Hellobee Boards

@Jess1483: this is all pretty much what I was going to say!

I remember a kid telling me Santa wasn't real. I just didn't believe her. To each their own.

@catomd00: yikes. That's pretty intolerant in this day and age, where our country is made up of all religions/cultures.

It may not help, but when this type of stuff gets under my skin, I remind myself that people are usually much more outspoken online. I mean, everyone I know knows that my husband is hindu and therefore, can probably infer that we don't do a lot of things like Santa---and I've never had anyone say rude stuff like, "your kid better not ruin it for my kid" to my face. So I *hope* that most people just say that type of stuff online, rather than irl, you know?

@catomd00: But I guess if you are feeling confrontational, you can say something like, "I feel the same. My kids celebrate (whatever...fill in the blank. In my case, I might say Maha Shivarati, where Shiva saved the whole world by swallowing poison meant for the world in his throat, and when generally it is believed that anyone who utters the name of Shiva during Shivratri with pure devotion is freed from all sins and liberated from the cycle of birth and death) and I tell ALL my friends that if their kid ever tells my kid that it's not true and ruins it for my kid, they are gonna get it, am I right? SO glad you guys are willing to support my kid in beliefs just like we support you in yours." Just to see what they say, haha.

My plan is that I will teach my child about the Santa character, as if he was any other character like Cinderella or Peter Pan. That way it's not a "real" "not real" thing, it's a story. I also plan on telling the story of the real Saint Nicolas, the origin of Santa. I feel by saying Santa is not real, you're inviting your kid to feel like she should inform people about that. I think this way at least avoids my child telling other kids in a mean, spiteful way.

In the end though, I don't think there is much I can do to prevent my child from saying something truthful 100% of the time. Nor do I think my kid should be scolded for it.

As a Christian, I totally expect my child to come home one day telling me that someone told her God doesn't exist. It's guaranteed to happen at some point. Frankly if some other kid says that they *do* deserve to be scolded because it shows a compete lack of respect for someone else's beliefs (Santa Claus is not an actual belief. Everyone old enough knows he is a fairy tale. Santa is a game we play. I think comparing the story of Santa to religious beliefs is downright insulting and is also a poor lesson for a child). Still I wouldn't go after this kid or his parents, I'd just do damage control at home. I'd sit my child down and talk to her about this.

Go ahead and tell your child that the kid at school who says Santa isn't real is just lying because she's a bad girl who is on his naughty list. I think that's a pretty low thing to say about a little child who has done nothing wrong, but if you're OK with that go ahead. Do what you need to do to keep Santa alive for a couple more years.

@blackbird: word

I have definitely heard from a couple parents that it is actually difficult to convince some young kids that Santa isn't real. One blogger I follow said her son has been coming home with "evidence" he learned from his friends in an attempt to argue with her when she tells him Santa is fictional. I think we, as parents, have a lot less control over this stuff than we think we do.

Kind of steering away from the original question but I want to throw out I believed in Santa earnestly probably until 1st grade and then skeptical believed until 3rd grade. Up until the time I was 4 the little girl across the street was Jewish (and didn't participate in Christmas). We talked about it openly and I still believed and was happy to have my holiday and understood that he didn't go to her house. I mean whatever, I was 4, so I didn't over analyze it.

In first grade I became skeptical b/c an older neighborhood kid told me he was out right fake (his family didn't participate b/c of their version of Christianity). I think it is harder to keep it up when a kid is like 6 or so, but he was raised to preach about it, and I don't think that is quite fair.

I think in general your kids will follow your guide -- the fact that you're asking this question seems to point in the direction that you're conscious of other people's choice to celebrate it and I think that attitude will be reflected in your child's actions.

And for the record my mom finally spilled the beans the July before third grade because I was watching a Christmas in July special and asked again.

The majority of kids I grew up with believed in santa . I look forward to carrying on the Santa tradition with my future kids, it was a magical thing for me that I naturally grew out of without any damage. I guess I just don't understand when people think its traumatizing to find out he isn't real. Anyone I know who grew up believing still love the idea of Santa and don't have any hard feelings toward their "lying" parents. It is all in fun. I still label presents from Santa for my husband. Just a fun tradition for us.

But I agree that you can't keep other kids from not saying what they think or know about Santa so as the parent you just have to see the best way to handle it.

@sarac: exactly.

Honestly, I feel like it's more likely that a kid who did believe in Santa and discovered he's not real is more likely to spill the beans to others, then a kid who never had santa in their life to begin with...

@blackbird: heck yes!

we still haven't nailed down the degree with which we will keep santa alive in our home, but DH and I both love the tradition and magic and also won't make Santa the most important thing. i don't know what my mom told me when i found out she was Santa, but i was also a blabbermouth and ruined it for my friend. i realize this is a problem and won't take it personally either way! i hope that the mom of the girl i told could laugh about it later!