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My family. Honestly, DH just gets along better with my family than he does with his own. It'll be interesting to see how it goes once my two brothers have SOs.
I will say that we divide holidays fairly equally though. We alternate Thanksgivings year to year and see each side for Christmas.
DH is an only child, so this is a definite point of contention.
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Way more time with my in-laws. They're way more family oriented.
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My family lives in town and DH's family lives 13 hours away, but even if we all lived in the same town, I'm pretty sure we'd spend more time with my family. My mom and I are very close, and since we're the driving force for getting together, I'm sure that we would do so more often. I like my in-laws, but I couldn't spend as much time with them as I do with my parents.
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I see my Mom a lot but she's retired and drives here. When it's us seeing both sets of parents at the same time it's about equal. But we do go on tips with my parents a couple times a year, my inlaws tend to be flaky about keeping overnight plans, but we invite them to things.
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We live in different countries from both sets of parents. In the last 12 months it has been about equal though. We see my dad for longer periods of time since there is so much travel involved. We see my ILs 3-4 times per year for shorter periods of time but over the last year I think we spent about the same amount of time with each set of parents.
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More time with my family--we live 30 minutes from my parents. My husband had a rough upbringing, and was closest to his father who passed away 12 years ago. Since then he isn't close to a lot of his family, excluding his sister and younger brother. Throw in the fact that they live on a different continent and it makes it difficult to see them regularly--we haven't been to see them in over 3 years but are hoping to this winter.
ETA: Once we have children I'd like to make a more regular effort to see them, maybe every other year or so.
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In laws, but not by my choice. I feel like we see my family the perfect amount and his family (specifically his parents) too often. But they invite themselves over every other weekend, which also happens to be DH's only weekends off.
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More time with my family which is saying something because they are a flight away and my in laws are in town. They're all pretty self involved.
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Well, DH works restaurant hours, so it's weird for us.
I see my family more often, but often do so alone. Plus my mom is like my BFF.
But as a couple, we probably see his family more. He comes to my mom's (2 hours away) once, MAYBE twice a year. We see his family at least 3 or more times, but that might be the only time I see his mom. So "we" see his mom more, but "I" spend a lot of time with my mom.
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We spend the most time with my mom and his dad. My dad lives 3 hours away, and his mom is a chain smoking alcoholic that neither of us really likes. As far as extended family goes, mine lives close and his doesn't, so by default we see mine more.
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We see my mom a lot since she watches DS while I work but as far as the whole family, we see my in-laws much more. They live further away and never want to drive to see us but DH is adamant about spending a good amount of time with them. I know the holidays will be a problem this year since I'm due in November and refuse to drag my newborn and toddler down there very often.
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Ugh, his fam. We see them about weekly and mine lives far away so I see them every couple of months.
ETA: and his MIL still complains about this. She doesn't see my son enough, she says. And I want to scream, "you selfish woman, you see him 1-2 times a week and my parents are lucky if it's every 2-3 months!"Clearly I'd spend more time with my family if I could
If they were equal distance from us I'd see my family way more than his.
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My family. They live about 40 minutes away, vs. a 5-hour drive to see the in-laws.
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My family, but his lives WAY further away (although both live far away). My family is a 90 minute nonstop flight away (and affordable via Allegiant Air) or 13 hour drive. His family is 2 flights (no nonstops), then a 3 hour drive from the airport to their house, plus the flights are at least $400-500 each (or $700-800 at Christmas). So, it's very difficult and expensive to get there.
So far we have alternated Christmas, but I don't know if we will even be able to do that anymore once DS is born in August - the travel is just so difficult and so expensive to get to his family. Pre-baby, we (or at least DH) would try to get home 1-2x a year. His parents came here to visit in January, but before that, they hadn't been here in like 6 years - they are homebodies and don't really like to travel. The travel is too much $$ for his siblings and their families. It's harder for me to go visit his family because I have to take SO much time off work with the extensive travel. I think his parents will probably come down again sometime in the fall to see the new baby since I am NOT doing the trip out there with a 3-4 month old at Christmas (even though it's "their year").
It's easy and affordable for us to go up to see my family for a weekend, or them to come down, so we see them more. I do feel bad about it, but I don't really know what else we can do.
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My inlaws because they live closer. DH and I are lucky because we both like and enjoy spending time with each other's family. If mine was closer it would be equal. We're trying to move so that we are an equal distance from both our moms.
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My family but they come visit us a lot more than dhs parents. Growing up we saw my dads parents more because they came to visit more. I l know it bothers my mil too but they're always welcome but it's just not their style. When I started dating dh he would go weeks without catching up with them or his brothers and they didn't visit him unless there was a specific reason. I talk all the time to my parents and sisters so I donno. i try to include them but their family style and communication is just different and they respond better to different things.
