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I think sleeping is huge! in those hectic early days I remember feeling like my husband and I didn't even look at each other. Sad. Honestly my kids are growing up (almost 2 and almost 4) and sleep/discipline/chaos can still bring back the tension, but in general we are our normal affectionate selves.

Its early days! We gradually fell back into a rhythm, but it took some time and effort. Once we had adjusted to having a baby in our lives, and once we were getting some sleep again, we found our way back Its a new normal, definitely not exactly the same, but that's ok too. Be kind to yourselves and hang in there!

@SweetiePie: it gets better. It takes time and patience but it does.

We've been together right years, married for five, and have been parents for three. We have two kids.

With our first, I had a tough time seeing either of us outside our role as parent for a long time. I didnt feel sexy. I didn't feel attractive. I didn't see myself as me, as wife, as friend. I felt trapped as "mom" and only identified as that for quite some time.

It negatively impacted our relationship. He was ready for dates and intimacy far sooner than I was! And once I did go on dates with him & we were intimate, I realized how much I missed me time & us time and how much I craved our emotional connection!

I didn't realize I was acting like a mom-robot! I felt pretty great once I snapped out of it.

Right now we have a three week old. It's been a much easier transition for us, since we knew what to expect, but by no means has it been flawless. We are still tired and still bicker over really stupid things that should roll off our backs.

The one advantage we have this time is having an older kid. It forces us to keep our routine, which forces is to live our lives normally-- so no newborn hibernating for us! I imagine we will have date night much sooner this time too.

You're still in the "thick" of it, hormones are still crazy so you aren't yourself, that's completely normal and it will pass. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship and I'm sure it will come back soon, I wouldn't worry. It's a new chapter and there's nothing wrong with focusing on being a mother first for awhile.

I remember in the early days that we wanted to try to get things done and we didn't know how to get out the door or just get some wash done. There was a point where I was complaining to my husband about how we never sleep in our bed at the same time anymore and how sad that made me. He assured me that we'd get back there after a while, and of course we had.

I think it's all about survival mode in the beginning. We had a horribly colicky baby and were so sleep deprived that we were shells of ourselves for the first few months. Reminding him that you just pushed a baby out and have hormones that are all over the place might also have him back off of you being "weird." Of course you aren't going to be yourself for a little while longer.

But...it will pass and you will get back to where you were a little bit at a time. Your relationship will grow into a different type of love, but you'll be in a much better place.

@SweetiePie: For me, it got much, much better when our baby starting sleeping better. That didn't happen until 11.5 months but we made it through those first 11.5 months and now DH and I go to bed at the same time every night, we sleep in the same bed, we both get a decent amount of sleep.

and eventually when your LO is older, you can bring back Date nights--those ALWAYS help us feel more connected. Getting out of the house is key for us. When we try to have a "date night" at home after LO is in bed, we almost always end up doing stuff around the house (cleaning dishes, packing day care stuff) and it's not relaxing at all.

@SweetiePie: Our relationship wasn't too bad in the newborn days, probably because we were too busy trying to work together and figure it all out, but it did hit a rough spot once DS got mobile. It was stressful running after him all day, trying to keep him safe, and trying to find time to get stuff done like housework and other life crap. DH and I started snapping at each other and arguing more when we hardly ever used to fight. Things are so much better now ( at 13 months) and what helped us was acknowledging each others feelings, maintaining an open line of communication, and working as a team. Date nights thrown in there never hurt either. Of course I know we'll continue to have our ups and downs, and trust me I never expected those downs because our relationship was so strong pre-baby, but it really does get better. I love my little family more than anything! Hang in there and feel free to message me if you need to talk.

@SweetiePie: WOW for the babysitting!!! I think setting that relationship-centric tone early is an AMAZING thing. High five!!!

I think the bottom line for my husband and I was getting to a point where we accepted our "new normal" life. It was something that happened gradually and wasn't based on milestones (although sleeping always helps!) In those early days there is no light at the end of the tunnel and you are simply in a survival mode. This phase slowly turns into getting into a groove and I think then one day you stop and realize "wow this is my life now and it's pretty great". Relationships and people change and there was no greater change than a baby for us! Are my husband and I the newlyweds we once were? No way... But having a baby and creating our "new normal" has created a new kind of love that is just as good and maybe even better. Hang in there you're still in survival mode and things will get better!

I changed after having a baby no doubt. There were little things though that bothered him that I was unwilling to compromise on. Things that weren't a big deal but caused irritation. He likes it dark when he sleeps and getting up with a baby I wanted night lights on,.....it took a bit of tired snipping but now he wears a blindfold. The kids don't sleep in our room anymore but the 3 year old wanders in so night lights are everywhere upstairs. It's silly little things like that that mess up the routine that caused a bit of stress for us. But we just did a lot of talking in those early days about how neat and lovely baby was but also what the challenges were. My first looks just like him so I did a lot of gushing about what cuties they were, helps to balance out the sleeplessness. And I asked for back rubs instead of sexy time so there was still some sort of intimacy.

Also at 2 weeks I started leaving him with baby for a half hour - hour for a walk or run with the pups. I needed the time to myself and he needed to have baby time without someone looking over his shoulder.

@SweetiePie: we've talked about this but what's helped DH and I is that at least one of us is getting sleep. I do most of the baby care right now bc DH has a long commute and long hours but it helps in that he's always well rested and can see things really objectively while I may not. He makes a real effort to hug and kiss me whenever he can and he tells me I look beautiful every day - in short he still tries to pursue me and tell me I'm even more attractive to him because I'm a good wife AND a good mother. I try to love back by telling him he's been a wonderful support for me, that I'm so grateful he works so hard to support us right now, and try to do small things to show him he's still a priority, like run a load of his laundry and fold it, or remind him his baseball team is playing that night. DH also has chosen to sleep in the same room with me and baby so far - he just wears ear plugs and an eye mask. He wants to be around so I can sleep well when I do get a chance to sleep and I feel so thankful for that. Just keep courting each other in small ways - leave notes, send texts, kiss as you walk past each other down the hall. It's worth the small investments.