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@ShootingStar: Won't DS still be under 2 in Oct? If it was me, I'd do lap child, as annoying as it would be with a nearly 2 year old in order to save the money. I'd also come in Friday instead of Thurs to save a night at the hotel.

I would be most annoyed that you don't have all the details by now. I think you are totally justified in asking to get all the details so you know exactly what you are dealing with, then make decisions from there.

@Mamaof2: Yep, this. While your DH already "committed" he doesn't have any real details. So the bride can choose to do what she wants, but once you get the details, you need to look at the hard costs ASAP and figure out what you can afford/what you want to do. I'm all for celebrating people but I don't think every gesture of friendship must be reciprocal in monetary value to be counted. That's not what friendship is about. Don't drag your feet in researching and making decisions on what you feel comfortable about because you'll want to tell the bride quickly and without resentment so you can celebrate her!

I don't think the price is unreasonable for a destination wedding, but I also don't think it's unreasonable for you to not attend for all 5 days or for your DH to go alone.

Like a few people have said, I think the unreasonable part is that she's having events Friday and Monday. Sounds like maybe weekend days are more expensive to have events at the resort and she's trying to make it a relaxing trip and less rushed. Which is fine I guess, but I would prefer maybe dinner Thursday and wedding Friday, or dinner Monday and wedding Tuesday. Then you could arrive the day before and leave the day after. While I think the costs are more than I'd like, I'm hesitant to say "unreasonable" because travel is expensive and based on their choices. That being said, anyone having a destination wedding should be prepared that some guests could not afford to go or might have to make other arrangements. If she's that good a friend, DH should talk to her and say it's out of your budget- maybe ask what's most important to her, or ask if she knows if anyone else plans to stay at another location, etc. She may already have friends or family doing that. Maybe she'll tell you to leave LO home (maybe it's just me I don't think destination weddings instantly mix with kids) so she can enjoy the time with you both, maybe she'll say to skip Friday- Monday is most important, etc. But the only thing she shouldn't be is shocked, I think this comes with the territory of destination weddings.

@ShootingStar: I would attempt to do what you could to cut costs for the event, but tell your DH ask her some questions that would let her know that money is a factor. For instance "do you know if there's a budget-friendly hotel in the area you are planning your wedding?" or "would it be okay for my wife and DS to fly in a little later so we can save on flights?" or something like that. This may drop a hint that he really wants to be there but that money is tight and she may have some suggestions or try to accommodate you guys in some way to help offset the cost. I think most people would feel really bad to cause financial hardship to others if they knew what was going on. I knew money was a factor for one of my BMs and I did little things like order for her BM's dress for her "because I found a sale" and then didn't cash the check she gave me to reimburse. I also had a hotel suite with a pull-out couch and offered it to her to sleep on for the wedding weekend "to keep me company because I get lonely."

I agree that you should try to get a VRBO or AirBNB type rental. Weekly rates for those types of rentals might be cheaper than buying 5 days, so check that. I would also probably have your DH fly in earlier on a cheaper flight and either find a budget hotel or see if there's a buddy of his he could split a room with (and maybe even a car) for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Then you and DS fly in on Sunday, stay together as a family for Sunday and Monday nights, and then fly out together Tuesday. By limiting the amount of time you and DS are on the ground, the less kid stuff you have to pack and you can just hit it and quit it.

I agree with others that you should just go for a shorter period of time and explain that you can't afford to stay in a hotel for 5 nights. Or perhaps find a cheaper hotel / airbnb.