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I think sons with special needs is an appropriate way of putting it - person first language and all that. I got some questions at the doctor's office yesterday because L is clearly very new to walking and still a bit uneasy, and someone asked how old he was and was obviously surprised by my answer and trying to decide how to ask. I just came right out and added onto my answer, "He has low muscle tone." Although I kind of wish that was called something different too because people always say crap like, "Oh, well I'm sure his muscles will get stronger/more toned!" Which is totally not how it works and I don't feel like getting into a big medical history. I either smile and bite my tongue or say, "Well, that's not really how it works, it's how his body is built and won't change, but he seeing a physical therapy for it."

Usually I don't feel like getting that in depth though. Depends on my mood and who I'm talking to. But I don't run into it as often as you probably do.

@Ms.Badger: Good advice, medical terms usually get people to stop asking questions! And I'm so sorry people ask you questions like that about Lucas' death, figuring out how to best explain it is not something you should have to deal with.

Hugs. I get so frustrated when people ask about LO. I never know how much to explain. Sometimes I totally blow them off

DH usually tells work people that LO has had some challenges when they ask about why he has missed work (we've had to travel for a lot of his appointments).

I don't think there is an easy way to address it, especially when people compare your children. It's like when people can tell that a child is adopted and they talk about adopted vs "real" child instead of taking the time to say biological child.

I agree with @wonderstruck: son with special needs sounds best to me, yet it still doesn't feel quite right.

No advice, just commiserating My LO has low tone and isn't walking at 17 months. He also has oral motor issues and some unidentified feeding issues so he still uses bottles and eats almost no solids. Since there isn't one specific thing or term I can point to, it's hard to explain to people. I usually just try to avoid it as much as possible. We talked to the pediatrician on call a couple nights ago (long story) and she suggested we give him crackers to settle his stomach. I didn't feel like getting into how impossible that is, so I just said thanks and hung up.
I also don't like when people say things like, "he'll be walking before you know it!" or "I'm sure he will eat when he's ready." First, it's not true, but it also feels like it discounts all the hard work that he (and i) do to work on his issues.