Hellobee Boards

I have been wanting to start a thread about this but I didn't want to get into mommy wars between the SAHMs and the WOHMs. But I just don't have enough hours in the day to do the things I need to do. For instance... getting laundry done is nearly impossible when the baby is sleeping because the washer/dryer is right outside her bedroom. But I don't have enough time during the day when she is awake to get it done. So I cram it all in on the weekend, strategicly planning switching loads around awake times. I've been lucky that work is super understanding about me doing whatever I need to do to accomodate the baby but I try hard not to push it (for instance we did her 4 month check up on Good Friday since I had the day off from work). So I've not had issues at work but I feel like things at home just keep getting further and further behind. When I was on maternity leave the house was always clean, the fridge was always stocked, dinner was cooked at dinner time (rather than eating at 9pm like we have been doing). It's tough.

It's so hard. That sucks your work isn't more understanding. I totally admit, the other weekend I was gone from her a lot and I couldn't bear the thought of putting her in daycare. I totally called in sick! When I do get her on her daycare days, I just try to baby wear and cuddle her because I MISS her! So working out or doing any kind of real chores is out of the question.

@lindseykaye: I hear you! For the first time EVER I convinced DH we should hire a maid to do a spring cleaning. I'm actually really excited about it lol!

Right now I'm struggling with my social life... I have a lot of friends that don't have kids and I still want them in my life. But they don't always understand. For example they are always inviting me to girls nights or even weekends away and while I do enjoy them, I don't want to be apart from my LO! Hello!

@LuLu Mom: I would stay home in a heartbeat, too. Unfortunately I'm the high earner in our household while DH is the one with AMAZING benefits. We would lose big time if either one of us chose to stay home.
Plus if DH were to stay home I think I would really resent that he was able to do so. It would be great to have LO looked after by her dad, but it would be hard for me to get over.

@kml636: Hiring a cleaning service sounds so awesome. I might just have to look into it for us this year. Right now we have the rest of April without any family obligations (so far) and I'm going to try and 'schedule' some bigger cleaning tasks for us to do over the course of the month. Who knows how it will go though... LO doesn't like to nap on the weekends unless she's in our arms and I always give in because she needs the sleep and I want the snuggles

@kml636: I'm only getting out with my friends once (maybe twice) a month now. But we have started a monthly dinner the first Tuesday of each month going to a different place each time. The fact that it's a standing thing helps in that we know to plan for it. And since it's during the week it's always low-key and I know I'll be home at a decent hour. Perhaps you could do something similar. Or brunches are always good because you could bring her along too.

@SLR: omg, I don't know how you do it! Wow! Yeah, the once a month thing is a great idea! Thanks!

@Tidybee: I'm in the same situation where we definitely could make it work for me to stay home... But things like retirement and education saving would suffer. I'm not willing to make that financial sacrifice and believe that me working is what's best for our family... But the mommy guilt about not staying home when I technically could is really tough.

@scg00387: I should have known hellobee is much too civilized for that crap!

@kml636: @scg00387: Thanks ladies. Hope I didn’t come off that I’m throwing myself a pity party. It’s good to know that many of us are in the same boat and I’m not the only one barely keeping my head above water. And I totally know what you mean about having a different set of issues being a SAHM. When Em was home sick for the week the second week of me going back to work, DH stayed home with her because I couldn't miss work after just returning back. He definitely had a new appreciation for how much work and how exhausting that is!

The past couple nights have been a little better. DH has said that he’s willing to do whatever, I just need to more clearly spell out what that is. So the last couple nights have gone like this…we get home and E usually goes down for a short nap. We use this time to get situated from the day, unpack her daycare stuff, go through the mail, and all that kinds of stuff. I’ll then make dinner while DH watches her, we eat dinner with E in her swing next to the table, then I’ve taken her and do play time, bath, etc. while DH does the dishes. Sometime in there one of us washes bottles (most nights) and after she goes to bed I’ll prepare the bottles and my pumping stuff for the next day. It still gives me just an hour at night to myself, but at least it’s a 50/50 split on house chores and baby duty.

I’m also trying to simplify dinners and make big batches of things that are freezable at least one Sunday a month. I used to go to more effort in what I prepared but am now opting for quicker, simpler meals. (Background on this…I’ve been somewhat conflicted on going the quick/convenience route that is not the healthiest vs. more time consuming healthy meals. Either way, something has to give.) So what if we have pasta more often than we really should???

sorry i'm late to the party, but i just can't find time in the day to be on HB anymore! i'm in the same boat as everyone else, my day doesn't really END until 8pm and i want to be in bed by 9pm. i actually like being back at work, but it is exhausting. i have no idea how any mom finds time in her day to exercise. i only have free time to feed myself and take a shower, nothing else.

@lindseykaye: @kml636: @SLR: for of you thinking about getting a cleaning service...DO IT. i finally broke down and got a cleaning lady 2x per month and it is amazing. i've never seen my apartment this clean before, ever. and my apartment is cluttered, but she finds a way to organize the clutter to make it look neat. i don't have any idea how she does it. i did not know what clean meant until she cleaned my apartment.

@SLR: i also felt like i was taking on the bulk of the housework...like for some reason i felt like it was my responsibility...my dad then reminded me the other day that i and make good money and i am not expected to take on the housework, cooking, etc. i am an equal contributor to the household finances and for some reason, i realized just then that he was totally right. i think i felt that way because i'm a woman, and there is some part of culture that expects us to do all the housework. there is no reason i should be the one that always washes my pump parts and bottles, or the one waking up at night to feed her. i have a job too, so the job of taking care of our daughter needs to be shared equally. anyway. i'm getting off my soapbox now.

The ONLY reasons we are thriving in our work/life balance is because of my work schedule (two days at home) and because my mom is here 3 days out of the week (overnight) and watches A while I work from home sometimes too.

There is NO way we'd have any balance without either of those factors. We are so grateful and extremely lucky to have our child care situation. Thank you baby Jesus.