Hellobee Boards

D is going through the SAME thing. Turned 4 in January and oh.my.god. A friend once told me that there's the Terrible Twos, the Threenager year, and then the F*ckin Fours. I thought she was crazy, but....yeah. SAME exact thing - tantrums, crying over the littlest things, wanting to be carried. Basically, acting like a baby. I thought maybe it was just because his 1yo sister is SUPER needy, so he was acting like a baby to get attention, but maybe it's just an age thing. It is so frustrating.

Tonight, when he was standing in front of me, arms up, and just whining/fussing like he wanted me to pick him up, I told him, "I don't respond to a 4 year old acting like this. I pick up A (his sister) because she's 1 and doesn't talk yet. You are 4. You can talk. When you can use your words and tell me what you need, then I will listen." I walked away and he just followed me, whining even more. 6 months ago, that would have worked. UGH!

So I can't offer any advice, just commiseration!

I, too, have been wondering wtheck is going on w my newly 4 year old. All of a sudden he is telling me every morning that he doesn't want me to go to work and cries and screams. He's been rough w his toys. Saying no to things with attitude. I thought he was grouchy because maybe he was about to get sick or something...then after a week of no sickness I started wondering if maybe it was like the wonder weeks that babies go through.

My 4 year old is going through a challenging phase too. I just finished reading the book "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" and found it really helpful and practical. The main premise is acknowledging feelings rather than trying to change them which is what it sounds like you've been doing (i.e. reasoning, time outs, ignoring). The whole first chapter is "Tools for Handling Emotions."

I really recommend reading it but to give an example, if he's acting babyish and wants to be carried, you might "give in fantasy what you cannot give in reality." This might mean saying "I wish I had super-human strength like The Hulk and could carry you around all the time! I could carry you to the grocery store, and the library, and the playground," and see how he reacts. If necessary, you could say "Even though you know it hurts my back to carry you for too long, you still want to be carried!" They give a lot of other tips if acknowledging feelings alone doesn't work, but that's the first step.

I am so not perfect with this and still find my patience wearing thin, but it helps to have a few more tools to use.

https://www.amazon.com/Talk-Little-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1501131656

I'm so glad I found this thread! My almost 4 year old daughter has been a nightmare these last couple of weeks. She has always been intense but oh my Lord she is like a moody teenager... She stomps about, huffing, pouting, yelling at us, refusing to do anything we ask her to do, slamming doors, throwing things down, screaming, growling.... She is never happy. You can't even hold her hand without her whining you've hurt her finger, or hurt her leg. She screams in FURY if you pull her hair a bit while brushing. She has never enjoyed food but now she barely eats anything - she claims not to like everything, even things she used to eat. She has started wetting herself again. And on Friday she bit another child at school and drew blood I was starting to wonder if she might be emotionally disturbed.... But could it just be normal?

No advice but we are going through similar things. 4 has been challenging.