Do you feel you "owe your parent(s)"? Why/ why not? What does owing your parent(s) mean to you? How do you "pay" them back?
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I feel like I owe them a) respect and b) to live my life in a way that represents them well, because they sacrificed a lot for me and they (I think, lol) did a good job as parents despite lots of challenges. I don't think I can pay them back necessarily, but I know they want to see some things carried forward to my kids. For example they would be disappointed if I didn't try to involve my kids in music or sports of some sort, or if I didn't push for them to do well in school, or did something not in their best interest.
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No, I don't feel like I "owe" my parents.
I had to really think about this one because I do feel like my parents have really done a lot for me and sacrificed for me and STILL do a lot for me. When you think of it solely in terms of "A does X for B, therefore B owes X to A," then, yes, one might think I do owe my parents sometimes. But then I thought about my own kids. I don't want them to feel like they "owe" me something. They don't owe me anything. Everything that I do for them is because I love them and I am their parent and many of the things I do for them are just the basics of what being a parent means. Maybe I'll do more for them than other parents can do for their children, but that will be because I have the means and opportunity to do that. They won't "owe" me for it and I would never want them to feel obligated to "pay me back" in any way! The only "payment" I would accept would them loving and doing as much for their own children as they can!
So no, I don't "owe" my parents and my children won't "owe" me.
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No, I don't feel like I owe my mom because I don't think that's how love works.
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I spent my whole life having my parents (especially my mom) make me feel like I owed them something, when in reality it's not like I chose to be born. That's not to say I don't appreciate everything they sacrificed for me, but I no longer feel I owe them anything, especially not at the expense of my own happiness and choices to live my life the way I choose. I don't believe my children owe me anything and I hope I never make them feel like they do.
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I don't "owe" my parents... but I CHOOSE to show them love/affection/gratitude because I feel lucky to have wonderful parents who have shown me so much love and support throughout the years and who continue to make sacrafices on my behalf.
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Yes. My parents have given me everything. And now they give me support and love. And they love my babies. They raised me and made my life what it was, I'd be nothing without them. They would do anything and everything for me if I asked. I feel like whatever I do for them will never be enough. And this isn't something they make me feel or whatever. They are just incredible people who deserve way more than I could ever give them.
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I owe my parents respect and I expect it from my son. There's nothing tangible or concrete that I feel I owe them, though, like I never felt that I had to reimburse them or anything.
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I don't think I owe them anything but I totally recognize and appreciate all that they've done/sacrificed for me!
And I actually do owe them b/c they lent us money for our house haha!
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@Truth Bombs: maybe that's more what I meant to say.
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@Truth Bombs: you said this perfectly
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@Adira: this is exactly what I was going to say!
I just have my dad left, but I try to do nice things for him when I can. For example, I recently used my miles for him to come visit us (transatlantic trip for him). I don't feel like I "owe" him something, but I like to show appreciation to acknowledge everything he has done for me!
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Nope.
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@catomd00: this is kind of how I feel about my parents since i started working. What they think I owe them is more than respect, kind words, and graditude. They expect financial support in some sort of form for all their years raising me. That isn't right IMO.
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@catomd00: this. I feel like I can never do enough for my parents. I am often coming up short. They expect a lot.
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No but I feel like my mom thinks we do owe her. I feel like I am stuck paying a debt I didn't know I was getting into and will never get out of and it's toxic.
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I don't owe them anything, but I want to give them everything. My parents did a fantastic job raising me and giving me a great childhood. I want to make them proud and hope that I show them this in my actions. I want to do what they did for me, for my children.
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@Cole: well that was concise and also alot how I feel. My mom expects so much and part of that is being her bff. Without my brother pitching in the burden falls on me.
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Yes, time. I'm not sure if they care about it as much with us at this point as with the grandkids but I do feel I owe them time and a relationship with their grandkids.
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I owe them respect and love for they have given me the same. I feel like now being a parent that I don't "owe" them anything more, as I don't expect anything more than that from my girls.
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I'm in the same group where my mother (& father) feels like we owe them. It's hard because they do make us feel guilty. We (my parents vs my siblings) don't really have the most normal relationship. We all love my parents but it's been strained due to our culture and how we were raised.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I am sorry to hear you feel that way too. It's really hard and sad. I struggle a lot with wanting to raise my own children differently and being afraid I will repeat my mom's mistakes.
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i feel like my mom thinks i owe her, but she doesn't reciprocate. Like, if i just send a card and not a gift for her birthday she is offended, but she doesn't do anything for my birthday other than be on speakerphone when my dad calls. Or she'll want me to drive 7 hours to visit them over christmas but gets offended if i want them to drive in for something.
As for my kids, i don't want them to feel like they owe me. What i give them (time, money, love) is what i signed up for as a parent.
Everyone says becoming a parent makes you feel closer to your mom or understand them more.. for me, it just makes me question why she does the things she does because I cant imagine doing them to my daughter.
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Nope. My mom suffered from mental illness and I had to cut her out of my life for several years. She passed away not long after we started talking again.
My dads a different story but I definitely don't feel like I owe him. I try to connect with him and do nice things for him, but he makes it really difficult.
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I don't feel like I "owe" my parents anything, and I don't think they feel that way either. I do feel a responsibility to call regularly because I know they love that, and to give them affection and love, etc., but I also want to do that. So it doesn't feel like an obligation or anything.
Side note: this is actually reminding me of that former football player who recently said that after he got drafted, his mom told him he owed her $1 million for raising for 18 years. Whaaa?? And $1 million?! She obviously has a high opinion of her parenting skills...haha
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Lol, if I "owe" my parents for giving me life and an education, they "owe" me for a lot of pain and suffering later that they did nothing to stop. So I try not to think about it in these terms, it's not healthy for this particular family. I just try to remember that I have to look out for them if they need it, and will be more responsible for them when they get older.
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@yellowbird: I'm sorry your mom passed away.
@Cole: I hope I don't pass this on to my kids either. Sometimes I don't think she even realizes the pressure.
@LaughLines: my mom does that too! Sometimes (most of the time) things are so one sided.
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