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This is the policy at our school too. You cannot hand out invites on campus unless you are inviting the whole class.

Same policy at our school too. Most parents text or email invites if they don’t want to invite the whole class. We have a class registry with parent info.

This is the policy at our school. I would be surprised if any school didn't have this policy.

Yes and no. If the kids just hand out invitations, they do have to invite everyone. However - you can invite only a few kids, you just have to give the invites to the teacher to quietly put in their folders so the others don't feel left out.

Out daycare policy is that you can't hand out invitations at school. However you can ask the office and they'll provide mailing addresses of the class so you can mail it out.

We did have an issue recently where the daycare didn't update our address after we moved and the invitation got returned to sender. The office did update it then, and we wound up getting the invite in her box at school days before the party.

@Ajsmommy: @Mrsbells: oh man, I don’t think they are dictating who you have to invite. Our pre-k doesn’t allow invites to be distributed at school at all, which is fine with me. Yes, kids need to learn that they won’t be invited to everything, but I don’t think it’s the schools responsibility to either discreetly pass out invitations for a child or deal with the fallout when some kids are invited and some aren’t. It just seems like a huge distraction for their classroom teacher.

I think this is why school directories are helpful. We invited everyone since my son is too young to tell me who he is closest to, but we did it through email based on info the school directory provided. Maybe suggest the school offer that?

@Mrsbells: No, everyone doesn't get invited to everything, but it's also polite not to draw attention to something people are excluded from. For instance, if you were out with a group of girlfriends and wanted to invite half of them to get together again at your home, you wouldn't announce the invitation to the whole table. I don't agree with school policies that force you to invite a certain number of people (at the school I went to if you invited more than half the class, you were forced to invite the whole class, and I thought that policy was out of line). However, I don't disagree with policies that limit handing out invitations at school. I don't believe it's the school's responsibility to facilitate handing out invitations to a private party, I have always just asked the parents of the children I wanted to invite for their home addresses and mailed their invitations there.

@Mrsbells: We've had policy on inviting everyone at every school (private preschool/prek and public elementary) we've ever attended, but it only applies to invitations handed out at school. Honestly, I think it is a bit less about "protecting" kids' feelings, and more about not creating more work for the teachers...particularly since if not everyone is invited, there's a potential for the teacher to make mistakes when handing out invitations. In my DD2's PK3 class at the public school, she recently got an invitation with the wrong girl's name on it...I asked around to make sure it seemed like everyone was invited to the party before telling DD2 about the party, just in case it was a mistake. Turns out the teachers just stuck one in everyone's backpack without looking at the names, and yes, everyone was invited. But that made me realize how quickly things could get confusing.

My eldest is in kindergarten, and in her class this year, as far as I know, it's been mostly either (a) all kids are invited or (b) all boys/girls are invited based on the sex of the birthday child. DD has a summer birthday the week after school is out, and wants a party at our house, so I think we'll pick and choose using email or home addresses for the invitations. I'm with you, that there has to be a cut off for party #s somewhere, especially when the parties get more special. I think your build a bear party sounds awesome - we'd love to host or go to one of those!

@Mrsbells: yeah, but I think as kids get older, their situational awareness increases. A pre-k or younger kid may not even notice an invitation or put together that she/he did not receive an envelope or even care, where an elementary school child would. Just seems easier fo the school to avoid it all together.

@LBee: how are they not dictating? If I want to pass out invitations at school everyone in my DD's class must get one. That sounds pretty dictator-y to me....??? What am I missing??? I'm not given an option?

As I said in my post my preschool does not have this rule. But I know a lot of places do. My friends daughter had to invite all of her classmates if she wanted to pass out invitations at school.

Your response seems to specifically relate to the "teachers" handing out the invites. And I never mentioned that at all. I don't and wouldn't expect teachers to pass out invites AT ALL period. Whether it's to everyone or not to everyone. Meaning when we did my DD's I put the invitations in the cubby's. It had nothing at all to do with the teachers.

And as far as my DD not being included in things....... it's life. I am pretty sure there'll be many things she's not included in that she either will care about or won't care about. We'll deal with them as they come.. and no one said the ENTIRE CLASS minus ONE KID was invited. So I dont' know why you'd ask me about my DD being the ONLY one not invited. But if she was then, so be it.

@Madison43: I agree 100% that the teachers should have no involvement in this..... I don't know why that is being misconstrued with the fact that if I want to pass out invitations at school I have to invite the entire class.

@Ajsmommy: I agree that children need to learn that they won't always be invited to everything, but they also need to learn that it is not the responsibility of the world around them to make everything as easy and convenient for them as possible. It is not unreasonable for the school to expect families to do the necessary leg work to find a way to distribute birthday party invitations without creating unnecessary hurt feelings.

Former kindergarten teacher here. Policy at our school was either the whole class is invited, or all birthday party-related things were to be handled outside of school entirely. We had a weekly folder that went home, and if a parent was inviting the whole class, he or she was expected to drop the invitations in each and every cubby and that went home in the folder with other announcements-and yes, you better believe I checked that each cubby had one so no one was excluded. Yes, your child will learn that he/she sometimes is not included, but no way does the school need to be involved in that. Evites are an easy way to get the word out to specific children you want to invite, as are invitations mailed directly to a child's home. There's enough pressure on a teacher in so many different ways, that birthday parties and potentially hurt feelings around them shouldn't be his or her responsibility.

It’s OK to not invite the whole class obviously (the thought gives me hives as a parent haha) but there are some kids who never get invited to a single party all year long. As a teacher it’s heartbreaking watching how hopeful they get every time invites are placed in select cubbies/folders/etc only to realize that they didn’t get one, yet again. I can see why schools have this policy. Ours doesnt but luckily most parents are sensitive to this and deal with invites outside of school grounds.

As a teacher, birthday party invitations being handed out in class would be pretty distracting and then I have to manage the emotions of the 10 kids that didn't get invited. Not the best use of instructional time.

I've taught mainly 5th and 8th, but also stints in 2nd, 7th, and 10th.

There’s no official policy at our school. So far, my LOs have received paper invitations and I know the whole class hasn’t been invited. I think we will do parties next school year and I plan on emailing invites.