Hellobee Boards

We have this issue as well with my ILs. It makes me crazy. We usually smile and say thank you and then donate it. We also drop hints that we are clearing out clutter and have so much stuff. They mean well and we don't want to hurt their feelings. I feel your pain.

My mom does this and OMG, so annoying. She made something for DD's nursery when she was a baby when I specifically told her that I wanted to pick out everything and to NOT make anything. So, I never put it up because it was ugly.

She's made or given other things to me and I'll put them away in closets. When they come to visit, they will *magically* appear, aka, she rummages through our stuff to find them! It's a passive aggressive suggestion to put it out. She won't say anything, but instead will find it, set it out as a hint that maybe I should use it or display it. (eye roll)

I just accept, thank, and then donate.

Ok, this is bad, but it totally depends on who is gifting.

For instance, my dad kept saying over and over how great Sherwin Williams paint was although I have been happy with Benjamin Moore. To appease him we went to SW. Later I bought a bunch of samples. Painted swatches all over my house just not to be thrilled. I went to BM on my own, got some new swatches and am painting the house in colors that speak to me. Had the well intentioned suggestions come from my mom I would have been like "Hell No, mind your business!" from the very beginning.

In general I only say no (thank you) once and if people are not listening I just don't use it. MIL gave LO a bunch (maybe 4-6) 3 month outfits, I put him in one for a doctor's appointment and didn't even try out the others. She never saw pics of him in any more of her clothes and never gifted clothes again.

Donate.

Ugh, since it's your MIL, I think ideally your husband would be the one to make it very clear to her that you appreciate the thought but absolutely don't have room or a need for said stuff. My MIL can be somewhat overbearing (though not in this regard) and at first I was shocked at how seemingly rude my husband would be in putting his foot down, but now I realize that it's really necessary.

Perhaps the greatest service my brother has ever done for us was to convince my mother not to rent a u-haul to bring a ton of old, probably disintegrating stuff when she drove up for our wedding (she lives 2000 miles away, so fortunately not many opportunities to push stuff on us). We have a one bedroom apartment in the city with very limited storage. I know she doesn't want to throw stuff away and loves the thought of getting even more use out of however much she originally spent on the stuff, but no, no, no...

I've learned to always say no to my MIL. Always. Even if it might be something I'm interested in, it's not worth trying to decline 7 rugs just to get one. That's for crap she's trying to offload on me. As for actual gifts, like Christmas gifts, I'll politely accept of course and most things I'm willing to try out (like decor). But if I live with it for a while and it's not working out, I will donate without guilt.

I passive aggressively threw away a bunch of crap from MIL because it was therapeutic. I told my sister about it and felt like I should dig it out and done it but she said to let it be.

Usually I donate or return.

I would be pissed if someone gave us 7 rugs that we didn't need. That is just ridiculous. I have no issue taking hand me downs or gifts to Goodwill if not my style. But if it was all the time I would have to put my foot down. I don't have the time to be making all those trips to Goodwill.

@irunforfun I wrote the blog post about just dealing with some unwanted gifts for the sake of the relationship. But I have to say, your situation seems really extreme! I don't know that it would be feasible to graciously accept that much stuff! It really seems almost like your mil is trying to give the stuff for some emotional reason, like to have some power over you guys or something. Especially with making a road trip just to bring you stuff you don't even want. I don't know what I would do in your situation. Probably I would ask DH to tell her nicely we appreciate everything so much but really don't have room for it. Then if she insisted on giving it anyway, I would again say we don't need it, but would be happy to sell or donate it for her if she needs help cleaning things out. But then again, I am not in your shoes, so it is easy for me to say that. Good luck!

@IRunForFun: from day care parties... I've got 20 of these alone!

@IRunForFun: oh man your comment about returning things that were just donated reminded me of this moment from my teenage years! I was telling my father I needed to go to donate some stuff because it was just my birthday and my mother bought me a bunch of crap (like she'd literally give me a birthday gift of a garbage bag with ribbon around it, full of used clothes and shoes). And he laughed and said he had a bunch of stuff that needed to be donated so we'd need to make a run "so mom can buy back more of our junk".

I totally sympathize and I've been the villain on more than one occasion because my father buys me tons of expensive stuff that he can't afford and I don't want.

I am estranged from two family members that still send me things with ill intent. Likely most people don't have ill intentions, but these two are true psychopaths (personality disorders, they also have mental illness). Anyhow, it will be a shampoo, half used bottle, that ruins your hair, or a shirt they purchased for themselves while manic and realized (after wearing) it is the most awful pattern and universally unflattering. It is actually a cruel act on their part- they live off inheritance and are relaying the message- "oh, you poor person, you deserve this awful thing." The boxes of awful keep coming and it is horrible. Once again a strange tale, likely most people don't have ill intentions but unfortunately some people do. Either way, you deserve to love and choose what is in your life. That gets complicated if feelings are involved, but as for my situation I've had to consider my own.

@youboots: sometimes that's the best thing to do! I had to do that with some horrible outfits they sent!

@IRunForFun: in this case where she is relentless about it I would have DH emphasiz that anything she gives us will end up being given away because we arent a junk yard and cant accept all her junk.
My mom is like this and i refuse to accept certain things. I just say no and i make her take it back with her. its the only way to get it to sink in

We've gotten a bunch of stuff like the above from MIL in the past. This weekend she gave DS a decoy duck that her father had had many years ago for hunting. They found it when cleaning out their garage. The reason it hadn't been sold is that the bottom had a crack in it so it didn't float anymore. FIL stuck duct tape all over the bottom and they gave it to DS for his bath because he loves rubber ducks. He was in his bath already when she plunked it in, but it later sank and gross silt and mud started oozing out where the tape was coming off. What in the world were they thinking, I put my son in the bath to get clean, not get covered in decades old slime!!! Needless to say I left it at their house, still in the bathtub. Wasn't touching that again!!!