About a year or so ago, maybe more, DH had a friend ask him to be in her wedding and for DS to be a flower boy. She's a very good friend of his, and actually came all the way from China to the US to attend our wedding.

She currently lives in Vancouver and has decided to have the wedding in FL. We are in MA. When she asked DH to be in the wedding she had no location or date picked out. A couple months ago she told him she decided she wanted to get married this October. Now finally today she told him she's decided on a location, but didn't give him the definite date. We are pretty sure that we know which place she picked in FL and it's fairly pricey to stay there (Avg ~$300/night). She also told him she wants some kind of wedding event on Friday, then get married the following Monday.

I'm starting to feel like the cost of this is mounting sky high and that's she's being pretty inconsiderate. Airfare for 3 people would be around $1000. 5 nights at a hotel (arrive Thursday, leave Tuesday) would be >$1600. We also may need to rent a car. So...another $500-700? Food for 4-5 days, another $200? At this point we're past $3k for this trip. We don't really have the money for it, and even if we did, I don't really want to spend that much on someone else's wedding.

DH feels completely obligated to go, and keeps bringing up the fact that she came to our wedding from China. He also feels obligated to bring DS since he agreed DS could be in the wedding too. I'm really frustrated that she wants things to span over so many days and that now that he's said yes, he's just kind of in for whatever she comes up with.

Is this normal for a destination wedding? Would it be really bad if I pushed back and said no DS, and no staying there for 5 days?