And does it ever get awkward?
I love my job but I don't make a ton of money. However, DH owns his own business and it has grown to be very successful over the last few years. As a result, we are able to afford things that most of my friends and coworkers cannot.
DH loves to buy me gifts and we love going on trips, out to nice dinners, to concerts...etc, and I feel really awkward when my friends notice that I'm wearing a new, expensive watch or my coworkers ask why I'm taking 10 days off this spring (trip to Paris).
Does anyone have experience with this? I don't flaunt it (in fact, I personally am extremely frugal and we live fairy modestly). However, DH likes to treat himself (and me) because he works hard and thinks we deserve it.
Advice?
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You and your hubs worked hard for your money so you shouldn't feel bad about having nice things or going on trips. We're the "wealthiest" of our friends too. Whenever we go out husband likes to pay for everyone's meal (I think this makes people feel a little uncomfortable at times, but they appreciate it too).
I know some of my working mommy friends have a hard time .. not being jealous (this isn't the right word, but I can't think of a better one) since we can afford to have me stay at home with the baby and my husband buys me nice things. But I don't flaunt it or make them feel bad about it.
It does get awkward sometimes, but life isn't fair. :T So we live and we're merry.
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No, we don't make more money then our friends. I don't make any money (SAHM) and my hubby makes a decent living, but we just bought a house and have a new baby, and we only have one income.
I'm not really jealous of my friends who do make more. I love my life, my house, etc. Yes, it would be easier if we had more money. But that's just life. Although I also think my friends who seem to make more money just don't have the responsablities that we do (mortgage payment and a baby) so they're able to travel and shop a lot. I'd rather have my life.
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my friends and i - we all live similar lifestyles. actually, my friends probably live "better off" than we do haha. i would say we're pretty frugal but we love to go on nice trips and we do buy things for ourselves every once in awhile.
i agree with @chopsuey119. you guys worked hard for your money, buying nice things for yourself or going on nice trips - don't feel bad about it! enjoy it!
honestly though, on a side note - that's probably why wealthy people have wealthy friends.
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I never buy anything expensive... the book "The Millionaires Next Door" was really helpful on this topic.
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I don't know about my friends' financial statuses. We don't talk about it. We try to keep the conversation on other topics. We know that everyone spends their money differently, as well. Some people like more stuff and don't go on vacations. Other people go on vacations and really don't have a lot of stuff.
In your case, I think your friends just either will deal with it or if they can't handle the fact that you have more money than them, they will find reasons not to hang out. You just have to deal with the awkwardness that comes around when you have something shiny and new and someone notices. I find it odd that someone would notice something like your new watch unless they have some serious jealousy issues or just want to make you feel bad for having nice things. As for the trips - so what? Everyone is allowed to go on vacation when they want to. It sort of sounds to me like you may be embarrassed or feel bad about spending your money.
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@mrbee: I read that book and all I could think was "what's the point of being a millionaire if you don't get to enjoy the fruits of your labor?" I think if you have a good income coming in, there has to be a balance between saving and experiencing the great things that money can provide.
We save and invest like CRAZY. Retirements maxed out, house paid down, no cc or student loan debt, modest cars...etc. We are definitely financially responsible. But our fear is that we're going to save and save and then one day we'll have a ton of money but be too old to really enjoy it. So we try to strike a balance. -
@mediagirl: Thank you for your response. I think the reason that my friends are noticing things like my new watch is because I have been so frugal for so long that I've literally worn the same watch everyday for 17 years. And I think you're right about being a bit embarrassed. I've always prided myself about how frugal (read: cheap) I am. Now that DH is doing so well, I almost feel like a hypocrite....
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Amongst my close group of friends, the hubs and I are the "wealthiest" - mainly because we've both been working in our careers the longest and have a double income (a lot of my married friends have one person still in school or something).
The thing is, though, that we all use our money differently. My friend and her hubs save up to go on trips (Cuba/Mexico/DR, etc.) twice a year whereas the hubs and I have never gone on a real vacation. We have a mortgage and a baby so our expenses are different. I can, however, splurge on a pair of new shoes or something without having to "worry" about money. I'm blessed.
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SO and I are some of the "wealthiest" in our group of friends, but it doesn't really interfere with our frienships (I hope!). We always try to get together by going to free activities or hosting a party at our house so people don't have to spend any money, or feel bad if they can't afford to go out.
We have nice things (new house, new car), but try our best not to flaunt it in anyone's faces.
The only thing we've encountered a bit are other friends/couples who assume we make A LOT less money than we actually do. So I'm guessing most of our friends don't really know that we make a lot more money than they do. Which is good. If people knew, then it might become rather awkward.
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we have lots of friends with more money than us, but i never get jealous about money. they earned it and they should be able to spend it how they want. sure i'd love to have more money (who wouldn't!), but i'm very lucky and grateful for what we have. i'll just have to keep working harder!
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We make more money than most of our friends, except a few who make about the same as us. My sister and her DH make more than we do, but they live in a much more expensive area so it's almost even. We don't really let it affect our lives though.
