I have a family member who likes to bring gifts for my toddler son. However, none of these gifts are ever new and are purchased at thrift stores and yard sales. I wouldn't mind it if the items were in good condition, but the majority of the stuff is not. For example, the clothes might have small stains or are missing a button, etc. The toys are missing pieces or have scuffs/dents on them. This person seems to think quantity is better than quality. Instead of purchasing one quality item, they will bring a box full of these thrift store finds that we never end up using. I feel bad for not keeping the items, but like I said, they aren't in good condition. What would you do in this situation? I feel like if I say something it might hurt their feelings, but I also don't like them wasting their money.
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That is a tough situation, because it's a nice thought. Honestly toys ate so ridiculously expensive that yard sales, Craig's List, etc are a great way to get them. But not if they're in bad condition. Is it possible you and this person could go to yard sales together and you can talk about which toys look like good deals and which don't? Maybe you could phrase it as a safety issue?
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I don't mind yard sale/thrift store toys, so I would keep those. Any clothes with stains or missing buttons I would toss out or re-donate.
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@MoonMoon: this person lives out of town, so they bring all the gifts each time they visit, which is about twice a year. Going shopping with them wouldn't be an option. I could try phrasing it as a safety issue. I know they once gifted us a used baby swing that I looked up online and found out had been recalled.
@photojane: that's what we have been doing with the clothes. The toys often get tossed too, simply because they are broken or missing parts. I don't mind a used quality toy, but what they are giving us is cheap plastic broken stuff.
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I have a family member who also loves thrift store and yard sale items. Sometimes we keep the items if we like them, and if we don't we usually re-donate them.
Since you only see this person a couple times a year I would be inclined not to say anything, and just get rid of anything you don't want, even though I know it's a hassle to have to even deal with the junk they bring. If they ask about a particular item, I would just be upfront and say, "We had to get rid of it because it was broken when we opened it." They probably won't take the hint since they buy so many junky items, but one can hope...
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I think I agree with @Pancakes. If you saw them a lot, so that you were dealing with this frequently (or they would easily notice that you got rid of everything) I'd probably say something, but for a couple times a year... I'd avoid any conflict and let them waste their money. I'm non-confrontational though. The only exception, I think, would be if they were pretty broke and really didn't have the money to waste.
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My MIL pretty much buys exclusively at yard sales/consignment shops and she is definitely a quantity over quality type person. I am not. So many of the items get donated. I don't feel bad. She's known me for almost 15 years and still doesn't know me well enough to not get us a ton of crap, even after telling her we are trying to reduce our clutter/material possessions
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We have relatives who do this, but nearly everything has been in pretty good shape. I agree with @Pancakes: about keeping what you want and re-donating the rest.
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@Pancakes: That's true. Since we don't see them very often, it's probably not worth it to say anything. I don't think they can take a hint either, since they should know our taste by now. Honestly, I would rather they didn't bring any gifts than a box of stuff we end up having to get rid of.
@NorCalWayfarer: I am like you in that I also try to limit how much stuff we have in the house and just have quality items. I don't think my son needs a ton of cheap toys and would prefer for him to have only high quality wooden toys or educational items that will last a long time. I'm the same way with his clothes and only buy pieces that will last, since I plan to reuse all his clothing with my next son. I honestly would rather they not buy us anything than bring a box of stuff we will have to get rid of.
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Thank them for their generosity and thoughtfulness and explain how your LO now has more than enough and to please don't buy any more stuff. Keep what you want and give/get rid of the rest.
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I am curious, what did they recently include in the box of toys? My son loves to "make projects" with basically garbage, so I think there might be some hope for that box of toys!
My dad got my son a pretty banged up three wheeler from a garage sale, but I'll be honest, my son plays hard and this year, I will recycle it without feeling guilty.
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@aprild: My husband's grandparents are exactly like this! They have a Great Depression "We should buy this because it's cheap" mindset whereas we keep a pretty minimalist house.
We've had two ideas that helped a little. The first one is we went through another family member. We asked my MIL to mention to them we don't have room for too many toys and really don't need more clothes. That helped at least reduce the amount of things.
The other thing we did was think about things we could actually use that people sell at garage sales and put his grandparents on the hunt for us - "Hey, since you're garage sale experts, can you keep an eye out for a sandbox or a sand and water table?" We haven't gotten one yet but at least it's sort of focusing their energy on something that would actually be helpful to us.
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@looch: It's hard to remember all the toys, but I know there was a pound and tap type toy that was missing the hammer, so my son couldn't actually pound it. There was a rocking horse that was missing screws, so it kept falling over. The screws are not a standard size, so we couldn't replace them. There was a box of Mega Blocks, which was fine, but they were very dirty/had sticky stuff on them. They gave them directly to my son to play with instead of letting us wash them first, which really grossed my husband out. They gave us a baby swing once that we found out had been recalled. They gave us stuffed animals that had holes in them or looked very dirty/worn. Some of the stuff we did keep after we cleaned it up, but a lot was in bad shape. This family member is older, so I don't think she knows much about current kid's toys or what is considered a good deal vs. not a good deal.
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@aprild: awww, that breaks my heart, that people sell that stuff in the first place and there are people that buy it!
It's so difficult for me to be mad about it, because the intention probably comes from a good place, you know?
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@looch: I agree they have good intentions. I just wish they wouldn't waste their money. And I feel like they are being taken advantage of at these yard sales where they are buying junk and think they are getting a good deal.
@My Only Sunshine: Those are good suggestions! I'll see if I can use them somehow.
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@aprild: yes, that's exactly it!
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It's such a touchy subject because you want to be gracious. I wouldn't dress my son like a ragamuffin so the clothes would be donated if they weren't in good condition. If the giver was really excited about one of the pieces, I'd put him in it for a pic. If the toys seemed safe enough, maybe they could be outdoor toys? My mom loves picking up little surprises for the kids at yard sales and consignment but she usually finds cute stuff.
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I would thank them for their gifts and then only keep the stuff you want and donate/toss the rest. While I understand that it would be your preference to not receive anything, it is clearly their preference to give stuff. They likely derive pleasure from shopping for and giving gifts to your child, so let them. Having to make a trip to Goodwill is a small sacrifice. If they ask about something, feel free to be honest that you actually donated X because it was missing screws and was unstable or whatever. But if they don't ask, just leave it alone.
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My mom does this. I clean the toys that work (and toss the ones that don't) and they end up as extra toys downstairs. Sometimes she plays with them and sometimes not-and if not, I toss or donate them again. I just don't like to hoard stuff. As far as clothes go, I get a lot of stained or dirty or ripped clothes in the boxes, and I throw them away. I keep what I want and don't what I don't. When you send me trash bags full of random stuff, I think it's expected that it's all not going to be a winning item!
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Just take it and get get rid of what you don't want. They aren't going to be keeping track of what all you keep, especially if they're giving you a lot at a time.
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@aprild: people have differing views on the quality of materialistic things so i wouldn't say anything. i would just pass the items along (donate), kind of like sending the good intentions forward!
we donate clothes and toys constantly and i like to involve my daughter and let her know why we do it. good luck!
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