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I think you need to get him a book on pregnancy for men. It will explain to him why you are so tired and for him to take it easy on you.

My DH has a few books that are directed towards guys and he has learned a lot.

My DH is currently reading this book.. http://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Advice-Dads---Be-ebook/dp/B00DKMU37A/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1429887329&sr=1-2&keywords=pregnancy+men

Could you maybe have him pick you up like 30 minutes after your day ends? So you could have some down time at work before getting in the car and talking with him?

I agree, he needs to buck up and helps some more. I totally had a pregnancy flip out on my husband.

I actually don't really think has anything to do with your pregnancy. Regardless of whether you are pregnant or not, a marriage is a partnership. While it may not be your husband's fault that he's unemployed, it is his fault that he is not stepping up to take on more responsibilty at home while you are the sole breadwinner. I would just flat out tell him that you will handle those things when and if you have time, and if your timeline isn't acceptable to him he is more than welcome to take on the tasks himself. It is not your job to manage to his expectations while he sits on his ass all day.

Not to excuse his behavior at all, but men really do not understand the exhaustion you experience during pregnancy. It *does* sound like he could and should step it up around the house, and it is disrespectful that he calls during the work days and asks you to take care of phone calls.

Incidentally, I work in a middle school (I'm a librarian, and also teach two classes)--and my husband also doesn't understand why I can't make a bunch of calls at work. I can do things online all day long (I mean, not during the two classes I teach). But if I'm just sitting at the circulation desk while watching 8 kids read at tables, I can be on HB for a minute, or research something online--but I *can't* make a personal phone call when all the kiddos can hear. My husband doesn't get it. He'll ask me to "find some contractors and call around and get some estimates". Um....no. Those are several phone calls, with lots of NON WORK information being spoken out loud. I can't do that at work! He doesn't get it.

@HourThyme: whoa. that's total overstepping for him to monitor what you eat. Not okay.

Oh that sounds hard!

So one thing - I don't think a lot of people realize how hard first trimester exhaustion can be. Everyone thinks of morning sickness, and no one really talks about how tired you are. I didn't even know it was a typical pregnsncy symptom! I remember with my first laying on the floor of my office in grad school to take a nap at 6pm! And laying in bed at 8pm with my second because I was too tired to do anything else. Is your DH reading any pregnancy books? It might help a bit for him to realize being so tired isn't just "waah pregnsncy is hard" and more a symptom you are having that should get better in a few weeks.

The other thing sounds more like a problem with division of responsibilities. I'm the SAH spouse in our relationship, and sometimes I get annoyed that I have to be the secretary for our house too. I hate talking to people on the phone, but I have to be the one calling to make appointments and talking to our insurance company and all that stuff. If I had to call someone DH knew and I didn't, I would doubly hate it! Granted, I'm home with two kids so talking on the phone with them climbing on top of me can be a bit of a challenge and I think "why can't he do this in his quiet office??" But I'm the one who can afford to be put on hold for twenty minutes too, so I do it.

Maybe your DH just feels sensitive about being unemployed? I was unemployed for part of my pregnancy and it was stressful. Maybe he bristles at being asked to do things because he feels like it is a rub on the fact he has more free time?

As far as free time to yourself - my DH is an introvert and needs that time too. But him getting it when he first walks in the door? HAHA! The kids are dying to see him and I need an extra hand to finish dinner. But after they go to bed, he takes some relaxing time in the room while I clean. It's a compromise - he would rather get some quiet when he gets home and I would rather him clean the kitchen, but it's what works for us.

I don't know if any of that helps. My guess is he might feel self conscious about being unemployed and takes you talking about being tired more about you having a job and not necessarily thinking about how first trimester fatigue is affecting you. Maybe it would help to be present for him a few extra minutes and then go crash and take a long hot bath? Good luck!!

That type of behavior by your husband definitely doesn't sound normal to me. He needs to get over himself and start pitching in more to help you out so you can rest. I haven't been hit with exhaustion during my pregnancy, but my husband has been great about picking up the slack when I'm feeling sick.

I will also add that my husband definitely didn't understand the pregnancy fatigue until he saw our LO after he was born. It hit him then that on top of working full time plus overtime plus doing household chores plus just living life in general, I also grew an entire human being.

I agree with @Truth Bombs:. It sounds like this is about more than your pregnancy. I think you need to have a serious discussion about expectations and hopefully get on the same page before your baby is born.

Why can't you talk to him about all this? It doesn't have to be about him not working. It can just be, hey, until about 12-14 weeks I'm exhausted and we need to schedule some time in your day for you to help out with x, y, and z. Bring him to your OB appointment and talk about the fatigue, your OB can passively confirm that it's a real "thing." Tell him you know those thirty minutes are going to be a non-option when the baby gets here, so you'd really appreciate them now. Maybe it's just my specific relationship (which is by no means perfect!) but if I ask DH for something helpful or something I feel I need, he generally just takes care of it, particularly when it's health related. I get why he would want you to call the people you know but aside from that (which isn't much but I get it) I don't think you're asking for much.

