UGH! yes and I so don't get it. Sometimes I have to shake my head to figure out how two people who grew up under the same roof with the same parents can get treated so differently as adults.
In short my mom favors my sister over me. I was the good kid, but will never have that bond with my mom.
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Yes, I was the youngest of 4 and def got away with more things growing up - my siblings hated me for that!
Now as adults I am also the closest to my mom
It does make me wonder how my relationship will differ with my kids!
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Only sometimes. All of us have good relationships with my mom and she definitely doesn't favor or love one over any other. But I do comment on how much my younger sibs get away with stuff or are allowed to do things I never was able to!
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@Mamaof2: I freak out about this happening with my kids. I'm the oldest. I even thought about being one and done because I couldn't bear to have my oldest feel the way I did growing up, I have to much love to give so we will be having more. Although I will be striving to make sure each child feels loved.
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Yes in some ways. I know my parents love us equally but
I'm the oldest and my younger siblings got away with a lot more!
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yup. I can't say that the difference was huge or that I felt unloved or that things were super unfair. But I did feel that my mom (in particular) had her favorites and I knew I wasn't one of them. She favored the boys and expected less (and still to this day expects less) and like...gets more excited when the visit or call, that kind of thing.
I do wonder if this will happen with my own. =( It makes me sad to think about that.
Do you worry that you will have a bias and that your children will know, or do you think it will be subconscious so you won't even be aware of it?
I mean, if you were to ask my mom, she would say she doesn't have a favorite and that she loves us all equally.
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@Anagram: I think that because It happened to me I will do everything in my power to make sure I don't repeat the same mistake>
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@MamaPhoenix: I could actually copy and paste exactly what you just wrote in the original post because that is my life.
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My parents didn't favor one of us over the other, but I was the oldest & the "guinea pig" so I feel like at 18 my brother gets more freedom than I had at that age. But it actually makes me thankful to see that we had it rough while I was his age & they learned from that. I am very close with my parents but my brother isn't there yet. I think he will be though. I was definitely the favorite among my entire extended family on my mom's side. It was like my brother didn't even exist
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I was the oldest and there were some things that my parents flipped out over when I did it but when my sister did it they were just like "be safe", drinking before being 21 for instance.
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It's well accepted that my bro is my mom's favorite and I'm my dad's favorite. We're all cool with it.
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@cmomma17: That sucks! I feel better knowing i'm not the only one.
Example of my life. My sister had two babies. Each birth my mom was there for the entire process. 18+ hrs for each.
I gave birth. my mom and sister was there at the hospital. When I was pushing my baby out, mom and sister left to go home, they were tired and didn't tell a soul where they went. When baby phoenix arrived they nurses had to come in and tell me I had no family there to share my beautiful baby with.
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Big time. They also cultivated unhealthy sibling rivalry, contributing to the resentment and oddity of it all.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: @Marfi: I would think this is true for most parents though! When you have your 1st you aren't sure what to do so you make a rash decision - then with your next child you are a little more lax and the 3rd and 4th you aren't even phased anymore!
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Oooohhhh yeah. I'm the oldest, so sis got away with SO much more. But, we were also completely different people, and had to be punished differently. I needed tough love, and sis needed lots of extra support and leeway. I really resented it while living at home, but now that I'm older and have a kid of my own, I completely understand why. Be both have GREAT relationships with our parents, and a great relationship with each other, so it worked out just fine
She also needs to be babied and taken care of more (still as an adult), which annoys me sometimes, but it's what she needs and if my parents didn't do it then there would be other problems!
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Yep. I'm the oldest of four so I had a lot more pressure on me to act appropriately and succeed, especially when it came to school. It's less noticeable now that we are older, but definitely still there.
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@MamaPhoenix: yep, that sounds familiar. I have a good example from wedding dress shopping. When I first went, I just wanted it to be me and my mom. I go in the dressing room to put on the first dress, come out and ..... mom isn't even there, sister called and she's out in the parking lot talking to her!
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Yes. I'm the oldest and while my parents don't dote on me the same way they dote on my sister, I was also the first to do everything and since my parents knew nothing, I had a lot of freedom. With my sister they ask her about everything!
