Hello ladies. My dad recently passed away on the 5th and it's been extremely difficult for me. My DH and I have been ttc for awhile now and with my dad passing my doctor prescribed me Xanxa for anxiety attacks I've been having. I'm not sure what to do. I'm struggling with missing my dad. I've never felt pain like this, but we've been trying for a baby since my two mc last year. I have the pills, but haven't taken them. Does anyone take anxiety meds and still ttc?
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First, I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Secondly, about the meds: I have not taken Xanax, but I actually took Zoloft for my entire pregnancy for anxiety. Does your doctor know you are TTC? I think that, given the circumstances, I would be inclined to take the Xanax. If you're uncomfortable, I think I would consider pushing back TTC in favor of taking the meds. But I don't even really think that is necessary. If you need them, I am in the camp that you should take them.
Hugs, hugs, hugs
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I take Lexapro and am nearing the end of pregnancy with DS2. (Took either that or celexa through the years of ttc and pregnancies) I saw a perinatal psychologist who was not worried at all about this.
I'm so sorry for your loss by the way. I lost my dad in 2006, and yes, it's one of the most painful things one can go through. I know it's annoying to hear, but maybe go on the prescription and give yourself a month or two (or three!) to deal with your tremendous loss.
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@ChasingARainbow: no advice, just very sorry for the loss of your dad
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.
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@LovelyPlum: thank you. My primary doctor doesn't know of my ttc. I didn't think to tell her at the time. I think I'll give her a call. I want to do what's best for myself before I bring another baby into this world it just sucks cause it feels like I have to choose right now.
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@knittylady: thank you so much. I never heard of a perinatal psychologist. I'm going to have to ask my doctor about that. It hasn't been long since my dad's passing and I miss him so much that it physically hurts. I don't know how I'll get by without him. I've always been a daddy's girl and I took care of him everyday he was battling cancer ( I HATE CANCER!). Now I'm not sure how to more forward. Does it ever get easy?
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@ChasingARainbow: I am so incredibly sorry for all of your losses. I went off of Zoloft in preparation to TTC and my OB said that I could get back on once I hit 12 weeks since the first trimester is so important. I would suggest taking some time to yourself and putting TTC on the back burner. I know it's hard but your heart needs time to heal after everything you have been through. After two loses back to back, I am also in a hiatus. Sometimes, we just need time. Again, so sorry.
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@cmomma17: thank you.
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@swedishfish: I appreciate your kind words.
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@simplyfelicity: thank you. I really need to pray about this. My DH thinks if we get pregnant that it will give everyone something to be happy about. I just want to do what's right.
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@ChasingARainbow: I'm sorry for your loss and the difficult time you're going through. You'll be in my prayers
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@ChasingARainbow: I completely understand. Instead of adding more on your plate, I would suggest giving yourself time. That's an awful lot of pressure to put on yourself and your family's happiness is a lot to shoulder. Lean on God and really rest in the fact that He will take care of you. I am working on this myself. I will be praying for you.
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@Mrs. Coral: I could really use some prayers so thank you so much.
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@simplyfelicity: that's beautiful. I'm going to save these pictures as a reminder. You know my daddy was a pastor. I can here him telling me to let go and let God. He always made it sound so easy. I really, really try but sometimes I feel so weak.
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I hate giving medical advice online, but I think that while you're TTC it would be OK. The placenta doesn't even attach for a few days so if you were to get pregnant and take a few xanax I can't imagine there would be too much exposure to the fetus. I would run it by your doctor for a final answer. I'm also extremely sorry to hear about your father.
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Oh honey I am so sorry!!!!
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@ChasingARainbow: You are "preaching to the choir." This is something I have struggled with my whole life. Letting go of control. I am in such a broken place right now that it is difficult for me to pray. I just ask Jesus to "carry me." I have no other words and I know He doesn't need more than that. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry. Your father was, obviously, a special man.
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Im so sorry for your loss. Couldn't imagine.. praying for peace and comfort for you. Hoping you get your little miracle soon.
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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Big hugs to you, I lost my dad to cancer almost two years ago and it is such am extremely difficult things to go through. If you ever need to chat feel free to wall me.
Everyone's journey with grief is so different but I was desperate for numbers- when would I stop hysterically crying multiple times a day and when could I talk about him without losing it etc. At the 6-8 week mark it lightened a little and around three months I could feel the clouds changing from dark stormy gray to overcast. It is easier now but still hard.
We thought about TTC during the time my dad was terminally ill and ultimately waited for a few reasons, we are now expecting a little one just a few days before his birthday and a few weeks before the anniversary of him passing away. I 110% understand wanting to try while you're grieving but I also know we made the right choice to wait. I got really sick when I got pregnant and I think the physical and mental anguish from the grief and the misery of the first trimester would have pushed me over the edge. Definitely take great care of yourself or let your dh take care of you when you just can't. Talk to your doctor about the medication and if they say it's OK use that tool to help you through this time.
Best wishes and lots of positive thoughts are being sent your way!
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@OpinionsLikeKittens: thanks. I'm going to call my doctor first thing Monday morning. I just always feel like I'm about to explode. I think I'm going to have to have a talk with my DH and take a ttc vacation. It doesn't seem fair to my unborn baby to be a wreck.
