Hellobee Boards

I didn't vote because I didn't like either of those options. Is it possible for your husband to look for another job in the area? Maybe you guys can move closer to his work, but still be within 1-2 hours of family and friends. I wouldn't want to move across country away from family and friends, but 1.5 hour commute for a job you don't like also sucks.

I voted for immediate family comes first. Depending on how bad your DH hates his job, it really can affect everything with your family. Good luck with whatever you choose!

@bloved: I know you said it is a lateral move for your husband but is he excited about the new position? If he is not excited about it, I would not move away from family and friends. I would definitely consider the move if it was a dream job for him.

We live away from family to live in area we love and have slightly better work life balance. To me, it would depend on whether I was excited about the new city/region in general. Moving just for a job/work life balance wouldn’t be enough but I would do it to live somewhere that appealed to me otherwise. Do you think you’d like the new area in terms of activities, types of people, etc?

We live hours from my parents and rest of my family, hours from my DW’s siblings and 45 mins away from the in laws. With little kids there is no way I would want to be further away. Sick days, babysitting, etc is super hard without family there. We have lots of friends with young kids but everyone is kinda doing their own thing and busy themselves so I think for us, the ‘village’ is not super helpful. Meaning, I am not comfortable getting my friends to babysit to have a date night when they already have their own kids and jobs to look after, or to come help if my kids are sick. I would look for something close to where you are.

I think there’s a lot to be said about getting out of a miserable commute / position. Also to trying something new! But I’d want dh to be excited about the future there. If this is lateral, what opportunities may be there in the next few years? Is it the kind of place he could move up? Does the COL help you out financially? What other opportunities might there be in the area if this doesn’t pan out as he thought it would in the future?

We moved across the country to a place with no support, but we already didn’t live near family and were used to moving a lot so it’s hard for me to factor that piece in. It was a great bump for dh and it gave us the chance for me to stay home between the bump and improved COL, something we both wanted as we got to kid #2. The company and job kind of stalled though so after about 2 years he switched to a new company - this area has a ton of growth which is a great perk. Unfortunately now he has a bad commute and is rarely home when kids are awake, so I’m hoping another job change comes up eventually, but it works for now. I will say though, although I don’t see this as a forever home or area for us I’m also hesitant to move again, even to the other side of the metro area. It’s hard to start over making friends for you and the kids. I don’t regret the move we made but it has to be worth it in the big picture which doesn’t sound clear for you yet.

@bloved: we can be neighbors wall me if you have specific questions about area or the company etc

How specific is your job? Can you realistically find something in your field?

I'd move and try it for 18 months. Then make a decision. I encourage your in-laws to do several long stays (like pay for an AirBnB) before they move. FWIW, my grandma retired to WI and we thought age was nuts, but she loved it. And I loved Milwaukee. It's a good place to move.

We have no real "support network" just people we know and one family member that helps an hour away. We stayed here for dh's job so I get it though. It's not easy. How old are your kids? Are they already in school? Because as a kid I also moved for a temporary "let's see if it works" kind of situation and that sucked a lot. It doesn't sound to me to be enough to motivate me to move unless you seriously can have a future in your job there. But it's really about preferences. I think if possible my solution would be finding a place closer to your husband's current job.

@ChiCalGoBee: that’s a good point about holidays. We also have to travel every holiday to see family and it’s such a PITA. We’ve tried to say we are staying here and people come to us but my grandparents are elderly and can’t make the trip and cousins live much too far and would need to stay in a hotel. So, we end up travelling as we are the ones that are far with everyone else clustered together. We are also having our second baby due start of September and arranging care for our 3.5 year old has also been stressful as someone needs to get here possibly at any time of day or night. There’s no contest to me, family close by is invaluable.

@bloved: We moved two years ago, and it ended up being a pretty easy decision for us. The situation was a little different, though, since we didn't have family close by (though we did have a wonderful network of friends we loved) and we did have my BIL and SIL, plus a few friends that happened to be in our new area, so we weren't 100% starting over. At the end of the day, I have to put the well being of my immediate family as a whole as my #1 priority- but of course, you're right in that your network materially impacts the well being of your immediate family in non trivial ways!

For us, we made a weighted pro/con list. We sat down, and listed every big and small thing we could think of as a pro for moving, and everything we could think of as a con. Then, we went through and assigned each item a weight (so leaving our community was weighted way higher than say, the inconvenience of moving). It was super helpful to then add up the columns and see which way the numbers fell for us, as was the process of hearing from each other how much we valued, say, how unhappy my husband was at work (very) and how scared I was to move (less so). In the end of course, we wouldn't have let the number dictate a decision, but when we saw the numbers favored moving, and we both felt at peace with that outcome, we knew what to do. Anyway, I offer that as one possible tool for how to help decide! Good luck!