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No advice, but wanted to let you know you're not alone... We were hoping for a 2-3 year age gap but ended up with 4 years, 4 months. It took 2 years of trying to conceive our second. I know how frustrating it is to see the age gap growing bigger and bigger. In a weird way, I'm "mourning" the loss of the ideal family image I had in mind - 2 children, 2 years apart. I guess it was harder for me because my brothers and I are 4 and 8 years apart, and I always wished we were closer in age.

I wanted a 3 year gap but now that I have a 3 year old and have had 2 losses, yeah, I don't know at this point if we'll even have another let alone what gap there might be. It bums me out to think about a 5 year gap but there isn't much we can do about it and need to just think about the positives. I refuse to live in the past or in the "what ifs" so it's all about a positive attitude at this point.

ETA: my sister and I are 10 years apart and my brother and I are 6 years apart and we are all super close so I'm not too worried about that. Although we may not have been super play buddies as kids there were other perks. They would take me to do such fun stuff as a kids, stuff my other friends didn't get to do so that was always a positive for me when I was feeling lonely or left behind!

We wanted a 2.5ish year gap and it will be almost 4 instead. Although LO2 isn't here for a few more months, I'm happy to not have a newborn while LO1 has been going through the worst of her threenagerness.

@deerylou: I originally thought a gap of 2.5-3 years would work well for our family. I got pregnant with a baby that would be exactly 2.5 years younger than LO1 but lost that baby to a missed m/c at 12 weeks. It then took a year to successfully conceive LO2. I had a lot of the same concerns about my "preferred" age gap and family dynamicsand had to process the loss of my expectations. They are just over 3.5 years apart.

But lo2 is 7 months old now and I am happy with where we are. LO1 is old enough to do so many things for herself and can understand the idea of needing to wait for mama to do x y z. We also use screen time fairly regularly since I solo parent a lot and I feel more comfortable with that since she is older. I also feel like she had a good long run as the baby and I don't feel like she had to grow up fast or anything. Plus she loves the baby and he is obsessed with her, so seeing their little burgeoning sibling relationship just melts my heart!

There have been a number of times in the last 7 months where I have thought how glad I am that she is as old as she is, and never a time when I wished she was younger. When you have the next baby, that age gap will be your reality and you will make the most of it.

I am so sorry for your struggles!

@deerylou: closing in on a 7 year age gap and I couldn't be happier. To have had all these years with just DD has been amazing. Our bond is rock solid and we have reaped the benefits of so much quality time together. For that I am forever grateful. Now, with #2 on the way she's fully aware and over the moon excited about her soon to be arriving brand new brother or sister.

I think she enjoys feeling like an active participant in this family and this experience (mommy pregnant, all the plans and preparations for baby, all the ultrasounds and dr appts) has only furthered that.

Added bonus is she's in grade one so I'll have full days at home with baby as we work at establishing our bond and soaking in all that newborn loveliness

Things don't always go as planned, but sometimes they end up being even better than we could've imagined.

@deerylou: I always imagined we would have a 2.5-3 yr age gap. But then we had a baby and we just weren't ready. Mentally and definitely financially(gotta love day care payments). We finally settled on a 4 yr difference. But then moved up the timeline, 6 months, but then DH got cold feet. Now we are starting TTC the end of March, so minimum she will be 3.75. But I really think this age gap will be a lot better for us. She already isn't jealous whenever she sees me hold a baby and wants to help. I think her age and independence will be great when trying to deal with a preschooler and a newborn. Looking back at 2.5 I don't think either one of us would have handled an addition well at all.

DD1 is currently 4 years 3 months. Her baby sister died shortly after she was born - they would have been 3 years 2 days apart which I thought would have been perfect. We just started trying to add to our family again and it's not easy. So we are looking at a 5+ age gap. It's hard thinking of that big of a difference - will they be playmates, will they have anything in common, will they be close, will they even be able to relate to each other in any meaningful way before they are both 30...so many thoughts about how it is just not an ideal age difference. But I think about all the pros too - DD1 is so much more prepared for a sibling and understands so much and has so much more patience, etc - right now she is very excited at the thought of us having a baby and has the ability to understand how much time and work it takes to care for a new baby. And I just keep thinking that I will continue parenting her to be a kind and caring person...and hopefully that will just carry through to her younger sibling and hopefully foster a loving relationship between the two of them

I wanted them 2 years apart as my brother and I were two grades apart and that was nice. But I had trouble TTC and then had 2 miscarriages. Our LOs ended up just about 3 years apart. While I am sad to have lost those pregnancies, I do not regret the age difference at all. I think back the last 9 months and think it would have been so much harder then than now. And he is so happy and sweet with baby. I'm very happy with how things turned out. Lots of luck to you!

My best friend has a 5 year age gap after a miscarriage (which, if it had not occurred, would have led to a 2.5 year age gap). It wasn't what they planned but I think in retrospect has worked really well for their family. At first, the 5 year old was more concerned about everyone loving the baby more than her (something a 2-3 year old can't vocalize) but she was also old enough to understand their responses to that. Now, she is 9 and the youngest is 4. She is so so helpful with her sister and for a long time, the parents have had more freedom and alone time (letting the kids play together independently) than they may have if they were closer together. The girls still seem really close too!

From another perspective, my two boys are 2.5 years apart. I obviously love our little family but do wonder sometimes now if things like the adjustment might be a tad easier if my eldest wasn't in the midst of potty training, terrible two/threenager tantrums, giving up his nap, etc. I guess all that to say - there are pros and cons no matter the split! And, so much is determined by the kiddos personality.

E will be 4 in May and baby sister is due any day now. I originally wanted about a 2.5 year gap, but we were waiting for a cross-country move and then DH had some strong doubts about having another that took time to work through. I worry about the relationship that they will have, but I have a brother two years older and another 10 years younger and I'm probably closer to the younger. There are a lot of positives that I'm looking forward to though. E is able to understand more of what is going on, he's able to play independently, or watch a whole movie if I need him to. He's potty trained and starts 4k in the fall, so daycare will be less expensive overall. I know he'll be a great helper, and it's actually really fun to see how excited he gets about some of this process.