Hellobee Boards

I am not a nanny, nor do I have one-- but have you tried actually interviewing any? I feel like with most things in life the "bad" get more publicity than the "good." Probably especially because those with awesome nannies don't want to brag too much for fear of someone poaching them! lol.

I understand the hesitation but it seems like it would be worth it to do some actual research on possible candidates before deeming the whole field unworkable, if you think a nanny would be the better situation for your child.

Those demands are insane!!! Although I am not totally shocked. I am temp a SAHM and plan on using our church daycare when I return to work. My cousin is having nanny issues as we speak, nanny is watching 1 infant. Both husband & wife work until late. The older 3 older kids are in lots of extra activities so they basically only eat dinner at home but sometimes eat out too. The nanny had the nerve to ask why they didn't cook food for her to eat during the day if they were eating out so much? She also complains that the baby poops too much. So my cousin is in search of a new nanny.

I should also add my friend's nanny was basically a housekeeper too - she didn't get paid extra but she was great with my friend's son and then spent every naptime cleaning, making food, folding laundry - just because it was her personality to be helpful. perhaps few and far between but they are out there!

Some of this is definitely true and so frustrating! We live in NYC and it's standard to pay for a metro card for the nanny, which I don't understand since neither of our jobs cover our transportation costs. I also have to pay her if we go on vacation, so she's going to get $700 for doing nothing. Annoying!
The holiday bonus thing is crazy, we are definitely not giving ours that much...siiiigh, I so wish daycare was an option but with twins, it is literally double the cost so we had to go the nanny route...

I don't know, I live in NYC and see a TON OF NANNIES interacting with their charges in classes, on the street, at the playground, etc. And for the most part, those nannies LOVE their kids. So I think you probably are hearing about a few bad apples.

As for paying for classes and things--I kind of think it makes sense. I mean, I wouldn't want my LO sitting at home with the nanny all day, especially in the winter when the weather is bad. Classes and activities give them both something to do, and are good experiences for LO. During the summer I see less of a reason to do them, but I still think they're valuable if you can swing them. I'm a SAHM and I wouldn't be ok with just staying home with LO, so I guess I wouldn't expect a nanny to be happy about it either.

i live in NYC and yes, nannies have a lot of control here! but i will say that there are some nannies that are great, do not feel entitled, really take their jobs seriously and love their charges. mine is one of those. try to get ones through someone you know, and then interview them. during the interview, you will know immediately if they are one of the entitled ones. ask them what their previous employer did in terms of pay/perks and what they are expecting now. if its too much, then move onto the next one. if you find one you like, interview AT LEAST 3 references. ask lots of prepared questions, focusing esp on the negatives of the nanny...most people want to give good reviews and thats great, but what matters to you as an employer is potential problems. the pay and perks here are a lot higher, yes, but that is the NYC market unfortunately. NYC is also a lot more expensive place to live, for nannies too. i guess i am biased because i've never done daycare, but having a nanny is worth it to me for the convenience b/c my husband and i don't have super flexible schedules.

@Anagram: I agree if there are a lot of free options, then those should suffice (and that's great that you have so many! I wish we did). I also think a lot of nannies might be used to the way their previous families did things, and so expect you to do them too.

@Anagram: Yes, germs are everywhere anyway, especially if the nanny is bringing them to play groups a lot! My first DD started daycare in November so she did get sick a number of times right away since it was heading into the winter. So expect that to happen. But then by the late spring/early summer, it was fine and she's hardly ever sick anymore.

Umm wow! I was a nanny for over 5 years and I never, ever got perks like this! Granted I live in MI (also nannied in IL) so our living situations are different, but goodness. I got paid $325 per week for 2 kids. Most families did not pay me for days I was not there, or I had to "make up" a day on the weekend to get my full weeks pay. I would get cash to take the kids to lunch, museums etc but that was usually about $20 a week, and some weeks nothing. I used my own car, gas etc to do these things. I would say these nannies are asking a bit much.

This wasn't our experience at all!! I think it can be tricky to generalize based on secondhand info!

@Anagram: We didn't experience either of those with anyone we've worked with? There are definitely bad nannies out there! Maybe we just got lucky...

Oh my. I really hate when nannies go and do things like that, it gives the rest of us a bad name. I used to work on the east coast through some very high end agencies and I worked for a few very well off families. The pool of "ideal" nannies is small, some people are very willing to pay extra for college educated, nannies who have English as a first language and early childhood education backgrounds in addition to experience and the ability to present themselves in a way that represents the family well.

The jobs in that market are few and far between and EXTREMELY demanding. Most of the people making that kind of money and getting those perks are earning every red cent. The issue arises when the nannies forget that and decide they want an easy job and the same pay. (My guess is this nanny started off wonderful and became jaded, she wants the same pay/perks and none of the craziness.)

I interviewed for a position that actually paid more than what you quoted but it would have been torture. It was 35 hours a week but you had to be on call 80 hours a week during which time you could be no more than 15 minutes from the house. The mom was very up front about the fact that if she got a phone call she would expect the nanny to just be there to intercept the child.

