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People always say that being a grandparent is greater than being a parent because you get to do the fun things as opposed to the difficulty of parenting. In no way does that mean that being a grandparent superceeds the role of the parent. The behavior you described isn't about fulfilling her grandmother role, she's undermining and disrespecting you. Definitely talk to her.

My mom and dad are very similar to what you're describing.

No advice, just commiseration.

My MIL falls all over herself praising LO. She's only seen him a few times, but my goodness he praise thru FaceTime and via text is a little sickening. Based on DH's stories she was not like this at all. I kind of love it, but again she hasn't had the opportunity to undermine me.

I'm pretty easy-going about grandparent behavior generally, but having either of our parents openly criticize us (especially in front of our kids--that would be a heck no!) for appropriately disciplining our kids would completely annoy me and would be something I would respond to. I would probably try to make light of it at first, like, "Ahh, yes, I'm sure never setting limits would make life more fun for today, but we're trying to make sure she turns out to be the kind of person you want to be friends with in 20 years!" But if it kept going, we would have to have a frank talk about the fact that while she's a grandma and doesn't bare the ultimate responsibility of raising this child to be a good, contributing human being, we do, and as part of that, we will discipline appropriately when we are with our child.

As far as the over-the-top affection, etc., I think there must just be something magical about grandparenthood. Maybe part of it is you see how quickly your own kids grew up and how they turned out so well (hopefully!), and you see times that you were too hard on them, that you didn't slow down enough, etc. I'm always amazed that my dad gets down on the floor and has tea parties, etc. with my nieces because he definitely didn't do that kind of thing with me, but I wonder if part of that is because he wishes he would have.

@Ajsmommy: I think the idea is that, in both my mom and MIL's words, "grandparents are supposed to spoil them!" So since they aren't responsible for how they turn out or the consequences they can dote and do what they want and send them home. It can be a little annoying but I remember the relationship I had with my grandma growing up and in my head she could do no wrong. Overall I think that spoiling was what I "needed" from her, not from my mom. So that's what makes being a grandparent fun.

On the other hand, I don't let any of the grandparents undermine me, at least not over anything more than whether they can have a scoop of ice cream after dinner. I just don't. I physically remove my los from the situation if it's really something I don't want. I'm pretty lenient though.

@Ajsmommy: Your mother is not just "being a grandparent". She is undermining your parenting. If I were you, I would get serious about that topic. If she can't support you as a parent, then she shouldn't have much, if any, access to your children.

I just got into a huge argument with my parents because they were ignoring my screen time rules. They seemed shocked when I told them that if it's too much for them to watch my son -- i.e., they need the break that screen time allows -- then I can find someone else to watch him. They had the gall to complain that I should set a better example for my son by speaking more respectfully to them; meanwhile they were teaching him that my rules could be ignored.

Now that I have my own nuclear family, I will not hesitate to protect those relationships above any extended family. If they don't like it, well... too bad, so sad.