Hellobee Boards

I wouldn't want a high pressure elementary school. By high school, I think it's ok if something a student can choose to do (or not).

I agree with others that no way would I want that for elementary and middle school but once in High School if my child wanted that then I would be ok with it

I agree with those who wouldn't make the decision to put my kid in a school like that but would let her go when she's older if she really wants to. I would also note that I knew kids in college who had gone to pressure-cooker schools and, while it helped get them into a great college, some were so burnt out by it that they actually didn't do that well in college. I'd rather my kid not be somewhat less "prepared" for college (as long as she's got a decent foundation and has learned good study skills) but have the energy to work hard and do well once she gets there.

I went to a magnet school for high school that would likely be described as a "pressure-cooker" school (anyone from Northern VA can probably figure out what I'm talking about), but I had a great experience. I think it's largely what you make of it. I had plenty of classmates who were super stressed, intense and competitive, but I really do believe that was just part of their personalities. I didn't really find high school stressful at all, despite the environment. So I think it will really depend on my kids' personalities.

At the high school level in particular I would sure as heck rather have my kid in a school I would describe as "high-pressure" than one I would describe as "mediocre". I went to a pretty intense private prep school. I handled it fine, and it resulted in college being a relative breeze for me (and I went to a highly ranked University). My friends who came from less intense high school backgrounds really struggled to adjust to the work load and self discipline needed to succeed in college.

I'm okay with "good" rather than "the best" for schools---all the way through college. Obviously, if our kids WANT something more challenging, we will support it. But my nightmare would involve trying to send "good" but not "the best" kids to these schools and pressuring them to be the best with tutors, test prep camps, high pressure to get into expensive universities, etc.

My husband and I both grew up in the middle of nowhere (him in a developing country), and both attended pretty average state schools for undergrad and our master's, and we both did a whole lot of socializing while there....and we're doing pretty well career and income-wise.

@Truth Bombs: I had a similar experience.

I'm not familiar with the term "pressure cooker school", but from first glance, 'high pressure' can have a bad connotation bad, though....as does mediocre. I don't want my kid doing homework until 3am or cracking on a weekly basis, either. I don't think a demanding school is necessarily a bad thing--plus there are usually numerous levels. Regular classes, AP, IB, etc, for different amounts of rigor. I was still able to participate in lots of extracurriculars and keep my grades up, but the school was well known for funneling into big 10 universities. I didn't pursue that path, though. Age is most certainly a factor here. A 13 year old versus a 5 year old? Big. big. difference.

It really, really depends on the individual. I thrived in a higher expectation academic environment. My brother did not. Depends how smart the kid is, too. I don't want them going to a mediocre school and slacking out of sheer laziness, either!

I have a million very strong feelings and opinions on this topic. And crafting this reply has helped me sort through some of them. I definitely don't like the area where I live because it's a very high-pressure environment for kids (particularly high school aged kids). There's a lot of pressure and competition to be "elite" and as a consequence, lots of schools with patterns of suicides and kids transferring out due to depression and anxiety. I take the position that even one suicide is too many, let alone a pattern (but I'm a transplant to this area so maybe that's why I get so upset???).

And the other thing that I have discovered is that I have different opinions based what I felt in college, versus looking back at my experience as an adult.

While I was in college I thought that because I went to a crappy high school I was somehow not prepared for college. Looking back as an adult I see that that was just me responding to being from a very poor background and being surrounded by kids who went to prep schools and who had never had to worry about the kinds of things I grew up worrying about. I placed myself into a different class because I felt awkward, not because I was actually unable to do the work.

As an adult I can see that part of the reason I've done so well in life is because I didn't go to one of those elite schools. I learned at my very violent, under performing school that people don't hand you things in life and that you have to work to get places.

As for my children, I'm very much focused on raising them to be good people and hard workers, rather than rewarding them for being academically advanced. I hate this part of our culture that thinks that "smart" is somehow the best trait a child can have. I personally would not consider a high-pressure school to be a "good" school. I want an environment which will encourage my children to do things and prepare them for life, rather than prepare them to take tests.

I just want to add that ultimately, I don't think success in life is determined by success in school. I certainly don't think it is determined by putting kids in a high pressure environment (unless there is a specific reason to do so). I think having time for extracurricular activities, friends, etc. are incredibly important parts of being a well rounded individual. Book smarts aren't the only things that count. I also think it is really important for high school and college kids to have the time to work. I think, hands down, the thing that prepared me most for life was working a job outside of just school.

I also think it is important that you match academic expectations to your own personal child. My DH hated school fiercely, but in high school got hooked into an apprenticeship program. He was hired straight out of high school and never went to college. And while he does sometimes wish he had gotten a degree, he financially supports our family with a job he enjoys. A high pressure school environment, where academics were the only focus, would have been extremely destructive to his future.

Just throwing that out there...academics aren't everything.

I think they are fine depending on the kid. A kid that is already super smart and motivated and expresses interest to be in that environment might thrive in it.

@Torchwood: that's a great point! I think a lot of people don't benefit at all from college because their skills are in business or a trade, not academics. My uncle and two of my cousins dropped out of college and started businesses, and I don't think the little time they spent in school contributed to their success. They were just there because they were expected to be.

I want them to go to a great school all the time hence why we bought where we did. Agreed that high pressure is unnecessary for elementary and middle. But I'm ok with it for high school.

I actually went to a specialized high school that I tested into so it was definitely high pressure!

At 30 years old I've come to the personal opinion that high academic achievement is not a sure (or even the most likely) path to happiness. All I want is for my kid to be happy and be a nice person. So no, I don't really care about the best education honestly. It's a factor, but not nearly the most important one.

I liked that my high school was academically and economically diverse. I learned a lot from that environment and our public high school was big enough that we had all the AP and college courses a kid could want. I do want my child to have the opportunity to advance.
DH went to a academically very competitive private school and there were distinct advantages to being expected to succeed. He didn't feel negative pressure though about being pushed too hard and they had lots of exercise and fun stuff to do so that might helped it not be a pressure cooker.
@tofuwad: i agree, Its almost like learning a new language and behavior going into a different community with how things are dealt with and what upsets people and that can be more intimidating to learn that then the actual academics

It depends on the kid. I have met kids that are so much more relaxed in that kind of environment. The drive of the school matches the drive of the kid. I've also met kids who would wilt in that kind of environment.

The real question for me is how to determine what kind of environment your child would thrive in. I'd love to know how to do that. I see my kids so much that I see glimpses of all types of learning. Not sure what their dominant learning types are...

@Torchwood: yes! There's a lot to be said for that experience of being told how smart and gifted you are from a young age, then finding out as an adult you are pretty darn average and learning to cope with that.

For me, it really depends on the kid and what environment they will thrive in based on their interests and personality. I want my kids to learn tangible skills that will help them be successful in a career that interests them, and that doesn't always come from the typical school environment.

Like @Mae I just want my child to be happy, whatever that means for her. My mom loved vicariously through my achievements and put a lot of pressure on me (plus I already have a personality that lends itself to putting a lot of pressure on myself to be a high achiever) and it has really shaped my views on the topic and how I hope to raise my children bc it wasn't the happiest path for me growing up.

@tofuwad: I wouldn't consider a high pressure school to be a good school either.
@Mae: ditto!