DH and I are tightening our budget more so that there is not an eating out budget. He will be in school full time, we'll have 2 kids full time in daycare, our home is costing a ton in repairs, etc.
Meanwhile - coworkers want me to go out with them for pedicures, dinner, etc and I want to but it's not in the budget.
Would you simply decline and say you can't go or would you provide more information to them so that they realize this isn't an option for you for awhile? I have been thinking about going to one of them and letting her know what is going on for me outside of work but then I wonder if it is better to be more open about it or less open.
I don't talk about all these expenses openly with coworkers but I think most are aware we are on 1 income.
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I'm not terribly close with my co-workers here, but if something like that comes up and I'm having to say no more than once, I'd just casually mention it. But it's b/c even though we're not super close we talk about everything. I've definitely lamented about having 2 in daycare! But I won't go into super specifics.
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Next time co-workers ask I would just say something like "Thanks for the invite, but with DH in school full time we are trying to cut back on the budget for a while". They don't need a ton of specifics, but it saves you from having to constantly decline, and them thinking it's just because you don't want to be social with them.
With true friends, I talk about everything, so this is something I would definitely tell my friends.
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I would tell them so they know you're not just blowing them off/don't want to hang out with them.
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Casual mention! But not a ton of details or "woe is me, we are in dire financial straits". Like, "ugh, a ton of stuff has broken in our house and we're being slammed with repair bills right now, we're really trying to pinch pennies for that stuff! So I have to skip lunch out for a while, bummer!" I think that's fine and should be enough info for people to leave you alone without being TMI.
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Girl, be proud and own it! I'm very open, but like breezy about being on a budget. It's nothing to be ashamed of - in fact I'm proud of it - and when people ask I'm like "sorry, I'm brown bagging it for a while, gotta pay those daycare bills!" "Oh man, it's going to great to get pedicures again some day, we're just trying to be super focused while DH is in school, yanno? Have fun!"
BUT I've taken 2 largely unpaid yearlong maternity leaves, 1 medical leave for a major surgery, paid off $200,000 worth of law school loans (and counting!), drove a 15 year old beater to work in an office full of attorneys with Lexuses (until we bought a used minivan), paid DH's MBA with cash, and bought a house over the last 5 years. And my coworkers know that too. So ain't nobody feeling bad for me and they shouldn't.
Get your grind on girl, you guys are doing awesome!
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I feel if you're open, people might come up with alternatives of things to do. I know it's really easy to fall into a routine and just do the same things over and over, but maybe you could make a counteroffer?
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I would definitely say something. Also you could suggest things to do with your friends that are cheap/free so you can still spend time with them without spending a lot of money.
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Be honest, but I agree with PPs, in a casual way. I am not ashamed/afraid to tell people I like to save money and do things on a budget. I would just say you are on a temporary spending freeze for a couple of months--then instead of going out to lunches or pedicures, maybe someone can host a cheap at home manicure party or you guys can do special potluck lunches.
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I'd bring it up, I don't see a reason not to.
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I'm always open but I also suggest alternatives. People seem to appreciate it.
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It would depend on how close I was to the people, and whether or not I really wanted to hang out with them.
It came up a while ago with two girls from my old job and we were all pretty much in similar situations. We started rotating monthly and going going to each other's houses for drinks because it's SO much cheaper than going out.
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@gingerbebe: You're my hero.
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I agree with what others said - I would mention that we were tightening the budget for a bit ...so they don't think you are blowing them off....and being on a budget is nothing to be ashamed of!
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I'm pretty open about it but just missed something in part because I didn't want to overspend and haven't really given an explanation. It was for an old coworker's birthday..thinking I will send a card or something late. But if I'm physically with someone yeah I am pretty open.
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Yeah I've done like @gingerbebe and talked about it with friends when DH and I have taken steps to seriously dedicate ourselves to saving most of our money by cutting expenses. I feel like it's kind of similar to when you go on a diet; friends are a little bummed and also feel a little guilty for not cutting back themselves, but it's also an opportunity to have fun coming up with new ideas for things to do that don't cost much. Walking to fun places, window shopping, hikes around the park, etc. The first time DH and I did this as a month-long experiment and we called it "Austerity April;" I think the name helped with talking about it with friends.
Later on my best friend told me she and her boyfriend had decided to do an Austerity April of their own, so they must have liked the idea!
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I also do the open but breezy tactic, "oh I'd love to, but we have redirected our play budget into tuition for right now."
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I totally feel you. My friends (especially those with only 1 or no kids) often want to go to happy hour, pedis, coffee, etc. I just can't because it would add up to so much! I usually just decline because I have to pick up kids or am busy with them anyway BUT I usually offer also to host something at my house so they know I'm not blowing them off.
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Thanks All! I will find a way to bring it up casually.
@snowjewelz: it is similar for me at work. I don't do much with them outside of work but definitely feel we're friends and can be open.
@gingerbebe: thanks! I am so excited that DH is starting nursing school and agree these are good challenges to have. I will continue to brown bag with pride!
@MaryM: @Anagram: I would love to start something like that - getting together at our homes or maybe even stay late at the office and have a party at work. Thank you for the suggestion! -
I could have written this post, except the house part, we are going to be renters forever... But we've been paying tuition for 5 years out of pocket and are starting two at daycare this year on my income. I tend to joke with my coworkers that I'm on the oatmeal for lunch budget. But I do try not to turn them down every time, just most the time. If it is a big group going out to a casual place, I'll go and just get a water or lemonade. If it is a smaller group, I'll try to offer a free alternative or invite people over for dinner. Or an afternoon up the canyon, that's always a little different and well received.
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@autumnleaves: I think for me it also helps that most of us are in similar financial stages... Everyone either has kids or getting married/just got married/just bought a house, etc so we all get it
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