Does anyone have a difficult relationship with their mother?

My mom lives far away and adores my baby (only a few months old), but is really opinionated and often refuses to follow my requests when caring for my son because she disagrees. I can really use the help when she visits, but she always throws off his schedule, and thus his sleep at night and that is so hard!

It is usually simple things, and I try hard just to let them go. But it is really so frustrating and I feel like I can't trust her because she won't do what I ask. Like when I tell her he needs to nap after a certain amount of time awake.

She thinks it is too soon and keeps him awake until he is screaming and falling apart, and then she announces that he is just throwing a temper tantrum and tells others that my baby has a temper!

She will speak in this passive aggressive voice as if she is talking for the baby in front of me and say things like "I'm just not tired see?!" and "I'm hungry, Mom, that's why I'm so fussy." (I know he isn't hungry).

The trickiest part is that if I try to show her what he likes, how he calms down, how we swaddle him, how we do anything with him, she sees it as patronizing and controlling. Her idea of calming him down is talking louder and playing louder and it just works him up into a frenzy. Then when I calm him down, she says it was all because my baby just wants his mom. Which might be true, but I have seen him stay calm with all other caregivers and friends.

This was such a rambling post. I feel so stuck.