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We make more money than many of our friends, and less money than some other friends. We don’t really talk about money with friends or compare salaries and we don’t lead an extravagant lifestyle so I don’t believe most people think we make as much as we do. I don’t feel badly about how we spend our money, we both spent years in college, spent years working our way up the ladder and work 40+ hours a week at demanding jobs and deserve to enjoy the “spoils” of that labor. I’d love to have more money, but am very grateful for what we have and the financial position we are in.
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@TJBee: We are in the same situation with DH's best friend. DH & I make a good living individually and together; while DH's best friend has two kids, a third on the way, and is the sole breadwinner for his family. DH told me early on in our relationship that we shouldn't feel bad and that his best friend doesn't take it personally. I guess DH's best friend made a few bad/lazy choices pre-kids and is working hard to get back on track. He doesn't want pity nor us to not enjoy our hard-earned vacations/etc.
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Not at all. Maybe one day but not right now. Lots of degrees, not a lot of money.
But it hasn't really affected our friendships. If we can't do something we don't do it and don't choose to do super expensive things when we're together or if we know a trip is coming up we save up for it.
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Most of our friends have more money then us! It has never been an issue with our friendships though. Although, we do think it would be nice to just go out and buy X like our friends do
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I think we're about on the same page with majority of our friends but there are a few that either make more or less than us. I haven't found that it's made much of a difference in terms of our friendships because we can only assume what others make (we've never discussed it) and also everyone spends their money differently. Some of my friends are very frugal & saved up to buy a house instead of spending on vacations or material goods..whereas we have some savings but don't own a home because we like to travel. Traveling & having expensive things doesn't mean we make more or less... it's just how we chose to spend our $. Perhaps your friends are just shocked to see you all of a sudden wearing nice things... not that they are upset/jealous, just not used to it?
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I honestly have no idea where we stand. We both make/made a good living and have a nice savings account. We can afford for me to stay at home and we still travel and I shop at the expensive grocery store. I can be a super-saver, though, so if I know I can get an item for less at another store, if I can walk there, I go there.
We were lucky and both made good financial choices independent of each other, so we had a solid base. -
Only the ones that we actually hang out with. I think it gets a little awkward for them at times just because we take them out to do things quite a bit and I have a feeling they feel bad beacuse they can't really afford to do the same.
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We make a little more than everyone else, but have inherited enough to make a big difference in lifestyle. It's not weird or awkward at all with our friends.
As long as you don't make a big deal about it, I've found most people don't really care. -
It sounds like you didn't buy a whole lot of new things before so it seems natural that your friends are noticing and commenting now that you are. It doesn't mean that they necessarily have a problem with it. Maybe it'll take some time for you to feel comfortable with your new situation, but from how you explained it, that is what it seems to be.
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Honestly, I have no idea how much money my close friends make or vice versa. We never speak of money. We all splurge, go on trips and have nice homes and cars. I noticed that we spend our money differently and save in other areas.
We are always happy when we see that our friends have new nice things or going on trips!
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We have more money than our closest friends and thankfully we have never experienced any awkwardness because of it.
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i think my friends and i are very similar in how we live.... no jealousy there.
i think you and your hubby earned the right to live a little and enjoy yourselves!
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My husband and I by far have more money than most of our friends. My husband is a bit older and more established in his career, and is also in a high paying profession. We have taken a pay cut now that I'm a SAHM, but we still can afford everything that we had before.
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@EmmeBaby: THIS.
How do you know what someone makes without asking them? even if you know their job, doesn't mean you know how much mpney they have in the bank.
Real talk,
Everyone doesn't spend or save the same way.
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I think we make only a bit more than our friends but I think we spend our money differently. We don't live extravagantly (except for the large mortgage on our dream home) and so we end up being able to buy the occasional nicety and take more vacations than they do. It has never caused any friction between anyone since we're all very generous with each other.
BTW, you've earned your money, you should spend it however you want to. If you're not flaunting it, true friends may be envious but should still be happy for you.
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@mrbee: I want to read that book! A recommended one from the one and only Dave Ramsey !
I had a salary drop when I went back to work from my first mat leave (even if they weren't allowed to do so) and so now, my friends probably make more then me. But on the up side, they all still live at home (no joke) and well I'm married, I have a house a son and another baby on the way. That to me is worth so much more than any amount they make combined
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Definitely living in New York, the amount of wealth in the city can be mind blowing. I hope no matter what the size of our wallet, which isn't that large compared to our friends, is that we remain down to earth especially given the type of city we live in.
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NO. but we're all broke (and happy!)
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I think we make more than most of our friends, but there's two couples who make more than us (one of my friends and one of hubs' friends). The three of us (well, 6 people, 3 couples) are the only homeowners out of the bunch. We all spend the same amount socially, though, and you can't tell that someone makes more than someone else.
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I'm currently a student and working FT, but DH makes more than a lot of our friends combined. However, no one would ever know it. We don't own a house or have new cars. All his extra income is being poured into paying down our credit card debt. Likely this fall we'll look toward buying a house, but right now, we're happy where we are.
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