oot wedding: wwyd? « Hellobee Boards

The other thread about traveling away from a nursing kiddo got me thinking...I'm really torn about what to do for a wedding we're invited to in about 6 weeks and we need to RSVP soon. I'd love others' opinions!

We're in NYC, the wedding is in Boston and it's an adults-only, black tie optional, evening wedding.

Background info: the groom was one of dh's college friends who I had never met before our own wedding, but then let dh and I live with him rent-free for over a month when I was traveling for dissertation research (he had an extra room in his house), though that was about 5 years ago and I've still only seen him once since (dh has seen him more, but we don't live in the same place. So I don't know him well but he's been extremely generous in the past to us.

Normally one or both my parents travel with us for weddings but can't this time,

Wwyd? See poll below

ETA: our girls will be 4.5 and 21months. 21mo still nursing now but can go without it

ETA2: added an option for bringing our sitter with us to Boston; not sure if this would cost more or less than having her watch them in NYC though

snowjewelz
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts

Oct 3, 2018

I voted DH goes alone, generous gift, you stay home.

So no family can babysit, the only possibility is paid sitter? I mean, if you've used this person before and he/she is good with both of them at the same time and can feed, put to bed and everything, I would consider going.
kiddosc
grapefruit / 4278 posts

Oct 3, 2018

My first choice is option 1, but I would have a friend watch the kids and include a gift card for pizza that night. If there was absolutely no one to watch the kids, then I would send DH alone.
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@snowjewelz: we could ask mil or sil, but they'd be coming from out of town too (live in DC) and I just...prefer not to deal with the strings attached of asking for favors, lol. we've asked them for help before and it becomes way too complicated or causes drama. I don't know who a paid sitter locally would be; we've asked friends and gotten no leads. If we leave the kids in NYC, we have a couple fantastic sitters who used to be our daycare teachers so definitely can handle both of our girls at once, plus our girls are really comfortable with them. I know one of our sitters has traveled with other families out of town before, but I'm sure it'd be really expensive. We also could look into her coming with us, but that'd be expensive too...I'm not sure which would cost more, actually? I'd have to ask her! If she came with we'd have to pay for an extra hotel room too, so prob more even though she'd only be watching them during the actual wedding...
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@kiddosc: hmm interesting about asking a friend, I hadn't thought of that...
snowjewelz
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@nana87: If you go daycare teacher route I'd totally just leave them then if you're okay with the cost! I feel like it's a lot to ask of a friend unless said friend is a very close friend AND can handle the kids no problem.
JCCovi
kiwi / 705 posts

Oct 3, 2018

I would find a sitter in Boston. Have you tried using Urban Sitter?
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@snowjewelz: yeah, friends seems like a really big ask since it'd be over 24 hours (sat early morning-sun afternoon at the earliest)!
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@JCCovi: I haven't tried Urban Sitter, I was just trying to go by word of mouth through other parents I know there, or one of the groomsmen's wives is a Kindergarten teacher so I thought she might have teacher friends who would be interested, but no luck so far. Have you had luck with it before?
kiddosc
grapefruit / 4278 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@nana87: I have watched my best friend's kiddo a few times overnight and she's taken mine for evenings out. The kids entertain each other and it's not a huge inconvenience. If we're going to just be sitting at home that night anyway, throwing another kid or two in the mix doesn't impact us much.
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@kiddosc: wow, that's so nice to have that!
Foodnerd81
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts

Oct 3, 2018

If it’s a sitter in NY that you know and trust and has handled your kids before, I would definitely do that. NYC to Boston is a close enough trip that it will be pretty easy to keep it to 24 hours, and it would be so much more enjoyable for you to go away together without the kids. If you brought them, you’d be nervous leaving them with a strange sitter, worried about what time you get back, sharing a hotel room with them, and dealing with the kids during the travel time. I’m sure the kids would have more fun at home with the sitter too.

My second choice would be have just your husband go and you stay home. If you don’t care that much about the wedding I think that would be fine too.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Oct 3, 2018

It would be important to me to make sure my husband could attend in the way he wanted to...so I would begin there. If he's fine going alone, I would do that, but if he felt like he wanted to make a weekend out of it, I would look into going up for the weekend, maybe participating in something like the rehearsal dinner , day after brunch as a family, not sure about the ceremony (given that the wedding is black tie optional, I might skip this with small kids) and then just sending my husband to the reception alone.
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@Foodnerd81: yes to everything you wrote about what will happen if we used a sitter in Boston--it's a long drive (plus right before Thanksgiving, when we are also driving a long distance...) and we'd be cramped into a hotel room, I'd be nervous about how they're dealing w a stranger, etc. Major cons for the pro/con list-- thanks for bringing that up!

@looch: good points! dh says he doesn't mind going alone--he'd rather do that than have both of us skip--but he'd def prefer us go together
Foodnerd81
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@looch: with a black tie optional wedding in Boston, I wouldn’t assume that any of it was family friendly. Most rehearsals and brunches around weddings in Boston that I’ve been to weren’t really family things- maybe like a niece or nephew but that’s it.
nana87
cantaloupe / 6171 posts

Oct 3, 2018

@Foodnerd81: @looch: yeah the invite to the rehearsal dinner we received is only addressed to dh and I, and we won’t go regardless since we will either drive up Friday after work if we take the girls or sat am if we don’t.

Dh and I were just talking about it and the logistics seem so complicated and expensive, we’re leaning towards him going alone
bees_knees
persimmon / 1064 posts

Oct 4, 2018

I’d either send DH alone...or neither of you attend and just send a generous gift. My thought is that if you want a kid free wedding (which is totally fine!!) you have to be ok with friends that have kids not attending 🤷‍♀️
dolphin
pomegranate / 3768 posts

Oct 4, 2018

I would leave my kids with family overnight but I wouldn’t trust a paid sitter. If I don’t have family around then DH can go alone if he wants to. If not, I would send a generous gift and I’m sure his friend would understand.
lamariniere
pineapple / 12566 posts

Oct 4, 2018

If possible, I would leave the kids overnight with a sitter. I don’t think this is necessarily the most expensive option. If you brought them with you, you would still need to pay a sitter and you may potentially have to spend more on a larger room for everyone plus transport (if you aren’t driving), food, energy spent on logistics, etc. Also, it’s such a quick trip, maybe you could see it could see it as a mini getaway for you and your DH. Otherwise, send your DH alone.
maddyz
persimmon / 1270 posts

Oct 5, 2018

If I could afford it I would totally leave my kids with their regular siter in NYC and head to boston.
JCCovi
kiwi / 705 posts

Oct 6, 2018

@nana87: We use Urban Sitter whenever we’re trying to find an out-of-town sitter. You can see reviews and if groups your in or people you know have used them before. I’ve found the quality of people interviewed pretty high compared to sites like care.com
Silva
cantaloupe / 6017 posts

Oct 6, 2018

in the absence of family or a close friend watching the kids, I"d send my husband alone. But we have family that does this regularly for us, so I"ve never really had to consider hiring a babysitter for that long.

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