My co-worker delivered at the hospital my friend is delivering at on Monday and I was asking her opinion on the lactation consultants. This was at 8:00 am and there were not many people around given it was so early. We got into a conversation about nursing (since both of us nursed and my friend wants to as well). Right after we finished my boss who shared a cube wall with my co-worker came up to me and said I should be aware of who is around when having a conversation because what I am talking about could be offensive. She said she wanted to give me "timely feedback". Really? We are a department full of working women, all with little one's at home. I wasn't feeding my kids at my desk (although I have fed them in the closet I pump in at work when they were here for baby day). I never find nursing conversations to be offensive and that is a pretty strong word to use for a natural process. I feel like talking about breastfeeding takes the stigma away; little by little. Am I just being to granola about this or would you feel off put by that comment?
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I would be very much put off by that statement. You weren't giving a play-by-play of your sexual acrobatics with your SO, you were talking about feeding your child. Does she also get offended when people take lunch orders?!
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I would definitely be put off, especially because she used the word offensive, like you were being vulgar or something.
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I had a similar situation, where my boss's boss said that she personally feels that nursing and pumping are unnatural and "creepy" and that my talking about it in any way made her and others uncomfortable. She told me that she formula fed her boys and thought everyone should because breastfeeding is sexually inappropriate (which shocked and offended me, but I didn't say so).
She went on to lecture me that I needed to not talk about nursing or pumping at work, and to be more discreet when going back and forth to the mothers' room to pump. It really offended me, but I'm not sure that it's protected speech.
Ugh.
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That is insane! Talking about feeding a baby... Nothing is wrong with that.
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I think it's as protected as talking about what you had for lunch, or what you are going to eat for dinner is---ie., maybe in *some* select situations it wouldn't be appropriate (in a formal meeting, where I'm sure moms wouldn't be talking about it anyway). But just in workplace chatter? WTF cares?
I would bring is up with the boss again and let her know how you feel, or if she isn't the type you can reason with...talk to HR.
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Here it is a protected right. I didn't know it wasn't in the States until I had been there a number of times and openly bfed my daughter, to a lot of stares, lol. So yes, I think it should. And even though I work in a conservative work culture, I talk with the other moms of littles about breastfeeding all the time and nobody has ever said anything. I have also talked to my male bosses about pumping and the need to accommodate without flinching. So it being a protected right helps normalize it, and I don't feel like an activist doing it, just like a regular breastfeeding mother.
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@Ra: @Mrs. Sunshine: thank you for validating my feelings!
I stink at responses when things are thrown at me like this. Any advice? I nodded, pursed my lips and said thanks for sharing with me - turned around and went back to work. Kind of passive agressive but I don't know how to respond to this stuff. Also, this isn't the first time at this company I someone has said people are offended by my talking about nursing. See I EBF my twins (and still nurse them at 28 months) so when someone becomes a new Mom they come to me with questions, advice, for support, etc so this conversation happens a lot around me. I worked with our operations team to improve the 2 lactation rooms on campus. It's my thing that brings me joy to help others but all these comments have come from working Mom's.
I think some of it may stem from Mom's who weren't able or decided not to nurse and carry over some of their own guilt. I talk about nursing because it worked for me and my family- its what I know. But if I were talking about how to formula feed a new baby I don't feel like anyone would ever feel the need to say something to me.
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I also think that it's generally considered to be immature to think breastfeeding is gross or sexual, and to criticize someone for talking about it.
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I think that's a crappy statement because it's not offensive in the least, but i also don't think it's necessarily office appropriate conversation. More like...lunch table talk, depending on the depth of the conversation.
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@ballerinabee: Sexually inappropriate?! That's repulsive.
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Generally I would say it's totally not inappropriate and I would have been pissed if I were you...but in the workplace I would say it kind of depends on the conversation. Talking about LCs, pumping, upping milk production, all totally fine. Talking about raw or cracked nipples...yeah, maybe go out together on your lunch break and discuss, because that is a little bit TMI for the workplace in my opinion.
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@Rockies11: I like what you said about not feeling like an activist - that is the perfect description. I believe talking about it makes it more normal. I have been at this company for 10 years. I was only the second Mom to breastfeed and the only one to reach the one year mark EBF. Since then, every single Mom has reached the 6 week mark at a minimum. Co-workers have said we knew we could do this because you had two at the same time and made it work. I am proud of that statement.
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As a formal cubicle sitter myself, sometimes the personal discussions do get too loud and distracting, so I've been on both sides...where I've asked people to keep it down when I am on a call and people on the other end remark about the background noise and where I have been asked to lower my own volume, topics aside.
