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I'd just give them the option. Say we're having a get together on X date in Dec or if you'd rather my mom is planning to host a baby shower sometime in Feb, which ever works better for you.

I invited my out of town friends to my baby shower but sent them a note saying if you're not already planning to be home that weekend I don't want you to go out of your way to come home for it and that we can celebrate together next time they were in town.

Gift grabby, No i don't think so. People want to celebrate the baby and if they are close enough that they want to make a special trip to see you then they will likely be wanting to shower you and baby with gifts either way.

I'm sure your close friends would want to be at your shower and would appreciate being included!

I think they would be excited to be able to attend your shower! I have a few friends who live in Washington (I live in Toronto) and they actually road tripped to visit so they could come to my shower. You could also tell them that you don't want them to bring gifts and that their visit is your present, if you're worried about seeming grabby.

No, I wouldn't think that this is gift grabby. I buy gifts when I want to, anyway, not when I am told to.

No, I actually think it's considerate. If these are good enough friends that they're willing to travel just to "see the bump," then I'd imagine they'd want to be at your shower. I would just suggest that you are thinking of having the shower in February, and would it work for them to come visit then? That way they don't have to make 2 trips (if they do want to be at the shower).

I wouldn't think you're out to get gifts.. If I am your friend (and assuming a friend worth traveling to visit), then of course I'd love to be able to attend your baby shower too and kill 2 birds with one stone! And I would've given you a gift regardless!

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'd think they wanted me to celebrate with them.

Not even slightly gift grabby. And your DH doesn't want you to have a shower?! Yeah, my DH wouldn't get a say in that.

As a friend, I would think it's great that the baby shower coincided with the visit!

Not gift grabby at all. I would love it if my visit was the same time as the shower!

Not at all! I think they would love to be at your shower. Don't overthink it, there is nothing wrong with having a baby shower, give them the options and see what they say.

I think since they already said that they want to visit, it would be good to tell them that your shower might be in February, but that they are welcome to visit in December if that is easier.
I actually think it would be weird if I offered to visit a pregnant friend in December and then found out after the fact that there was a shower in February. I would be like, why didn't you tell me?

If it's a friend close enough they'd be traveling just to visit me, I would assume they'd be getting a gift anyway. So it wouldn't even occur to me that it could look gift grabby.

I think if you are the type of person who is conscientious enough to ask this question, and these are your buds and would know that about you, then you have nothing to worry about

@meredithNYC: agree with this!

I also felt really uncomfortable with the idea of a shower but several of my friends insisted on hosting one. I think most people want to celebrate the new baby and congratulate you.