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Are you invested in a specific church? Is it possible to join a church that has a more dedicated children's ministry? We take our boys to church and they have their own programming while the parents have service. Once they are in grade school they are invited to join the main service for worship music and then they are excused for Sunday school before the adult sermon. However for my kids (almost 3 and 14 months) they get dropped off before service and we pick them up afterwards for cookies and refreshments. Aside from the first few weeks of separation anxiety our kids have done great. It does clash with our baby's nap time, but he usually has so many friends and distractions and crackers he powers through it and gets in a car nap on the way home and that's enough to keep him happy through lunch and then a long afternoon nap.

We take ours to church but our church has children's programming. We drop them off before church and pick them up after, and we get paged out if they need us. We actually tried several churches and ended up picking the one we did largely because of how awesome the kids program is. Our three year old loves it and our one year old seems happy. We have several services so we go to one that works with nap time.

We go to a church that is probably verging on mega church status, but I grew up in a smaller town and our church also had a dedicated nursery up through elementary school. But I've also gone to churches with kids in service with coloring, snacks, quiet toys, etc. and I think either way can be really lovely. I hope you find a way that works for your family!

If you set the expectation that they will sit and pay attention and adhere to that standard, it will get easier. My son does great in church now and he even deals with the two-plus hour Easter and Christmas vigils well.

I used minimal distractions--no food, no toys, very few visits to the 'family room', and only one book per service that was generally related to church/Bible stories. But I did sit in a spot where we could 'escape' easily if necessary, and as soon as he got too loud or distracting, I took him to the back of the church or outside and talked to him about what was happening inside/the readings (if we'd heard them...)/the statues in the garden. We worked up to him being able to handle the entire Mass. (And yup, I missed a lot of homilies and communions. That's just the way it goes.)

I hear you on the nap issues and ensuing behavior struggles. It feels like every church we've been to has scheduled Mass for the absolute worst possible times of day for little children.

We go to a medium-sized church that luckily has a great kids program. DD has been in the nursery rooms from about 6 months til now (almost 3). They started incorporating baby Bible in the 2 year old room and I love that she's finally learning something.

DH is very involved with the music at church so I usually let her stay in the sanctuary for the music portion and take her down to the nursery for the sermon/communion but she has stayed for the service with me occasionally as well. It was rougher before 2.5 or so, but now she will entertain herself with coloring (pencils are a novelty that she doesn't get to use much at home) or "reading" through the hymnals. I try to choose a pew that's mostly empty so she has some room to move around.

I think your kids will get used to it once it becomes the normal routine, but a good children's program definitely helps me get more out of the service!

We don't make it weekly. It's a humbling experience. I took my LO yesterday with my parents. He had gone a couple times with them before, and was always uncharacteristicly well behaved. They didn't believe when I woukd tell them he has a tough time. Yesterday was a typical day and I looked to my mom with a 'I told you so' wink!

It's nice to hear how others manage.

We go to a smallish church (a couple hundred people) and there are special classes for the kids during the service. I have a 4.5 and almost 2 year old and I can't imagine trying to keep the 2 year old with me in service. So distracting! Both of my kids love church now but it took them a little while to get comfortable. Things will definitely get easier with time.

Our church has nursery for up to age 3, so DS just started going in with me this year. DH travels most weekends for work, so its just us 2 most of the time.

Some Sundays are good, some are bad. I take stickers and crafy paper and snacks. We talk over and over on the way there about being quiet and listening, and I make a huge deal out of it the times he manages to do it.

Right now , I'm not getting much out of service while wrangling him, but I remind myself it's a season. I love the people there and the community and it's something I want to hang onto and need in my life, so we go. It will get better (or so all the other moms there tell me!).

We go every Sunday and because it's very important to us we make it work. I think it also helps that they have been to church every Sunday from 4-5 weeks old... less of an adjustment if they've been there ever since they can remember. Our last church I had my baby (from when he was one month until 18 months) with me during service. People were understanding and there was a lot of space in the back for him to play quietly. There was a separate nursery if he was having a bad day.

Our current churchthere is a children's program for 15 mo and older. So my oldest went to "class" (cried first few times but got used to it) and when my second was born I ergoed or held her thru service. It helps that there is a back room for moms with young kids with a futon and toys and changing area. Now my youngest is 16 months so both of the kids go to their Sunday school "classes" and I get to enjoy service with my husband.

If it's important to you stick it out and it will for sure get easier! And if you're committed you can even talk to church leadership about how it can be easier for you. Usually at a smaller church people want to make it easier for you to come out and will try to accommodate.. at least that's in my experience...

It was tough taking LO under year. She caused a ruckus, as aligned with her usual baby behavior, so we finally went to the nursing room and watched it from there. We did a lot of online services and then put her in the nursery. I even volunteered there for awhile. No tips...just encouragement as it is just temporary. Oh another thing that helped since I didn't get too much out of distracted messages is that DH and I started a very small group of Christian parents of preschoolers while LO was 3-4 to support each other deepening faith and prayer while the kids played together one evening a week.

We've had DS with us in the sanctuary (as opposed to the cry room) with us since he was 2.5, and DD (16 months) has never been in the cry room. Lots of good advice here! But here's some we do that hasn't been mentioned yet:

- sit close to the front of the church, not the back! It's easier for kids to behave and engage if they can see the action, you can explain what is going on. And if you are next to the aisle, you can make a quick escape as necessary.
- For young toddlers, point out lambs, other symbols quietly. Blow kisses to Jesus in the stained glass or statues. Bring coloring books. Encourage her to shake hands with others if that is part of your service. Walk around if necessary but always go back to the pew. I feel like before 2, it's a lot to ask a mobile toddler to stay still, so walking around is ok when you know your older kid will be ok for a minute.
- and this was already mentioned, but talking a lot about behavior expectations before church is soooo helpful. Ours for 2.5 -3 were "stay in the pew, no fits-- ask for what you need calmly, use a quiet voice." Within a couple months DS really had it down.

We take our two girls -- but I will admit, I spend a lot of time with the baby in the nursing room. She still takes two naps, and her first one usually ends up being right at the beginning of the service. We do what we can.

For my 4.5yo, she knows the rules. It's quiet play with books, small toys, stickers, colouring etc. If she starts getting loud or whiny, we go downstairs and she sits on my lap or on the chair next to me with no toys until she's gotten it out of her system. It is a long time to sit, but I think there's value in having kids learn to sit quietly for short periods.

It will take time if they're not used to it for sure. It's a lot to ask right off the bat, but stick with it.

Both DDs have gone since birth, since they're pastor's kids

Currently we are in our own church in a movie theater; we don't have a lot of kids yet so I dedicate my time to chasing my 2.5 year old around while wearing my 6 mo old.

At our old church, once DD1 was mobile she went to Sunday school. When we went to a transition church before we started our own, she also went to Sunday school. At first when she was shy, I wouldn't be able to stay in service and had to hang around with her outside they but did have audio/video.

I think it's important for a church community to be family friendly, to either have a dedicated children's ministry, or have a casual service environment where it's okay if kids make noise, and okay if they run around (to a certain degree). I don't think I can ever expect young children to stay still and quiet through a whole service!

So from my perspective of being the church, we don't have a lot of resources at the moment but we have a dedicated kids room with various activities and a semi structure time. And if kids choose to stay with their parents, they are okay to not sit still and they don't have to be quiet (all to a certain degree).

@PawPrints: Ooh that's a great plan!

@Cherrybee: Since your younger daughter isn't getting much out of it, and also making it difficult for you to get much out of it, why don't you leave her at home with your husband and just bring your older daughter?