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@wonderstruck: that was the conversation - I asked my co-worker about her experience at the hospital with the lactation consultants so I could let my friend know what to expect.
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@looch: yes but this was at 8:00 am- the only people here were my co-worker, my boss and me. I didn't go talking to my co-worker at 10 am in an office full of people.
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@Ms.SK: Have to say though - it kind of makes you SOUND like an activist and possibly judgy of those moms who don't EBF when you comment about being the only one to EBF for a year and how you've helped all the moms in your workplace since then with breast feeding...like you're the office LC or something. If it's taking over work conversations that frequently or making other moms feel crappy or pressured (obviously I haven't heard the conversations, just throwing it out there as a possibility), I can see your boss saying something about that, although clearly they could have phrased it differently.
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@Ms.SK: I don't think time matters. At 8:00, things are in full swing here, our parent offices are 6 hours ahead of us.
No matter what you're talking about, it could offend someone, so that's why I tend to avoid discussing personal topics around certain spaces in the office. And also, an exec can be walking down the hall and hearing chatter and say something to your line manager.
Wow, I sound like a curmudgeon.
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ya i can't imagine knowing who has/has not breastfed in my office and for how long. if it comes up all the time, it might not be an issue of the topic but an issue of the frequency.
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@wonderstruck: that is a fair comment given this short conversation. It isn't really like this day to day but I hear what you are saying. I wouldn't say it is frequent but is something that comes up every few months. In another life I think I would love to be a LC but that isn't in my cards. It is also hard because once someone knows they come to you. It is the same way for the woman who volunteers as an EMT and everyone goes to her for medical advice-LOL. No one has told her they are offended of her conversations about medical issues.
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@looch: ha, i'll join you. I now sit four cubes down from our director so I'm sort of hyper aware of that stuff now.
Sounds like you just made your boss uncomfortable and she didn't know how to really say that
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Considering that I work in an office of mostly men and have talked about nursing and pumping at work without offending people, I think this is bonkers! I've definitely had conversations with the one other woman I know who nursed and pumped in our cube area and in the hallway about nursing and pumping and no one seems to care! They just ignore us. I've also talked to male coworkers about it, especially bosses, because I've had to tell them my pumping schedule and stuff.
Being able to talk about things that are important to us outside of work is what brings us closer together and allows teams to bond and work together more efficiently. And if the only person you know who's successfully nursed and pumped is someone at work, I don't know why you shouldn't be able to talk to them about it! I got some fabulous advice about nursing/pumping from the one woman I knew at work!
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@Ms.SK: Well for what it's worth I would also be nicely telling the EMT to be quiet because I'm pretty squeamish with some medical stuff, haha. Actually I have askedco-workers to stop talking about medical stuff before. The guys I worked with love the graphic bloody details...ew.
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I am not sure what you mean by "protected right." If you mean legally protected I don't think the conversation would be. Even if you are in a "right to breastfeed" state, you are protected in the actual act of nursing and protected in any conversations related to getting that accommodation (like discussing with a boss pumping rooms, or leaving a meeting by saying "I need to go nurse"). I think of the protected stuff similarly to the Americans with Disabilities Act. If you lost your legs, you are entitled to accommodations to get around, etc, and you are protected in talking about things you need to help you, but you aren't entitled to tell the graphic medical story of how you lost them.
That said, I think your boss was insensitive and childish. I would be upset as well, but probably just drop it unless she decided to actually formally reprimand you.
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@Ms.SK: you should be proud and I'm sure you've helped a lot of moms (that 6 week mark is the hardest part to get through, IMO!).
I can understand not talking about personal life in front of clients and maybe coworkers you don't interact with on a day to day, but I don't think anything was offensive here. -
Thanks everyone! This was just what I needed.
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I'm with @blackbird: and @looch: in that there isn't anything wrong with talking about breastfeeding but you need to do so in the appropriate time and place and I don't know that I can agree that in the middle of an area of cubicles during the workday is really the appropriate time and place. A lunch break together would be perfect!
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How annoying! There is nothing wrong with talking about breastfeeding. There is always someone out there that will have a problem with anything and everything, I hate that we have to cater to them when they are the ones with the problem.
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Wtf, who would find that offensive?! I mean maybe if someone was going into detail about their sore cracked nipples that would make some people squeamish, but discussing lactation consultants and general things I can't see as offensive at all. Or maybe personal conversation at all bugs some people at work.
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