@Mrs. Pickle: @Truth Bombs: I completely agree. To me, this is not about pregnancy but about unrealistic expectations, lack of understanding and controlling behavior. I think a "come to Jesus" talk is in order to be as close to being on the same page as possible before baby arrives.
This behavior is really oppressive and I would tell my husband to back the F off.

@mrbee: My husband was kinda the same way and I think part of it was more he just never had to, so he never really learned how to work through those things. Follow up calls were the worst. I remember being at his parents house and he coordinated what type of pizza everyone wanted and then turned to his mom and made her call and actually order the pizza (even though she hadn't been paying attention to the order since he was coordinating). We have had to work on really having specific things he can handle on his own.

@Blackbird @Mrscobee I agree. This is not a "my husband doesn't understand how tired I am in pregnancy" problem. This is a major relationship problem that is much larger, in my opinion...

I don't even know what to say, because if I was in that situation and my spouse would not consider counseling/couple's therapy... well, I am not sure what I would do. I think it sounds extremely unhealthy and not an environment I would want to be in. I hope it gets better for you.

First off, congrats on your pregnancy, and kudos on you for what I know are tireless efforts with students who need you.

Look, I'm a SAHM and still believe in splitting household tasks. My husband doesn't get fanned with palm leaves when he gets home - he pitches in. But, in most cases, the partner who is home during the day needs to take care of the to-do's they are technically capable of. You shouldn't be working your tail off, and then come home to a clipboard of projects your husband could have easily tackled, himself. I'd be willing to cut him some slack if he was a SAHD, but he's home, solo. No. Call the realtor, dude.

I get that he could be self conscious or blue due to unemployment, and that is understandable. But his behavior is pretty uncalled for. Pregnancy and unemployment can be tough on a marriage, but communication and unconditional respect needs to remain intact. I'd definitely demand more of both. And yes to what others have suggested re: outlining parenting expectations. It only gets harder, from here on out.

Yeah, you REALLY need to get this stuff hammered out before your baby arrives because literally ANGTFD when THAT exhaustion hits. Are you supposed to breastfeed around the clock, go to work, and ALSO handle home renovations "because you're more into design than I am" and call the plumber because "its your post-partum hair that clogged the drain"? NO. SLASH.

I speak as someone with social anxiety. I HATE dealing with customer service people and people coming to our door, etc. We are buying a house now and DH has handled like 95% of all the loan/realtor mess. However, if he was physically tired and overwhelmed by his work and health and couldn't deal with it, I would definitely handle it. Especially if he asked me to help him juggle all his stuff. In fact, once we close I'm in charge of all the renovations, contractors, vendors, etc. I'm not looking forward to it, but that's what we need to do.

If you lay out what your needs are and he's like "no way, you can't change the division of labor just because you are pregnant" then he needs intervention for sure. If he's against a therapist because they don't know him, I would get a male you both know who's had kids to spit some hot man knowledge on him. Maybe its his father, maybe its his best friend, whatever. There's gotta be SOME dude he knows who can tell him "yo, being unemployed doesn't mean you can't work hard and step up your game while your wife is being cannibalized from the inside out by a large parasite."

In terms of me time, until this is dealt with I would learn to love tepid bubble baths or join a prenatal yoga class to do at night after work so you can relax at some point and possibly be more open to handling your husband's demands.

As others have said your post is full of red flags. I understand he is trying to find a job but I doubt he he putting in as many hours as you are. He needs to step up to being a part time SAH and support you. Simple things like you asking for what you need and changing assigned responsibilities (like dog walking) should not be resisted when you are asking for help. Caring for a newborn is so much work once you add it on top of everything else in your life. Sleep deprivation is no joke. Whatever issues are already there will amplify once the baby comes. I think some counseling would be beneficial for both of you. I saw a therapist alone 1x a week while I was pregnant and am down to every other week- it was really beneficial for me to do some emotional housekeeping before the babe came.

@HourThyme: I am sorry you thought some responses were harsh. I am wondering if you were extra frustrated in your original post (which is totally warranted-- especially in pregnancy.) Hormones are for real! I got this impression of a controllin and unreasonable husband. I am glad to read your update as it added much more context and details. For example, you said he gets on your case if you eat something snacky is very different than him suggesting you eat something other than cookies for breakfast.
So much gets lost "in translation."
I will say that, out of most online communities, HB is less likely to recommend divorice. I didn't notice anyone suggest it, rather their concerns that you find some common ground with your husband before your baby arrives. I read "red flags" as in some relationship "housekeeping" may be in order before parenthood.
Anyway, I see that you are pretty new to HB and I hope you don't feel put off. People frequently post about relationship struggles and, sometimes, we just need to vent.
Welcome to HB.