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My parents try to be as fair as possible but my brother and I are 13 years apart and two very, extremely different people so yea, we get treated differently.
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@cmomma17: lol I'm sorry are we related? I took my mom with me dress shopping, you know to bond. My mom was to busy trying on wedding dresses herself to even acknowledge I was there.
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Yes, definitely. My sister (who suffers from borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, anxiety...) needs a lot more care than I do, obviously. At the same time, I feel they've always given me the short end of the stick while giving her more attention, stuff and lets her get away with things because she's just so much harder to deal with. I don't think it helps her.
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Omg yes!! My brother and I wore raised night and day and we're completely different people from one another. Close friends and family are always so baffled at how different we are.
I was raised super strict and sheltered. He was raised as a free bird.
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@Mamaof2: I agree! But I look at it as a good thing. It's good as an adult & new mom seeing my parents continuing to learn & grow as people. It only makes our new friendship stronger in my opinion
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Yes. My stepmother wasn't very nice. I am the red headed stepchild.
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I'm the oldest, and my parents were definitely harder on me than my little sister. She gets away with absolutely everything. But whenever I joke about it or mention it, my mom gets all huffy and defensive.
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@Mamaof2: oh yea. My mom threatened to pull me out if school!
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Yes but only bc I was the only girl with 3 brothers. My dad never apologized for the fact that this was the reason. I sort of get it but it sucked at the time.
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Yep. I'm an average girl between 2 genius brothers. My parents used my older brother as standard and were good at making average seem inferior.
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Not anymore. I'm the eldest and growing up my Parents were like 1000x stricter with me than with my Sister. However to put a positive spin on it, I got a lot more attention than she did because I was always the one doing the "firsts".
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We had the same freedoms for the most part, but my mom could relate more with my sisters and that resulted in different treatment. It used to upset me, but now I find it interesting now that I understand it more.
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I was way more of a wild child, I think my mom related to me the most of any of the girls. I also gave the most heartburn
I think I'm the closest with my mom now.
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Yes.
I'm the youngest, but because my sister did some pretty major things my parents didn't approve of, I ended up bearing the brunt of it and they were more strict on me once she moved out.
The curfew rule was that we had to be home before dad left for work. But when that rule was made, dad left at 2 a.m. By the time I was of driving age...dad went to work at midnight. That SO wasn't fair! (especially since we lived 30 miles from town)
However, in the end, I still ended up being my mom's favorite. We're just too similar to not get along well. We understand each other better than most people understand us.
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My parents totally favor my sister, to the point that they paid for all her college tuition and the down payment on her house. Meanwhile, I bankrolled all that myself and have student loan debt. I never disobeyed or disrespected them, or anything to warrant it (even though I feel you should love your kids unconditionally, that might explain it). So annoying. I totally resent them for it.
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Yes! I'm the oldest, and they were a lot stricter with me and let her get away with everything. For example, they would tell me I had to wait till a certain age to do things (like wait till 12 to get my ears pierced), but then they'd let my younger (by 2 years) sister do it as soon as I could.
I love my parents and we have a great relationship now, but it's definitely made me wary of repeating their mistakes if we have more than 1 child.
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Wow, I'm shocked how many people were treated differently. My mom still to this day makes sure we're all treated the same. Same goes for my dad.
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I asked my parents about this and my dad says that even though they love us all the same we just have different needs. When I was in college my parents didn't help with anything; my sister on the other hand, moved in with her boyfriend and my dad would give her money every time she came to visit. He says he just knew I could manage but she needed help. Same with my brothers, they just needed more help from my parents. I guess it was my fault for being so independent?
It bothered me a lot growing up but now I understand. Same goes with my future Lo's. I will put more effort to make them each feel loved, but I'm sure their personalities will dictate how our relationships will be.
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Yes, I had much stricter rules/curfew than my brother because I was a girl. Which makes absolutely no sense, since I was the good kid. Now he's 34 and still living with my parents... seems someone could have benefited from some more discipline.
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Yes, Im the baby and the only girl. My parents were much more lenient with me and Im much more spoiled than my brothers.
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