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Hi again! DS2 is also going through this. This was about the time we started teaching DS1 about boundaries. We started by telling him to say, "no, thank you!" firmly when someone is doing something he doesn't like, and we immediately stop. So if we're tickling him, and he doesn't like it, we tell him to say, "no, thank you!" and stop immediately.

If it's a private part, we'll tell him that it's for his eyes only and he shouldn't show it to others. If he would lift up my shirt, I'd also say, "no, thank you." and tell him when someone says that to him, he has to stop just like we stop when he says it.

He caught on really quickly, and DS2 is testing boundaries. He understands when we say, "no, thank you." but he's in his defiant stage where he's challenging everything we do to see if we'll really do it. Follow through is super important with DS2. We let him know if he continues to do it, we'll put him in time-out. And we follow through regardless of where we are. If we're in a store, I drop everything and bring him outside, stand him against a wall and let him wail as people are staring at us. But he fully understands what he did wrong and doesn't do it again.

@Mrs. Turtle: Gah...not being able to do time out is tough. Any sort of discipline is tough with anxiety. You don't want to take a toy or a lovey away in fear that she'll have that anxiety.

This probably isn't the best approach, but we power through diaper changes. We'll explain that his butt or penis will hurt if we don't change his diaper. If he still protests, we get it over with as quickly as possible. I know that goes way against consent, but until he's potty trained, I don't know how else to handle.

@Mrs. Turtle: I think as a parent, there are some things where your LO doesn’t get a say with you. They don’t get to say no about diaper changes, baths, dr appts, dentist etc from you or people that you say are safe people.

@MrsRoo: We haven't implemented asking for permission, but I've been very vocal with my kids about stopping with someone says "no" or "stop" and then will ask them things like "How do you feel when so-and-so hugs you and won't stop when you ask? It's not nice, right? That's why it's important to respect other people's space and listen to what they say." Sometimes when I pick up my kids from daycare, one of their friends will try to chase them around to get a hug and my kid will avoid it and I'll be very vocal "No thank you, Friend's Name. Xander doesn't want a hug right now!" And never forcing my kids to hug or kiss others (even grandparents) I think goes a long way to teaching them about consent.

We are going through this too via feedback from school for my 2.5 year old. She is an "aggressive hugger". Her excitement builds and she just goes all in for a hug, especially during music/dance classes. We have been working on "keeping hands on our own bodies" and asking for permission before she hugs but ooof it's hard. She isn't a snuggle bug but she is so high energy and it just bursts and tackle-hugs kids. I would imagine it totally freaks them out. She's the youngest in the class too, which doesn't help (or maybe it will help). So hard.

@Mrs. Turtle: re: a diaper change. There was an article about sexual abuse conversations in the most recent link roundup. It talked about safe/unsafe touches, and how no one is supposed to touch your private areas in less it is to keep you clean (ie a diaper change!) or healthy. I thought that was a simple matter of fact way of putting it!

We have taught our LOs that as soon as they say “I don’t like that”, we immediately stop. And we make sure our family members respect the same boundaries...so no, auntie, you can’t keep tickling him after he says “I don’t like that”. We expect him to give us the same consideration (to stop a certain behavior, like jumping all over me, when I ask him to).

Also, we do not force him to give hugs/kisses to any family member. Ever. It’s always his choice.

ETA link: https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/kids-parenting/how-to-protect-children-abuse