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@Mrs. Lion: I did live with DH before marriage and I regret it for various reasons, but I never bought the statistical evidence stuff. Seems like people who choose to cohabitate are probably more likely to leave an unhappy relationship and people who choose not to cohabitate are likely to stay in an unhappy relationship. I see the same thing in the divorce rate: how many unhappy/abusive/for convenience/adulterous, etc., marriages stayed together before divorce became common?
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We moved in together a few months after getting engaged (his lease was up so it made sense), no one would have cared if we had done it before then though.
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Yep. I lived with a previous boyfriend as well. There is no way in hell I'd marry someone without living with them first.
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DH and I unofficially moved in together at 2 months (he stayed over ALL.THE.TIME.) and official moved in together at like 9 months? Something like that. Been together ever since and I wouldn't have it any other way. 9 years next month
Oh and my parents didn't know at first either lol. It must be an Asian thing!
ETA we just turned 18 (him) and 19 when we first got together. And we didn't get engaged until after 7 years and married after 8!
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I lived with a boyfriend when I was 19. It lasted oh maybe 2 months hahah. I lived with Dh for basically the entire time we were dating, but officially about 10 months after we started dating. I personally would never ever marry someone I hadn't lived with. You learn way too much about someone when you live with them.
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@snowjewelz: us too:)
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: and also how many divorces could have been avoided if they loved together before marriage?
But of course, none of these can be "proven".
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We lived together for 18 months before getting married. We didn't have sex until our wedding night though.
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I can't imagine not living with someone prior to marriage, personally (for myself). I actually lived with boyfriends prior to DH. No biggie. I also lived alone, with tons of roomies of all sexes and genders, you name it. I was glad to have a lot of life experience.
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For a summer. DH was still stationed in another state when we got married, so we stayed long distance for about six months of marriage
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We moved in together after about a year, though he had asked at about 4 months and I said no. I was 30 at the time. Not sure I would have done it in my 20s. We got engaged about 6 months after. He's the only bf I've lived with. I knew I didn't want to live with someone unless it was the real thing.
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@mrs. bird: I completely agree! I would have never married DH penis unseen! Haha. Or without living with him. It's what brought our relationship to the next level!
@Mrs. Sketchbook: Agreed. I don't buy those stats, either. I think they leave out a lot of factors. Divorce used to be more frowned upon and people stayed together through some hellish unhappy relationships.
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We were together for 6 years before we got married and lived together for 5 of those
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We started staying with each other every night starting around 4ish months together, maybe less. Technically we still had seperate places, but basically lived together. At some point he totally moved in, before we were engaged even, but my parents still pretend not to know haha.
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We were quite the opposite- we were long distance until we had been married for 6 months.
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Gosh yes, for about four years. I would absolutely recommend DD do the same too. There's nothing like learning what each other's habits are to make you realize whether you love them AND can live with them. My mum actually told me that before I got married to live with and sleep with him. In her words: "make sure you know what they're in to, it's too late if they get the whips and chains out on the wedding night" ha ha. Wise words, mother.
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Nope.
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Yup, still doing it, and no particular plans for marriage in the foreseeable future either.
This is the fourth partner I've lived with
- a HS boyfriend who I ended up living with as much because I had no where else to live as because I wanted to live with him. His parents were really amazing to me and I will always be grateful.
- An ex who I very much still love and miss. It just wasn't in the cards for us.
- My ex wife
- My current sweetie of 4 years -
Nope. And when his landlord unexpectedly asked him to move out a few months early, we moved back our wedding date so we wouldn't live together before marriage. And that was the best decision ever! Super small wedding, but we still had a huge reception on the original date. I got to wear the dress twice and we celebrate two times a year.
We dated for 7 years and hadn't lived together, and we completed catholic pre-Cana already, so it seemed weird to us (even agnostic DH) to go ahead and move in together
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@Running Elley: wow....really? That must've been hard! Did you guys sleep in the same bed?
We moved in together six months after we got engaged, six months before our wedding.
I'm glad we did. I was finishing My last semester of college and I was on rocky terms with my parents. It didn't make sense for me pinch pennies to play for my own place when he already owned a home.
