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Nobody does it all. If you want a well maintained house, good meals, lots of work time, and quality time with your family then get some kind of help

Well I'm 37 weeks with my second and we have a 20 month old who's been getting up early lately too (although we mostly ignore him and listen him to babble and make a racket until a more respectable hour).

I don't think you are overreacting. We considered getting a part-time morning nanny for the first few months after our baby is born just because I was terrified of having a second colicky reflux baby like DS1. We still may - we have a contract with an agency - but I just haven't been able to pull the trigger. I feel like I want to see how bad the sh*tshow gets first I guess?

We HAVE made other changes however. We have a housecleaner come every 2 weeks and just bought a Roomba to deal with toddler crumbs (love. it.) Because of ROOMBA we pick up toys every night which makes the house feel cleaner. We have a mommy's helper come for a few hours every other Saturday morning between breakfast and lunch while I run some errands or chores or catch up on rest. After the baby is born this might get bumped up to weekly if we don't get the nanny.

We menu plan and I basically cook over the weekend and reheat during the week.

We run laundry every single day - the tinier loads are faster to wash and fold and deal with.

We have multiples of everything so if we don't get to the dishes or whatever life goes on.

@ShootingStar: I think if you CAN afford it, why not? At least you can offer to your husband that you guys will try either the nanny or the housekeeper situation on a trial basis for 3 months--then if he feels like it's unnecessary at the point, you'll let him/her go and go back to doing it yourself.

I've had friends with kids that run the gamut between doing everything themselves and outsourcing tons of stuff, and I really see a lot of benefits in the lives of the women who can afford to outsource.

We have a nanny now, but with our first kid we didn't, and we also clean our own house. And I cook most nights--but something has to give and what "gave" is my personal care and that sucks. I weigh more than I'd like and I rarely get time to myself (even with a nanny, I'm not likely to want to pay $18 additional an hour to go get haircuts and pedicures, plus I don't have the money because of said nanny). Meanwhile, I have some friends who outsource a lot more who go to the gym 5 x a week, look fabulous, always have nice clothes (I haven't been shopping in forever), always have hair done.

I mean, who's the winner in that situation? The only badge of honor I get for cleaning my own house are my feet that need a pedicure and my hair that desperately needs a highlight. I guess we are saving the $$ and that's nice, but I sometimes wonder if kind of letting myself go is worth the money, you know?

I have wanted a cleaner for a long time too but it seemed like a luxury. We finally had someone come clean our house the week LO2 was due - both DH and I were in heaven - everything was clean and we decided that if we both continue to work now, we'll splurge and have them clean our house once a month. Things will still be a mess day to day with balancing work with home - toys, cooking, needing to find the time to bathe 2 LOs, trying to work out, etc. but at least we don't have to worry about cleaning the house as much.

We have a part time nanny that does household chores.
I'm home with three kids and just want about to stay on top of everything. I work just ten hours per week.
Having help had helped my sanity so much. I can enjoy my kids and not resent my messy messy husband.
When the kids are in bed I can spend time sing things for myself instead of just folding the mountain of laundry.
I feel like a normal person again.
If you can afford it I'd say absolutely get whatever help you need.

@bushelandapeck: totally agree. I WAH probably 30ish hours a week, my kids are in FT daycare and we have a weekly house cleaner. For me, it comes down to anxiety. I cannot function if my house is a mess and even though I'm home all the time, I never have 4-5 hours where I can just clean. Sure, I do maintenance cleaning during the week and do all the laundry, but having someone deep clean weekly makes maintaining so much easier and most importantly, I don't get as stressed. If you can afford it, go for it.

I fought DH about this (I didn't want to spend the money) until about a month after my maternity leave ended and our weekends were always exhausting and filled with housework. We have someone clean twice s month but we do everything else on our own.

We just recently (like 6 weeks ago) hired a house cleaner to come every other week, and it has seriously been life changing for me! I feel like knowing the toilets / floors / whatever are going to get thoroughly cleaned every other week allows me to be 1,000 times more laid back and relaxed at home, and to focus on other things that in the past have just hung over my head and stressed me out.

In the 6 weeks we've had her, I've decluttered closets and boxes that haven't been touched since we moved into our house 5 years ago and sewed curtains and pillows for living room. I just feel like I have SO many more hours to other things without worrying about cleaning. It also forces you to "pick up" because they can't really clean if your crap is everywhere so that helps too.

My husband can barely tell when the cleaning people come, because it's not that important to him, but he has realized the change in me, so for us it is worth it!

I'm a SAHM of a 2 year old, a soon to be 4 year old, and am currently 13 weeks pregnant. We have a weekly cleaning lady, occasional babysitters, and DH and I are already talking about what other household tasks we can outsource to make us happier/our lives easier after baby arrives (or as I get more pregnant and less able to run around). For us this could include having groceries delivered more frequently (I currently do most of the shopping in person), hiring someone to move our car weekly for street cleaning or pay for a garage, adding another day/week for the cleaning lady and asking her to start doing laundry/tidying. There is NOTHING wrong with getting extra help - removing the extra stress is good for your family and your relationship.

I didn't grow up with with this luxury (having help) and it's taking me a while to come around to accepting it - I was vehemently opposed to the idea of a cleaning lady when DH and I first met, but I have gotten used to it and can see how much it reduces our stress/bickering to have some of the undesirable but important tasks taken care of. I think at first, I thought of it as an insult to me, like I couldn't do the job well enough myself (which to be honest, I couldn't - I was a pretty lazy/lousy deep cleaner!) When we lived overseas, we eventually got full time live in help, and it was life changing. Living without it now makes me so appreciative of the people who help us out, and realize that they are worth every penny we pay them and more!

