know what the drill would sound like.
I was way more worried than we needed to be with both. And a friend of mine's girls had fillings and even teeth pulled without any laughing gas, so she may do fine without it.
Hope it goes well!

Good luck! I think your dentists plan sounds great. It’s not your fault! This was one of the hardest things I had to go through as a parent because of the guilt and stigma I attached to it myself.

DD was 5 when she had hers filled, she had 3 I think. I waited a till she was a bit older since they found them sometime when she was 4. She did great and they used a drill. They were really quick too. They made up all kinds of silly things to help kids. Like they put your tooth to sleep. Later when I said she has a shot to numb it she got mad at me and corrected me. She had previously cried during her cleaning/ xrays so I was very surprised at how well she did.

Good Luck!

@snowjewelz: I'd mostly just explain exactly what is going to happen. I hate it when they call the instruments "mr sucky" or whatever, just call it a freakin suction or a drill! I also feel like they were in a HUGE hurry to get it done (probably before he freaked out), but my son would have done better had they slowed down and explained the process….but to be fair, they don't know that about MY kid. So I probably should have said something.