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Is it unreasonable...

...to expect the parent with the car to keep their cell phone with them at all times during the day?

We have one car. My husband drove today. Daycare called to tell me that H had a 102F fever and they couldn't get a hold of Dad, but they knew I always answer. I called his office phone once and his cell phone twice before he called me back, and he doesn't understand why I'm mad. He wasn't in a meeting, he was just chatting with a co-worker in their cube.

Am I wrong or being unreasonable? I don't know if my mama bear is getting in the way of things.

  1. MrsRcCar

    grapefruit / 4712 posts

    Not unreasonable at all! I would be fuming. Big hugs momma, hope your LO feels better soon!

  2. psw27

    pomelo / 5220 posts

    Nope. I would be pissed, especially if LO needed something. My DH is not the best about keeping his phone on him or answering it... I explained that now that we have a LO, we need to be able to communicate! It is a constant battle for us. Hope LO feels better!!

  3. MrsF

    honeydew / 7283 posts

    Not unreasonable at all! I'd be pissed.

    I'm sorry your LO isn't feeling well!

  4. yoursilverlining

    eggplant / 11824 posts

    If you called 3 times in less than 15 minutes before getting a response then I think it might verge a little on unreasonable – but then again, if it were me in that situation I would have been pissed at DH too! Anything more than a wait of about 15 minutes for him to respond and I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.

    FWIW, I am the primary daycare contact and knowing this, I keep my cell phone with me 24/7 at work. I take it to meetings and always have it on me. Most of the other parents on my team do exactly the same thing. It’s easier for guys to do this too, since they can just throw the phone in their pants pocket. I would expect the "primary daycare parent" to that.

  5. avivoca

    watermelon / 14467 posts

    @yoursilverlining: Between daycare and myself, it was 4 calls in about a 10-minute time frame. I have no idea how long he was away from his desk. I feel silly, but mostly it's that my baby doesn't feel well and I can't get to her, so why wouldn't he keep his phone with him knowing that he's the only one who can get her?

  6. Smurfette

    GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts

    @avivoca: cause men don't think like that. My DH is horrible about not answering his phone and it drives me crazy.

  7. Cherrybee

    papaya / 10570 posts

    I am terrible for leaving my phone on silent..... Some days I leave it at hone entirely by mistake. We both have cars but I'm the main daycare contact because my job is flexible where DH's isn't - I'm just rubbish, basically.

    So I sympathise with your husband, although I also agree with you!

  8. AprilFool

    nectarine / 2591 posts

    Not unreasonable but maybe something he needs to learn from experience. The first time would annoy me but if it happened again I would be angry. I don't think 10 minutes is an unreasonable time to return a call though.

    Generally dads worry a little less than mums so it might not even occur that day care would call him since he has the car.

  9. LuLu Mom

    GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts

    I'd be pissed too! I told DH his phone must be answered at all times in these next few weeks! He has a habit of being "busy" and returning my call later, well if I go into labor I will be really upset if he doesn't answer when I call.

  10. lemondrop

    bananas / 9118 posts

    Not unreasonable, but when I teach I can't answer the phone for 45 minute increments, but my husband has our main office number to call in an emergency so our receptionist can just knock on my classroom door.

    Two weeks ago my husband drove my dad home after surgery two hours with the boys while I was at work. His phone got low on the way home, then the road closed and he had to take a long detour home without a signal. I was beside myself when I got home from work and my mom said they left hours ago and couldn't find them or get him to answer. I was looking up emergency numbers for highway patrol when he finally called. It was horrible.

    Usually we use the Life 360 app for locations but without a signal you are stuck with the last ping.

  11. StrawberryShortie

    cherry / 241 posts

    Not unreasonable I would have lost it

  12. Corduroy

    pomelo / 5258 posts

    I probably would have been mad at DH just cause I get mad but I am the worst about my phone. I have no reception in the lab at my office so I often go 3 or 4 hours out of phone communication.

  13. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    ok fair enough you might step away from desk, or be away from your phone for 15-20 mins, but if you see a million missed calls on your phone, from both home and daycare, you best believe its an emergency. therefore don't be mad you had all the missed calls.

  14. Charm54

    cantaloupe / 6885 posts

    Depends....if he was out of commission for like 45 mins, Id be pissed. 15, 20 minutes? Eh, Id let it slide.

  15. fairy

    persimmon / 1343 posts

    Not unreasonable! We only have one car too and I would be really upset if DH had the car and I couldn't get ahold of him especially if LO were in daycare.

  16. blackbird

    wonderful grape / 20453 posts

    I also don't carry my phone around the office or down to the cafeteria when I get water, so....I could easily be caught phone less at work! So I don't think it's a big deal he called you back within 10 min! That's pretty quick!

  17. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    Oh gosh, I'm the primary daycare contact and last year LO had a fever and they couldn't reach me for almost 2 hours, so I am far far worse. To be fair, they didn't call my other numbers like my work number!

  18. babynumber1

    persimmon / 1396 posts

    i could easily go an hour or two with being unreachable in meetings or with patients. My husband is much easier to access than I am. If I could get him for more than 39 malin then I would panic, but not for just 10 minutes.

  19. Orchid

    clementine / 927 posts

    A returned call in 10 minutes is good to me.

  20. Andrea

    GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts

    I might be annoyed, but 10 minutes isn't that long. It could take that long just to walk to and use the bathroom in an office building. If I was expecting a call, I would take my phone though. Missed calls always seem to happen the second I step away!

  21. avivoca

    watermelon / 14467 posts

    @Andrea: My rational self knows this, but considering that he has been known to text me from the toilet at work, I kind of expect him to always have his phone.

    @AprilFool: He's our primary contact with daycare because his office is right across the parking lot from the center. Even without the car, he would be able to go get her while I made my way out there (I work about 20 minutes away in good traffic).

    Now that I know she's ok, I feel like I overreacted. There's a case of RSV and a case of croup in the two classes she's in, so we've been on high alert. It's just a virus, but I hope he will keep his phone with him more in case it happens again!

  22. Andrea

    GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts

    @avivoca: I understand. You were probably especially anxious since your babe is sick. I hope she makes a speedy recovery!!

  23. littlejoy

    pomegranate / 3375 posts

    I wouldn't be mad at him (we're all human), but it would freak me out, and we'd definitely have a conversation about it.

    I hate when I can't get ahold of him (even for something really stupid). I think in this day, with all of our tech, it's not too much to expect your partner to be available.

    We've had this issue, and now we just text each other ahead of time if we're going to be unavailable for more than 10 min. It's worked so far. DH doesn't like when I call his office phone (he prefers text), so I think he makes it a point to be available via his phone.

  24. PawPrints

    pomegranate / 3658 posts

    I would feel like ten minutes was completely fine. If it were a really long time with no way to reach him and no way for you to go get LO, then that would be a different matter.

  25. ElbieKay

    pomegranate / 3231 posts

    I do not think it's unreasonable to take ten minutes to respond to a phone call during the work day.

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