As far as tasks like washing bottles, childrens' laundry, picking up diapers/kids' groceries, etc., I feel like those are things you can expect your nanny to take over - perhaps with a small salary increase.

i agree with your husband that many families manage without the extra help--it depends on your resources, priorities, and how it is affecting your family. that being said, there is always a price to be paid, whether monetary, emotionally (i.e. stress) and/or time.

we have a 3.5 year old and a 10-month old. we have a housecleaner come every other week. that is non-negotiable. every night we come home, it is an absolutely chaotic race--LO1 wants to play outside but husband and i need to change out of our work clothes so we have to take turns watching him; pumped milk needs to be put in fridge; bottles need to be soaked in soapy water; dinner needs to be made (heated up), served, etc.; baby dinner needs to be made; baby needs to be put in bed super early because we get up early...it's really a mad rush and we have talked several times about how to make it better.

if we could afford a babysitter to come over every evening to either prepare dinner (and i'm just talking about reheating food and putting it on plates) or watch LO1 while we run around with all the other shit that has to happen, i would. it's too extravagant for us, but the downside is that we are STRESSED when we get home.

god, i didn't even mention baths. the kids are lucky if they get baths twice a week.

we could, of course, make changes. like force LO1 to come inside and maybe watch a video (and deal with ensuing meltdown when video is turned off), or do takeout more often with disposable plates, or stop pumping, etc. but we make our choices and are living with the chaos, looking forward to the future when things get a bit easier.

@ShootingStar: Well it sounds like at the very least you need a housecleaner! Ours does the straight up cleaning plus one "extra" each time like cleaning out the fridge, baseboards, dusting the ceiling fans or light fixtures, etc. That way nothing gets egregious. Someone here posted about the Bissell Symphony which steams and vacuums at once that might help if you need to clean one room real fast for the baby.

I don't think there's anything wrong with hiring the daily help too. It seems like the perfect gig for like a retiree or college kid to just spot clean and drop the kids off at daycare. My friend did this kind of personal assistant thing a few hours a day all through college and she loved it. She did mornings for one family, went to class, did school pick up and snacks and homework with another family and was working 20 hours a week making decent money and it was totally great for her schedule. DO IT.

@ShootingStar: it may be worth having a discuss about your finances, goals, etc. Since you guys are from different backgrounds, it might help to talk and have an understanding of each other's views, then talk about your goals, expectations, etc. I know it sounds like work, and you know each other, but having the discussion might really help.

Why work so hard to make the money if you can't use it to help you when you need to help? Let him know that it would really help your family, and there will be more time to focus on the things that matter to you most. Its true that a lot of families do without the help, but their financial situation is probably very different from yours.

I think you have gotten great advice from others and I echo what a lot of pp said. We have a 4.5 year old, 2 year old and a 2 day old. In the past year we have hired a cleaning service and while I don't think they do the best job ever it is the best thing ever to have my house cleaned every 2 weeks. Honestly I don't even really clean in between their visits but we just don't have the time for it. I would pay someone a million dollars to clean bathrooms! I admit that I hate paying for the service and I am thankful we can afford it. It has positively contributed to my sanity.

I am seriously wanting to hire someone to help us out for an hour in the morning and an hour or 2 in the evening to help us get out of the house in the morning and to deal with the complete chaos that the evening brings. When I go back to work I will have to resume washing pump parts and preparing bottles in addition to making the kids lunches and it stresses me out already.

So my answer is yes to getting outside help if possible. i agree with other pp that everyone probably has a different viewpoint on this and that can be based on family history, finances etc. but if you can swing and it improves your quality of life I'm all about it!

Coming home after the cleaning lady has been there makes me happy is ways that are %100 worth the money. We have someone clean once a month. I am 20 weeks pregnant and have a 14 month old. I just can't easily scrub the bathroom right now. And a clean house effects how I feel it's so worth it. When the baby comes I hope to do twice a month for a while.

Our nanny does some small things when she is home with LO. His wash, loads the dishwasher, wipes counters. And I sweep and mop often. So we get by between cleanings.

I agree a house cleaner is amazing. Ours comes as needed every 3-4 weeks. We have a pretty big lot and have some weeding/planting/bark dust spreading done a few times a year.

We are getting a cleaning lady with the addition of #2. We also have plenty of family around and a babysitter who can and does help when life becomes too much. DH and I both have demanding jobs (attorney and controller) with unpredictable hours.

Kids - DH and I can generally handle them, but then again this would be the last place we'd "give" on. Pick Up/Drop Off only takes about 20 mins extra each time...so its not that BIG for us.

Food - I have told DH that he will need to give me 1-2 hours kid free time on Sunday to prep for the week. FWIW - DH does not take a lunch and the kids meals are all provided by Daycare. I only need to prep my own meals and dinners for the week. I prep breaksfast, snacks and 3 lunches on Sundays. I'm also going to add in prepping veggies/starches for our dinners on Sundays as well.

Housecleaning - We are super lucky that our DD1 still goes down at 7/730 for the night. DD2 seems to be similar right now. So I do a lot of picking up/cleaning on week nights. I try to do it every other night. So yes - every other night my house may look scary!

We're getting a cleaning lady once a month for 8 hours. She will scrub everything so we just have to "maintain" during the month. We are also committing to a standing date night. And 1 week a quarter we are hiring a sitter to do pick ups each day that week (I work 80-90 hours the week of our quarter close).

I'd love a nanny but its not in the budget for us right now!