Hellobee Boards

I think you have to kind of wait and see how it plays out...and I think you have to be prepared to explain that different families believe different things and that we don't spoil it/talk down about what others believe.

Honestly, I think it will depend on Fia. Some kids like to blab and can't keep their mouth shut. Others will get it and know not to tell.

I think as parents that DO Santa Claus, we need to be aware that this *will* come up, and to figure out how to address it with our kids. Obviously some awareness on both sides of being sensitive to each side's position is always good

My mum said they never specifically told us that he was real or fake and let us make our own minds about it. Basically we just really wanted to believe! I realised at about 6 but it took my brother till 11. My parents actually decided it was time to bring it up as he was going to big school haha. Even when i didn't believe I still kept it up with the other kids at school, even saying I had heard his sleigh etc, guess I didn't want to be left out.

I don't know...it's hard for me to wrap my head around because I live and work in such diverse areas where we have neighbors/students from every religion--you can't really expect hindu and muslim and jewish and atheist kids to keep up a charade of a character that they don't even really learn about at home. I just mean, it's a lot to ask of a 3-6 year old....I don't know how a parent can really control what their LO says at day care or school. And it almost seems absurd to me to ask people of other religions to worry about this.

And I guess on the flip side, it kind of annoys me a little because *some* (not all. I wouldn't want to generalize) people who are vehemently pro-santa don't seem to be super concerned with encouraging their children to keep up with other's cultural celebrations, you know? Like how many average wasp american kids can remember when Rosh Hashanah is, or Eid, or Chinese new year and wish their classmates the appropriate greetings or bring the appropriate gifts (like a red envelope of $) on thsoe days? I'm going to guess the percentage is very low.

I used to work in Texas where my students were largely from mexico and central america--Where they celebrate Tres Reyes day, when the 3 kings bring you gifts in January instead of Santa.

So we had an interesting mix of Santa kids, non-santa kids, 3 kings kids---and there was lots of "No, 3 kings don't bring presents" or "No, Santa doesn't really bring presents" and I'm not sure how a parent or teacher really controls that without stepping on toes.

@lawbee11: I'm totally going to go on a hunt for other xmas stories now! My wallet dislikes you!!!!!

Jewish people (and other religions, I default to jewish because that's what I am) have been not "doing Santa" for quite some time and somehow they've managed not to ruin it. I don't know why everyone thinks this is a new concept. You tell your child some people believe in Santa and celebrate Christmas with him and others dont. and it's really not the end of the world if your kid spills the beans. It's not our responsibility to uphold the "lies" others tell.

It's worth noting that before 5 or 6 they have a hard time comprehending the idea of fiction vs non fiction in general- Mickey mouse is as real to them as a grandparent who lives far away. I think if you are comfortable with it, the easiest course of action would be to address Santa the same way you would address Mickey mouse, he is a character who doesn't really exist but it's fun to pretend. When your lo is old enough to wonder where their gifts from Santa are you can just explain that it's pretend but that some people get sad when they learn it's pretend so we help keep the secret.

I also read a blog post where a child asked their parents if they could pretend Santa was real and even after the parents explained it would mean the same number of gifts but just different gift tags the kid was still on board and just wanted that fun imaginary experience.

@catomd00: I'd be careful with your language here. While Santa may be a "lie" there are a lot of unproven religious and other characters and stories that people choose to teach their children about and labeling them as "lies" is fairly insensitive.
I do think the best approach here really is trying to teach kids about the variety of beliefs and cultures in the world, and then educating them on what you as their parents believe.
It also won't be the end if the world when they find out about Santa. We all do at some point!

@Madison43: that's good to hear!

We are doing Santa, but we live in a very diverse area so we are preparing ourselves for if/when another kid tells B Santa isn't real. I will probably use the same approach my mother used with me.

She said the first time a kid told me there was no Santa I was really young, maybe 3 or 4. When I questioned my mom about it she said that Santa lives in our hearts, and as long as we believe in our hearts he will always be real. I really like that approach.

On the other hand, she said some boys on the bus told my little brother Santa wasn't real when he was in pre-k...and I beat them up. Haha.

All this to say that there is no way to fully shield your kids. I think it's our responsibility to have a plan in place when the time comes.

@catomd00: Santa isn't a lie, he's a historical figure in my house. I do get what you're trying to say though.

My parents didn't do Santa with us. We pretended like he was coming to or house & whatever but all our presents were from my parents & we knew that and we're grateful. I really only remember one time in Kindergarten that I told another kid he wasn't real. We aren't sure what we are doing with LO. She's 15 months this year so I talk about him some but only if it comes up in a book or we see him or something. I personally would like to follow her ques. If she seems super into him or doesn't seem to have the understanding or maturity level to keep it a secret we will kind of go along, but if she doesn't show interest one way or the other and she seems like she can handle it, we'll tell her he isn't real. This is all speculation. I have no idea how it will work once we get there.

@catomd00: bah humbug!

@anonysquire: yes of course, the world where no one Is allowed to have a differing belief or opinion without being labeled a Scrooge. Helpful insight for the OP though.

@fairy: good point, Santa is made more real by all the things adults do to prove he's real. With say Mickey Mouse it's a wave, hug, and a picture. That's it.

@catomd00: right, so I call that "fantasy." Falls into place with all things Disney, Star Wars, etc.

Full disclosure: my son decided he wanted to write a letter to Santa. I let him. He'll get those things on Christmas morning. He's also 4, so he was stunned silly this year when Mickey Mouse talked to him at Disney World.

@looch: you know, that's a good point. When I was an elementary school librarian, I had come from working 6 years in a middle school and wasn't really used to the super young ones.

So I was SHOCKED when we had "Clifford" at our book fair (Scholastic will rent you the costume for free--I couldn't even get a teacher to wear it, so I just had a 5th grade student put it on and he was not at all adult size)--but all of the kinder kids thought he was REAL. And screamed and ran up and hugged Clifford and were SO EXCITED.

And I was shocked because we did the costume for fun, but I assumed every kid would realize it's another kid dressed in the costume.

the 2nd graders knew immediately though. They were like, "why is Clifford's voice so high? Who's in there?"

So somewhere between K and 2nd, the kiddos get wise to that sort of thing.

@Mamasig: @Smurfette: I don't think I have a lot of friends in real life who "worry" about Santa, but you guys really don't have any friends or coworkers who aren't Christian or American?

I mean, aside from my own Hindu husband and his whole family, at least half the people in my social circle are either Jewish, atheist, or some other religion.