My 5 year old has taken to lying to me way too often for my liking. She will flat out deny hitting her brother, throwing something, etc even when I saw her do it. This usually turns into an argument and she will not back down. Other than arguing with her, how else do you handle lying?
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We have the same issue. I was trying to get her to understand why it's not ok to lie and it got us no where. So now I take things away. I still talk to her about why it's not ok and how it's important to own your mistakes. Also that there is no need to lie because it was just a bad choice and we can make better choices next time. But ya the last time she lied I took the iPad away for a week. And even though she doesn't use it much she would still ask to use it and we would have another talk about why it was taken away. Still a work in progress though.
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This must be a phase at this age because my 5 year old is doing the same thing. He gets an automatic time out for lying. 5 minutes in addition to whatever the punishment is for the behavior that he is lying about. I explain to him that lying only makes it worse and will only make the punishment worse because then he is in trouble for 2 things, not just one.
It kind of works because now when he lies about something, he immediately follows it with "fooled you!"
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I just read about this somewhere....maybe the "How to talk" book for little kids, since that was my most recent parenting read. It's normal and all kids go trough this stage....my 4 year old just started doing this and her lies are so bad. Like the other day, she pushed her sister right in front of me. I stupidly asked "did you just push your sister?" in a menacingish tone of voice. (This is a no no. Don't ask questions you already know the answer to, it gives them a reason/chance to lie). Then she said she didn't push, she just had her arms stretched out and when sister walked by, sister ran right into her outstretched arms, which made her fall. She demonstrated several times how she just innocently had her arms out. The whole thing was a hilariously bad lie and she was so insistent that she was innocent.
Anyway, here's an excerpt from the book about lying. It does go more into detail than just this bit:
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@Anagram: we have hilariously bad lies here as well from my 4 year old. Her favorite is to come out of the bathroom and yell "I washed my hands! Don't feel them!" (Because in the past I have felt them to see if they were still damp from washing or if she was lying). If she just came out and went about her business I wouldn't even notice but when she announces it I have to do something.
I have no answers. I mostly just get madder and fight with my 4 year old which is super helpful. Then time out.
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We're getting a lot of "I'm not sure" or "I can't remember" when we find something in her pockets (like a sticker or a small package of gummies). And then it's usually "someone gave it to me," but she has no recollection of who...really finding it hard to know how far to push.
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I used to lie incessantly to my parents. DH said his parents went by "you will get in more trouble lying than telling the truth, even if we aren't happy with it." I'm trying to implement that with our kids. So I don't make a big deal out of it if a mistake was made but they own up to it. But lying will get swift discipline, whether it's going to their room for a little bit, not getting any treats, taking something away, early bedtime. My DD doesn't want to disappoint me ever at this point (she's 4.5). If this happens, she usually then tells the truth and apologizes, at which point I applaud telling the truth even if it's really hard to do. Works for us for now, I'm sure it won't work forever lol
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I don't make a big deal out of it. I just tell DS "don't lie to me, I know the truth anyway!" And sometimes add that "moms have eyes in the back of their heads"
I'm sure he's sort of worked out that's not possible, but he's not too sure yet!
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Studies show that a) lying is totally normal for kids and actually increases in frequency up to age 10 or so, and b) most kids lie because they're afraid of disappointing their parents or facing consequences. So the best thing, especially for little kids, is not to punish them for lying as much as it is to reinforce how happy you will be if they tell you the truth. If they do then fess up, be as gentle as possible with consequences for the underlying action and praise them for telling the truth.
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