Hellobee Boards

Is MIL's sister still alive? If so, she should absolutely be there to support her sister.
I would 100% be hurt if my husband died and my sister's were not there for me.

Is MIL not able to drive herself? She could come in tonight and just be in the area for whenever the funeral will take place. I really can't imagine not being there for my sibling when their spouse dies.

If my husband died and my brother didn't come to the funeral, I would have a really hard time with that. So yes, I think she should make every effort to be there.

@josina: Same, and I am sure vice versa.

If MIL has family local that could fly with her I would go that route. Or she might just have to get meds if she is able to and do it this one time to support her sister...

If my uncle passed away, I would be at the funeral, and so would my parents. But, I have a very close family and that is what we do.

I think you MIL needs to be there and if she's not there, she will likely regret it. As soon as the funeral is announced, your DH and his siblings should chat and see who is able to rearrange their schedule to take their mom. But if the family decides today to have the funeral tomorrow (which seems abnormally fast), that would prohibit most people from traveling to the funeral.

In generally, I would totally expect sibling support in the event of a spouse dying.

However, the details of this situation make it sound like it would be more understandable if she missed the funeral.
-no reasonable person would expect people to fly there on one day’s notice.
-it sounds like this anxiety is a legit mental health issue that everyone’s aware of.

I think it really depends on the relationship. My mother has two sisters, and last summer my uncle (my mother's older sister's husband) passed away. My mother absolutely was not missing the funeral because she and that sister are very, very close, and she was able to make the travel work logistically and financially. My dad and I (with lo2, who was 3 months at the time) went too. My mom had also spent a lot of time with my aunt leading up to his death becuase my aunt had also had health issues. On the other hand, my OTHER aunt, my mom's younger sister (my mom is the middle sister) was not able to go--they weren't as close then because of years-long drama (looong story, but it's actually better now...), plus that sister lives much farther away and is less able financially to travel. But, she still sent food and flowers (we're Jewish so it's customary for friends and relatives to arrange and cover the cost of food during the shiva, or mourning period) and called to check in a bunch. I don't think anyone expected she would come because of the way their relationship was at that point, and everyone was really appreciative of the food/flowers she sent. If my mom hadn't gone, I think that would have been much more of a shock

ETA travel was involved for both my mom and aunt, but less distance/cost for my mom--my mom splits her time between MI and NY (I can't rmemeber where she was at the time, I think NY since I think my dad and I flew with her...), and the funeral was in OH. My other aunt is in TX.

Not sure if this is an option, but is it possible for her to take an overnight train? It’s not convenient but would it help the flying anxiety?

I didn’t answer the poll because I think the options are both too extreme. They certainly wouldn’t say “no big deal” but they also wouldn’t cause drama over it. Well, I guess one of them might.
But anyway, it sounds like there is a special circumstance with your MIL (a real fear of flying) so I would think that her family would understand that.
Not sure if this is an option, but could she get Valium or something for the flight from a doctor? I have a friend who suddenly became afraid of flying after a family members death (his death wasn’t related to flying but for some reason it triggered anxiety in her and one of the things she became terrified of was flying). For years she didn’t fly but recently she’s started taking Valium before flights so she can travel with her family. She only does it like once or twice a year but it helps immensely. She didn’t fly for YEARS prior to this.