Ultimately I settled on a position that paid a bit less but was still 55+ hours a week working a split shift Tues-Sat and frequently traveling for weeks at a time. In many ways it was wonderful, but it was also very hard. Working that type of schedule it is hard to go out with friends or travel for weekends to see family etc. It was worth it for me but I only did it for a few years.

In short, those nannies are jaded-- and not the ones you want to hire. I now very happily work for about half of what I was once paid and I love it. I would not trade my current situation in for another one of the crazy situations for any amount of money. Great nannies who fit your needs are out there and I don't think many hide it if they have odd demands. I actually do tell parents up front that outside activities are a must for me-- I don't want to spend weeks getting settled with a family and telling other families I can't work for them only to find out that something that is a deal breaker for me isn't an option with them. (I do however seek out the free and super cheap options.)

I hope you are able to find the perfect situation for your family!

@Anagram: SLC from big Mormon families (though our nanny isn't Mormon)

@Anagram: who knew so many hoboken Mom's on here! We moved from hoboken to Montclair in August, to have our first baby and because we needed more space. I've heard nightmares about nannies in Hoboken and the crazy expense. In our nanny search in the burbs, we have yet to come across anyone with those demands. In fact, I interviewed someone from Jersey City yesterday and was surprised she wasn't looking in Hoboken where she could def make more money. I should note that we dont need anyone full time yet ( I work from home), so I feel most of the benefits don't pally. Anyhow, you should check out care.com, there are plenty of people looking for jobs and you will undoubtedly find someone who is reasonable.

I'm sorry so many people have negative views of nannies. Nannies are not for everyone & for the average family, cost prohibitive. I don't see anything wrong with requesting a living wage. Nannies have bills, too. It's expected that I drive a nice car to transport the kids in, I can't drive a cheap little corolla. I don't get breaks where I can run out & taking a sick day is a huge deal, so I can't take a random day off like most people. Your nanny can make your life run so much more smoothly, you take care of her & she'll take care of you. The families I worked for, we've gone through so much, daycare <edited>, won't rock you dog during thunder storms and give it seizure meds every couple hours, they won't be there for every birthday party and recital, they don't make sure dinner is on the table each night, that the perfect gift is bought & wrapped for parties & they don't memorize all your kids' favorite stories- I do. There are crappy nannies out there, I know many! But there are lots of great nannies. Not everyone is looking for someone to fill all those rolls, that's okay, because there are other people who need a nanny, and I will fall madly in love with them as a family & do whatever I can for them, and they will appreciate what I do, often they show it with generous gifts and a living wage.

I'm in a big nanny city (Chicago) and have heard similar stories. We almost did a nanny share for LO, but lucked out with our daycare which I got our spot right near the end of my maternity leave. I got hooked up with a possible nanny share thanks to a neighborhood website which is an invaluable resource for Chicago parents.

I have a friend whose a former nanny. She said that the nanny share is the hardest thing ever. When I went to afternoon tea about 2.5 months pp, she gave me amazing tips on tummy time and sleep for LO when we were in our desperate sleep phase.

I hate hearing childcare workers talk about "raising your child." It's really unfair to the working parents who grapple enough with guilt of working. Another thing that annoys me is the talk of colds in the daycare environment versus nanny. We have friends whose husband stayed at home with son until he reached preschool age recently. He's been complaining on FB about his son's colds. We suffered through months of daycare colds and survived. It sucks, but it's the reality of kids in a public environment. End rant.

For our daycare teachers, my mom made some bags. I plan on giving giftcards and chocolates in them for Christmas.

The materialistic types of nannies didn't scare me when I lived in the city. It was the fact that I was trusting one sole person to care of my baby in my own home for 40-50 hours a week... We're pretty private people and I just didn't feel comfortable with that type of situation and level of trust as a FTM. We opted for daycare at the end of my maternity leave (at around 7 months pp).

As DD grew older though, we DID end up going the nanny route. One, because she was getting really sick from daycare, and I met a nanny through an agency who I had to use for back-up a few times. I thought, since I found someone I actually liked and trusted, and to save DD's health a bit, let's go for it. It worked out for a few months until we ended up finding an even more EXCELLENT live-in nanny from the Philippines (where our parents were raised). So we had a live-in for almost a year until DD was old enough for preschool. So I went from being super anti-nanny, to having a really awesome nanny situation.

Our live-in was the exact opposite of these nannies you are describing. She was a very simple and humble woman who nannied/housekept for over 30-40 years since the age of 16. She took care of us as a family, and she was a part of our family. It was great because our families were 3,000 miles away at the time.

I have a feeling this blog you posted is just written by some crazy nanny who needs to get her thoughts and demands out there online for someone to read. When we were on the UWS, tons of moms followed and kept up with a blog named "I saw your nanny" where they'd post nannies talking on cell phones at the park or being rough with kids out in public. Nannies backlashed and started blogs about what it's like to nanny for some families and how they are treated day-to-day. It just seems like the voice behind this blog is just someone trying to get her side of the "nanny/mommy wars" out there.

There are good nannies everywhere, you just have to look in the right circles. It can be hard since you're new to the area and have just started building social connections. We were in the same boat at first until we got lucky with our live-in referral (we got through a family member's friend). But yes, daycare is a great option for babies and toddlers... More eyes on the child, and socialization is built right in!