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I would figure out another way to address your in laws that wasn’t just their first name, which to me is disrespectful. My FIL insists on it, but I have always hated it and now I get to say Pops, what the baby calls him. Would you be okay with Mr. First name, Mr. last name or the grand parent name?

I think it’s ok for them to say no to a name, but not to demand dad as a name. So I’d probably go with mr lastname if it’s a perceived respect issue. I usually call my FIL grandpa now! (But he’s ok with first names anyway)

I don't see calling them by their first names as disrespectful by any stretch of the imagination. Before we went no contact with my in laws my FIL was big on trying to hug me or kiss me, and since I didn't like him, I wasn't a fan at all. He brought it up to my husband that I must not have been loved by my parents if I shyed away from a hug.

I digress (I could go on about my distaste for him for days), if you're not comfortable calling him dad, don't call him dad. Call him by his first name, or Mr Lastname, or whatever your children call him. I'd do what you do and just avoid using any name if possible.

I think its disrespectful he is insisting you call him dad. My FIL is great and I love him to pieces, but I only have one man that has earned Dad status.

I would say, "Gosh, I am uncomfortable calling someone else than my dad that, and I'd hate to hurt his feelings. Would you be more comfortable if I called you Mr. Last Name?"

I just had this conversation with my husband - I can't see myself ever calling his parents mom and dad. Because... they aren't my mom and dad 🤷‍♀️ I call them by their first names (which they don't seem to mind) or Grandma / Poppa if R is around.

@crazydoglady: @Sams Mom: in my culture you don’t call elders simply by their first name. For cousins my parents age I use Cousin First name. Everyone growing up was at least Ms/ Mr first name or if they were a doctor it was certainly Dr. Last-name. This sense of deference carriers over into adulthood. My FIL’s insistence is a bit unusual. As time wears on and a sense of familiarity and true friendship develops the formality disappears, but in the case of my mom DH still calls her Ms. last name.

@Foodnerd81: Daddy! LOL

@Foodnerd81: Yes, please op, call him "daddy."

My parents were high school sweethearts so by the time my grandma passed away in her 80s, my parents had already been together like 40 years, and I remember my mom calling her mil “mom” but only in like, the very last years of her life. So, it took 4 decades to get to that point, lol.

For my in laws, wanting me to call them mom and dad was about power. They wanted to reinforce the notion that I was a mere child compared to their age and experience.

F that. I call them by their first names, because that's what mutual adults do in social situations that aren't formal.

I love my in laws but I would never call them mom and dad! I have a mom and dad already. One of my husband’s cousins has a girlfriend he’s been dating a year and she calls his parents mom and dad. She’s great but that seems bizarre to me!

I typically call them what the kids call them. Mr. and Mrs. seems too formal for how close we are but first names doesn’t feel quite right. My husband still calls my mom Mrs and calls my dad by his nickname.

I do not have a good relationship with my ILs. I've been with my husband for over 13 years now but I have literally never addressed them. There is a language barrier so that may be part of it. I will not call them mom/dad and they dont want to be called Mr/Mrs. So... i dont address them.. ever.

I would feel so uncomfortable calling my in-laws Mom and/or Dad, and I think it is super presumptuous to expect that from a fully grown adult.

I would either just call him Mr. Lastname or maybe even Father-in-Law.

I would also try to visit him less if he is that much of an unpleasant control freak.

I would def not feel comfortable calling in laws mom and dad and I have great IL's. I think it's rude of him to expect you to call him dad. Mom and dad are very dear words to me and I will only call my actual mom and dad them, they have deep meaning to me. It's Ludacris that he's saying it's rude to call another adult by their actual name... really??? He needs to get over himself and let it go.. I'd make my DH have a stern convo with him and tell him how it is and to drop it.....

Well first off, he’s being ridiculous. He can’t force an adult who isn’t his child to call him dad. My MIL also told me I could call her mom when we got married (I’m not close with her at all) and I almost laughed. My husband rarely calls them mom and dad! He uses their first names I’m only calling my own parents mom and dad, period. It might be different if we were close or maybe I viewed her as a mother figure, but...I don’t.

I call my ILs by their first names. Sometimes their English first names, sometimes their nicknames in their native language. If my sons are around it’s grandma and grandpa (in their language).
My husband also calls my parents by their first names. Side note that my parents would be pissed if I called them by their first names, becuase they do view that as disrespect, but they don’t bat an eye when my husband does.

My mom and Aunt both called my grandma (their MIL) “Mrs T”. It felt less formal than “Mrs FullLastName” but a little more than calling her by her first name. My dad, interestingly, kind of went back and forth on what he called my other grandma (his MIL). He mostly called her by her nickname “Ro”, but sometimes I heard him call her mom. But he was very, very fond of her.

I don't see how calling him by his first name is rude in his eyes. I would never call my in laws mom or dad. I already have parents who get that title. I call my IL's by their first name. If he wants you to call him by Mr.LastName as others have suggested, I would tell him to call me Ms.MyLastName This reminds me of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode where the husband's crazy mom wanted the wife to start calling her mom and she finally did it and then the wife told Ray if she had to call his mom "mom", then he had to call her mom "mom" and his crazy mom walked in and heard Ray calling his wife's mom and her face and reaction was priceless.

@aprild: I agree with @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: In some cultures it is disrespectful to call in laws or anyone the age of your parents by their first names. I'm surprised so many posters think its ok to call them by their first name but it must be a cultural difference.
I am not comfortable calling my in laws mom and dad so I generally phrase my convos with them to avoid addressing them at all except when my kids are there; then I can call them granpa and grandma on behalf of the kids.

I would try to come to some agreement on something else to call him other than his first name.

I would seriously consider giving him a nickname that I knew would irk him ... like “Not my daddy”

I call mine by their first names, now my husband grandparents I used the grandparent name but they used a name from their culture of origin and my grandparents used traditional American grandparent names and had all been deceased at least ten years when I got married. My husband calls my parents by their first names.