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Mine. They put in the effort.
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Mine, by far. Both families are out of town, but mine is 4 hours closer. Plus, in general, they make more effort and (surprisingly) don't make my husband as crazy as his does. But we do try to make sure we see both as often as possible.
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In laws! But that's because my family is a plane ride away and my in laws are local. However, if both were local we would still spend more time with my Inlaws because they are more enjoyable to be around.
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We live upstairs from my mom and five minutes from my dad. The in laws live 1.5-3 hours away. We do visit the in laws at least once a month though.
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His family, only because my family isn't local but it's definitely only a few hours a month...
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It is mostly even, but my in-laws come and stay with us frequently because they live out of town so our relationship is more intimate overall and I feel closer to them because of it.
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Mine but in all fairness, his family did just move here like, literally yesterday. So we will see how this changes!
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It's a tie. We live hours away from both sets of parents (3 hrs by plane for IL's & 5 hrs by plane from my family), so we go see them once a year for the same amt of days.
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Right now the ILs more because they are closer and my SIL also has a small baby. My parents live further away and my subs don't have young children.
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my family, by a hair. we try to be equal, but i err towards my parents. we are around 1.5-2 hours away from each set and with my travel schedule, i try to split the time to drop R off at my parents or my in-laws.
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Mine because my sisters live 20 min from us and my parents live 1.5 hrs away. We try to get together at least once per month.
My ILs live on another continent and don't travel, so we see them for 1 week almost every year. DH Facetimes with them for 30-45 min almost everyday, but it's not really the same.
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Definitely my family. They all live out of state, but my family makes more of an effort (are willing to travel).
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My mom lives nearby and watches LO one day a week and sometimes we get together with her on the weekends, so we definitely see her more frequently but mostly for short periods of time - a few hours tops. When we see the inlaws, who live far away it is usually for days at a time.
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My family, but only barely. We don't spend much time with either because we live so far away
Also, part of the reason we spend more time with my family is because they come visit us, too. My ILs have never visited us, so we only see them if we go there.
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@Maysprout similar dynamic in my DH's family as well. They all love each other but not super close or affectionate, like I am with my mom/family.
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We spend more time with my family because sadly both his parents passed, and his one brother lives on the opposite coast. If it were a choice and I had to choose, I'd prefer to spend time with my family because they're awesome, but I also do/did like his family. They're very open and kind.
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We spend more time with my family, but not by much. For the most part, it's pretty equal. They are both local and both work so free time is limited to the weekends.
The time spent with my family is much more relaxing, though! They are much more willing to help out and host, whereas the time spent with in-laws is late dinners which end up being hectic and annoying for me if I have to do clean-up with 2 crazy toddlers.
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@mauxie: I feel the same with our family dynamics. With my family, my parents and siblings are eager to help out where they can (buckling kids into car seats, helping feed dinner, holding if one is crying and the other one needs help with potty, etc), while DH'S family just sits and watches me sweat and and run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Usually, they're done with their food and sitting on the couch relaxing with a cup of coffee before I've even gotten the chance to dish up my own food! It drives me nuts.
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We see DH's parents more because they live 15minutes away AND have higher expectations (at least once, but sometimes multiple times per week). I love spending time with my folks, but they live closer to an hour away and realistically, we only see them every month or two.
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We definitely spend a lot more time with my family. This is for many reasons: they live closer, his side doesn't make much effort to see us, my family does a lot more to help us (and I don't mean financially), etc. I dunno...generally speaking I don't think sons put as much effort into staying connected (in our case, it's a bit of laziness)
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Right now we see my parents more often because they're retired (and I SAH) and they live a little closer. But a few years ago when my FIL was sick we visited my in-laws every weekend for months. And my MIL is planning to move to our neighborhood in a few years when she retires, so we should see her a lot more then.
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I would say we're equal. However his parents are divorced. So we see my family every week and either his mum or dad. I really love spending time with all family, no preference mine or his.
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We see my inlaws nearly every day. They live about 5 houses away and we usually take turns hosting dinners.
We see my parents about every other month for the weekend. I'd like to see them more but it never seems to happen.
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Mine. I see my mom several times a week, and see my dad at least once a week. We see DH's parents 2-3x/month. We're about to move though, and I'm super sad about it.
I imagine we'll see his parents more now since they are retired and can visit more frequently... both of my parents work.
If they were equal distance from us I'd see my family way more than his.
I imagine we'll see his parents more now since they are retired and can visit more frequently... both of my parents work.
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