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@lilyofthewest: My sibling has been with their sweetie for, going on, 9 years. 2 kids and 2 houses later, they have no plans. And that is perfectly okay.
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@travelgirl1: I like your mom's advice.
You bet DH and I lived together before we were married. We were in San Francisco, there's no way we could afford to live separately. But we were committed to each other long before marriage and our wedding was a simple trip to the courthouse.
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@Rainbow Sprinkles: We did! DH has a lot of self control and he's always wanted to wait for marriage (I wasn't a virgin but I totally respected his wishes to wait!) so we did.
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Nope! I moved into his apartment once we got back from our honeymoon!
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We waited until we were married to move in together. We picked out an apartment a month before the wedding and DH moved in and the day before we left out of town for the wedding I chucked all my stuff in there.
For us, it was the right thing. We really wanted marriage to feel like a completely new chapter in life for us so moving it after the wedding was so fun!
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We moved in together 10 months before getting married, but didn't have sex until after the wedding. So many of our friends told us it was a bad idea and encouraged me to move out and get my own place until the wedding (which I resented because it was my place he had moved into) but it was awesome for us.
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Yep an we still are! Almost ten years later. We talk about marriage every two years or so.... one of my parents has been married and divorced 3 times. I realize this is controversial but it's not important to us. Our commitment to each other supercede s the recognition of the government.
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Yup. We lived together for five years before we got married.
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yep. I didn't live with my ex before we were married, but I did live with DH 6 months before we got married. But, at the time we moved in together, I didn't know we would suddenly decide to get married.
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No, we wanted to wait until we were at least engaged to live together, but when we got engaged we were in a long distance relationship. DH had moved 4 hours away for a job, and I stayed where I was because I wasn't ready to quit my job yet. It was also easier for me to plan our wedding from where I was.
I don't think you have to live together before getting married. DH and I dated for 6 years before we got married so we pretty much knew everything about each other, and there were no surprises when we finally moved in together. We actually didn't live together until 2 months after the wedding.
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@Running Elley: I'm impressed! I don't know how you didn't spontaneously combust, lol.
We moved in together after about 3 years of dating, had a mortgage by year 4, engaged in year 7, married in year 8. Getting ready to celebrate being married for 2 years and being together for 10 years.
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Yes. I lived with my DH before we were married. Never lived with anyone else (besides my family) before that. I moved in with DH when he bought our house, when we had been dating for around 3 years.
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Yes, we lived together long before we got married. Moved in together after dating for 8 months, bought our house after dating a year and a half, got engaged after just shy of 3 years of dating, got married after being together 3 and a half years and living together for nearly 3. I always knew I wanted to live with a future spouse before marriage, and am strongly advising my younger brothers to do the same.
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Well, we met the night he moved into my house, so yeah...
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I lived with him for two months before our wedding. I was living in NM and he was in Georgia. I moved alllll my stuff to GA in October and then flew home for Christmas and stayed in NM taking care of last-minute wedding details before the wedding (in Feb). It made more sense to move before the wedding, that way after our honeymoon we could just start our lives together.
heh..btw, those two months were RIDICULOUSLY hard. We definitely asked ourselves what the heck we were doing several times. Luckily we worked things out
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Yup, we lived together before we were even a couple. We were friends and he started staying over pretty much every night. Then we hooked up, then we decided to be together, 7 months later we were engaged. 1.5 years later we got married.
The 4 year anniversary of our first date was last week :).I would tell to DS live with someone first too. I wouldn't recommend buying a place with someone without being in a big commitment, but hey it'll be his life, his decisions.
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@Running Elley: that's so, so awesome.
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DH moved in with me about a month after we started dating, and we haven't looked back since. We got married 4 and a half years later although living in sin really had nothing to do with it.
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@travelgirl1: haha! Your mom had great advice
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Yes, we lived together for three years before we got married. One of my MOST-hated phrases is "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" First of all, who is supposed to be the cow in this scenario? lol But also, on a more serious note, if someone wants to get married they will. If they don't want to get married they won't. I don't think living arrangements change that. And the phrase I prefer is, "I don't want to buy a car before test-driving it."
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