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@MrsMccarthy: all of you ladies are so kind. Thank you.
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@simplyfelicity: oh my was he special. I feel extremely blessed to have a dad like him. He was a prison minister. Yeah, I know! He couldn't turn his back on anyone. He would say God could save anyone who wanted saving. At his funeral I found out one of the prisoners he talked to came out and became pastor of his own church.
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@Mrs.Pinecone316: many thanks.
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@Cole: thank you. I know it will always be difficult and I hate that. When my dad was getting really sick and a friend who lost her father said at the moment of his passing it would be hard, but that it would get harder in the days and weeks after and oh was she right. I've never lost someone so close to me I don't know how to feel. It's like a roller coaster that won't stop. I think he'll walk through the door and then it hits me that I won't see him again until I meet him in heaven. I nearly had a nervous breakdown at the grocery store today because I seen a desert that he liked. I can't wait until I can wake up and feel okay with it all. I'm only 30 and for some reason I feel like I'm on the clock to have a baby.
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Sending prayers. I agree with your plan to call your doctor. They might be able to prescribe a safer med since you are TTC. Big hugs!
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@ChasingARainbow: I so wish I could take that hurry away for you but I can't and I also know it's part of the process. I hadn't thought about it but your friend's words reflect my experience too, it was actually peaceful and a bit of a relief when he actually passed but the days and weeks afterwards we're unlike anything I can explain. I swear all of a sudden I wanted to call him or text him or visit him 100 times a day even though I wouldn't have before. Things like dessert he would have liked, jokes he would have enjoyed, silly gadgets in sky mall, all of it made me cry for months. I was 30 when he passed away too and I completely get the biological clock thing, my rational brain could tell me I had time but there isn't much rational about a grieving and hormonal brain!
It has helped me to start filling a box with things that remind me of him, the cards people sent, a letter he wrote, some photos etc. I was slightly worried it would be upsetting to me to have it out but I find it comforting like a family photo or something and it helps me to add things to it as I find them as opposed to them just floating around my house.
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No advice just hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss!
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@ChasingARainbow: hey there, I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad after a three week battle with cancer a year and a half ago while I was six months pregnant and honestly thought I would die from the pain.
I second what pp have said about taking care of yourself. It is so important at a time like this. And yes, it does get easier. Not easy, but easier. I still have lots of days where it feels like the loss punches me in the gut, but I also have days where I'm able to just happily remember the good times with him. Please feel free to wall me if you ever need to talk. And again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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@ChasingARainbow: I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer a few years ago, and it hurt more than anything else in the world (including my m/c). I went through so many of the emotions you are describing. But I just wanted to say that it does get better. It may take a really long time, but it will. Please take care of yourself and don't be afraid to grieve and to continue to get help from others.
I would definitely call your doctor if you are going to continue to ttc, although you may want to take a break for yourself. But I can also understand how loss makes us want to bring new life into the world (after my mom died, I wanted to immediately ttc, even though we weren't really ready yet). Btw, 30 is young these days! I had my LO at 32.
Right now, 4 years later, I still miss my mom with all my heart, but when I think of her, the many happy memories definitely outweigh the pain that I have that she's gone. I wish the same for you.
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@ChasingARainbow: That's absolutely amazing.
As far as feeling the "clock ticking," a few months in the grand scheme of things won't change your family plans. I has a D & C on Monday and I turn 30 in October and I feel pressure on myself but I know, like everything, God has a plan. He has it figured out already. I was really freaked out and did a poll of Bees who had their first babies post 30 and was so relieved! Here is the link if you would like to check it out.
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/anyone-have-their-first-lo-past-30 -
@AmeliaBedilia: thank you. I'm going to do that before I take anything.
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@Cole: I was going to start a scrap book and a t shirt quilt cause he had a bunch of t shirts. I always found crafts therapeutic and I'm hoping it will help thinking of all the great times. All of you ladies have really helped me out. I don't really talk to my mom or sister about how devastated I really am because I was always considered the strong one. It's a lot of pressure.
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@birdofafeather: thank you
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@NurseMommy: thank you nurse mommy. I pray every night that God give me my dad's strength to get through the next day. I guess the saying rings true " what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
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@catlady: thank you. I spoke to my husband he wants me to do what I feel comfortable with. I desperately want another baby, but I also don't want to harm a baby. After two mc I know I'll always paranoid throughout the pregnancy. I'll just pray about it and see what the doctor says. I too am sorry for the loss of your mother. Praying God gives us peace and comfort.
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@simplyfelicity: I agree with you. Sorry about your loss. I Know I have to just let the Lord do what He needs to do. My dad used to say "GAP", God always provides. Talking to you all really has given me some clarity. I ask that the Lord blesses you all for being so kind to a stranger. Love you all!
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@ChasingARainbow: Of course, that's what this place is all about! Just out of curiosity, are you TTC for your first baby?
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I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I went through a very similar experience a couple months before conceiving our first boy. I do not know anything about the medication but just want to say I am thinking of you during this very difficult time.
It probably doesn't help much, but after my m/c and passing of my stepdad, I got pregnant most likely in his birthday which was n entire week early for my cycle. I truly believe it was a gift from him and happened when it was meant to. Sending you many hugs
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