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My 2.5 year old is very persistent in his requests. For example, "mommy I want some milk" "Ok buddy, hang on". "I want milk!" "Mommy I want milk" "Mommy milk" "where is my milk" "I want milk" etc etc etc. over and over and over until I can get around to getting him milk. Even though I told him yes, he just keeps asking and asking and asking.

We have had to talk to him about being patient and waiting. Letting him know, Mommy said yes, but you have to wait. etc. If we do have to tell him no for something we do a lot of validation of his feelings like "Yea cookies are yummy, mommy would love a cookie too" Why do you like cookies. Aren't the sprinkle cookies so pretty. We will get one next time.

We ask DD to ask again without whining. It takes a few times sometimes but she eventually does it and we then thank her and do or get whatever it is that she's asking for. I find the thanking her and then immediately doing whatever it is drives the point home that when she asks in a nice/normal voice she'll get what she wants faster.. cutting out the "say it in a nice voice please", "no whining", "I'm not going to get you more milk until you say it nicely, please".

Another tactic that I plan to use if needed, haven't yet, but I read to say that you can't understand them when they whine.. basically just another way of getting them to say it again nicely.

I hate whining!!!

Newly minted two is rough. I think you need to give her credit for knowing what is going on. Explain to her what whining is. Tell her you will not respond when she whines. Identify it when she's doing it. Take things away when she won't stop whining. And expect it to take a long time to sink in, and to be exhausting, but that it will be worth the clamp down. And be consistent! You can't cave when you're tired or whatever because then she will know that you're not serious.

The only way I can get my 3yo to behave is to take away whatever toy is currently distracting him from doing what I need him to do. I forget when that started, it may have been 2 or 2.5. I feel like a jerk parenting by threat all the time, but he doesn't respond to any other form of limit.

Sorry your child is driving you crazy!

ETA: Complement this by giving her separate, unrelated positive attention.

@Mrs. Sunshine: The fact that she'll walk into a room and start crying to get a reaction from you tells me she knows exactly what she's doing. She's realizing that whining is getting her attention which is exactly what she's looking for.

It will be really hard, but explain to her that you won't respond to whining any longer. You can tell her once that she needs to ask in a tone that is not whining. If she continues, you need to ignore her. It will be like listening to nails on a chalkboard, but when she realizes that her whining won't get her attention, she'll start to slowly shift behavior. Right now, you're reacting to the whining...whether it's yelling or punishing, you're reacting. So she's getting exactly what she wants. Take the reaction away, and it will likely escalate for a bit, but if you calmly tell her that you won't acknowledge her until she asks in a normal voice, she'll start to get it when you follow through each time.

I have one of those attention seekers. And she was fully verbal by 2. It's A LOT!

What's worked for us was just a very simple, "Hey, can you ask that again without whining? We can understand you when you whine." (when she was newly two, I think we might have even used some examples for her to learn how to ask something nicely (and not repeating herself 8,000 times)).

If she gets frustrated, we just stay calm and remind her that when she can take a breath and ask calmly (politely), we're more than happy to help her and listen.

BUT, LO is 3.5, and I think this just comes with the territory of 2-4 ... maybe even 6?

I've learned my reaction is EVERYTHING. Kids like attention (good or bad), so if they're getting a strong negative reaction, they'll keep on doing it, because they're still getting a reaction. I've had to *really* focus on not showing my frustration via sighing, yelling or snapping back at her. Otherwise, she just feeds off of it.

Janet Lansbury isn't for everyone, but her weekly podcast is such a big help for me. Just a little reminder each week about gentle parenting. I like her term "unruffled" - approaching parenting is a calm, confident way.

@Mrs. Sunshine: Here's what we've done to help DS1's whining. I warn you its exhausting and time-consuming, but DH and I have both been consistent about it since DS1 about 2 and now at 32 months, he's so much better.

1. Assuming he's not tired/sleepy/hungry/sick (in which case, I just triage that situation), when DS1 whines or freaks out, we stop what we're doing, get down on his eye level (bend down, kneel, pick him up, whatever, as long as we are eye to eye) and in a clear, calm voice say "LOOK AT DADDY/MOMMY. LOOK AT ME." That is enough to get them to momentarily stop screaming and look at you because its hard for them to do both at the same time. Then when we have his attention, we ask in a low soothing tone "what do you need?" If he's being illogical, we ask if he needs a hug. He will either say yes, or it will force him to express better what he wants from us. Being nonsensical usually means he needs some kind of comfort, so we sit on the couch holding him until he can pull it together and then tell us what he wants in a less crazed tone.

2. If he's screaming for something over and over again, like milk or whatever, we go through the above exercise, get him to more calmly express what he wants and then say "okay, Mommy is going to go get you some milk okay?" With eye contact. Then ask for a response of some kind - "But what do you say?" He then says "milk please." That not only reinforces the manners, but it is a confirmation to himself that I am going to go get him some milk. If in the 10 feet to the fridge, he starts screeching for milk again, I stop, turn around and hold my hand up (as if to motion "stop"). I just stand there and freeze with my hand up and say in a low quiet tone "NO SIR. We don't scream at Mommy. We are a nice boy. We are going to WAIT nicely for Mommy to get you some milk, okay?" (Wait for eye contact and response like "okay.") Then I repeat the transaction: "Would you like some milk?" - "Yes." "Okay, Mommy will get you some milk, but what do you say?" -"Please." "Okay, can you wait nicely on your chair and Mommy will bring you your milk?" -"Okay." "THANK YOU, WHAT A GOOD BOY!"

3. Lavish praise for obedience, even if its right after disobedience. If my son is disobedient (standing up in his dinner chair) and we sternly correct him and he finally sits, then we go totally bright and animated and say "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SITTING! WHO IS SUCH A BIG BOY? IS SAM SUCH A NICE BOY WHO CAN SIT IN HIS CHAIR??" DH and I have gone so far as to yell "yayyyy!!" and clap at the table for things like that and DS1 thinks its great and claps and cheers for himself too.

The even funnier thing is that now DS1 uses these tools on our 1 year old when he's having a fit about something. He goes up in the baby's face and says 'BABY! WOOK AT MEEEE! WOOK AT MEEE! NO FUSS BABY! DONT CRY OKAY? OKAY BABY? NEED HUG? BABY WANT HUG?" He also does the hand up thing and says "Wait!" when he wants us to stop what we're doing and listen to him.