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I think everyone has their own standards of cleanliness. And dirty toilets don't physically hurt anyone (I say this as someone who also has trouble living in an untidy house and definitely has different standards than my spouse.)

But, at least as you described it, your husband isn't making room for some of your priorities while assuming you will for his. So, I think your request for some cleaning time is totally reasonable.

I know exactly what you mean. When I need to get something done, it's with the kids. And it's not always easy or safe. Then there's DH, don't get me wrong, he's great, but he also doesn't realize that when he needs to get something done the kids are my responsibility. When it's the other way around, things don't always work the same. Lots of reminders help, but it's definitely something that usually needs to be communicated.

I'll start by saying that I'm the opposite of you in regards to cleaning. I'm perfectly fine doing a "proper clean" every third week, as long as the rest of the house is generally tidy (and the kitchen has been cleaned.)
BUT, I don't think you're being unreasonable. A clean home is important to you and you should be given some time to dedicate to that, kid free. Saying you need to have the older child "help" sounds like a cop-out to me, especially because he gets "kid-free" time for his desired projects.

I think you deserve a medal for cleaning. Seriously, no one wants to live in filth, even if it isn't really dirty. DH and I pretty much suck at cleaning, but his tolerance is a lot less than mine. I think you should be praised for wanting to clean. But at the same time, I find his DIYing and "dinner obsession" really endearing! Ya'll both deserve medals!

I think you're being reasonable. I am definitely not a compulsive cleaner (there's times when our place has gotten bad!), but I do prefer to keep the floors regularly vacuumed and toilets cleaned. If I start to notice crumbs sticking to my feet, just yuck.

I know it's a bit of an investment, but perhaps a roomba (or other similar brand) would be useful? You can time it to run everyday and then wouldn't need anyone to watch the kids while it cleaned. Mine is one of my most precious possessions Perhaps it doesn't help if doing the vacuuming helps you to unwind, but if you just want it to be clean, it's a miracle machine!

I don't think a weekly real cleaning is unreasonable although that would be much more than I would be willing to do myself. Perhaps he can prioritize your need to clean the way you entertain his drill chores. If E likez helpinf so much with chores you can give her laundry stuff while you clean in the same room. Folding at three can take some time.

Your DH really should have cleaned the bathroom a few times during the past 8 weeks!

He's not entirely wrong in saying that cleaning standards usually relax some when two kids are in the house, but it sounds like he's using that as an excuse. Ideally he should step up and do some of the cleaning himself, but if he flat refuses to do that, it really is the bare minimum to expect him to watch the kids while you do it. Telling you to entertain your 3-year-old while you clean, when you are only 8 weeks postpartum, is off the charts nuts.

It's not crazy to want some time to clean. I think the question is how much time do you want to have without kids to clean every week? If I was doing a "proper clean" of my house, it would take the whole day. And I do think that's unreasonable. I'd fight for 3 hours and settle for 1.5-2. Alternatively, I like the idea that a PP had that you each get some time to do whatever. My DH and I each get one morning of the weekend off. He usually sleeps. I clean/garden/go jogging/run errands.

You should marry my husband instead lol. Or if you have married me you would have divorced me already.

We are the other way around..... and man, I think DH would be so happy if I were more like you. Kudos to you. My priorities is never in cleaning and when I am so tired working and cooking and taking care of my son...etc. I slip on cleaning. Yes of course no one wants to live in a messy house but I only have 2 hands and 24 hours a day. We don't have a cleaning lady. My husband gets mad at me when the house is messy and dirty. And no we don't vaccum our staircase .... maybe more than 8 weeks in a row. Yikes

Maybe you can consider hiring cleaning help, say every other week or even every month? This way you clean when you can, but when you are really slipping someone is picking up for you and you won't be in a complete anxious state of being in a horribly dirty / messy house?

@Cherrybee: I'm like you! I'm super OCD about cleaning. And DH, is the completely opposite, haha. There are times I've nagged about cleaning to him and it never ends well. So I've really been looking at the positives and all the stuff he DOES do.

For me, I finally let go once I got pregnant again and in 1st trimester. That coupled with parenting a toddler left me NO energy to even care. DH did all the laundry, we left clean laundry unfolded for weeks, DH cleans the bathroom only once every 2 weeks, the kitchen... Let's not even go there. I just keep telling myself that once I feel better I can be in control again! I really cannot put my own expectations on what a clean house is on him. He's been getting the basics done and that's all I can ask for, for now. My standards are WAY too high for anyone. People are always amazed at how clean our house is with a kid and dog; I tell them I'm not doing it for them, lol! I'm only happy/relaxed when the whole house is clean and in order.