Hi all,
We are having some big time sleep issues with our 3.5 year old and I'm honestly at my wits end. My daughter has never been an awesome sleeper, but from the time we sleep trained at 12 months old until now we could reliably count on her to mostly sleep throughout the night for around 11-12 hours. The past month, we have been dealing with motn wake ups and the past 2 weeks they have really ramped up. The other night she was up 6 times (!!), 2 of which lasted over an hour. That night she got 7.5 hours of sleep 
After that night, we instituted a reward system, which we told her if she stayed in bed all night without crying she could pick out a small toy out of our dollar store prize box. That worked for 2 nights and she's back at it again. She calls out for water, snacks, I'm ready to get up, I dropped my blanket, I'm hot, I'm cold, and of course the whole time she just gets more and more pissed that we aren't coming in there to help her. We haven't gone in there the last 4 nights at all, and we have done a lot of talking during the day about how its important to sleep, mom and dad are sleeping, we will come and get you in the morning when your light turns on, etc. I know she is just boundary testing, but does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? I hate leaving her in there to cry, but us going in there isn't helping either and we are all tired. This is her schedule--bedtime is 7:30 pm, usually asleep by 7:45. She no longer naps, and hasn't since June. We do still do a quiet time for around 45 minutes, and she never even attempts to fall asleep. We have to wake up at 7 am for school, and on non school days she will usually sleep until 7:30. Thanks guys!
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We gave in long ago. We don't have many MOTN waking but for us we need to just lie with him until he falls asleep. We asked around and pretty much all of our friends with 3 year olds are doing the same thing.
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I think you're doing fine and would just stay consistent about not going in. The most I would do is talk through the monitor and say it's time to sleep.
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@ellewoods84: Our 3.5 year old just went through this too. We had previously tried a sun/moon light on a timer similar to the ok to wake clock idea. It was a failure before, but we pulled it out in desparation and for some reason now it clicked with him. He knows that if he wakes up and the moon is blue, it is time to sleep. Have you tried anything like the ok to wake clock?
That, and a protein heavy snack right before bed, and things are back to normal most nights.
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Following - we struggled with this too for many weeks around age 2.75/3 then had to succumb to lying with him to fall asleep. Though ours is bwcause our LO (3.9 now) is afraid of shadows in his room. Sometimes we will let him fall asleep in our bed then transfer him after he's out (which only takes him like two seconds if he falls asleep in our bed compared to hour plus in his own
) other nights my husband will end up falling asleep with him in his room. We
Did rewards but that was only a short term win. It's super tricky and since all of this coincided with a new sibling arriving we have not pushed too hard. But hoping like hell he starts liking his room again as currently we are all rooming in together and I'm nostalgic for his baby days when he was an angel sleeper and I had more room
In the bed!!! -
We use the okay to wake clock which doesn't help him fall back asleep but it does lessen the yelling for us at 4am when he's up for the day. We do go in there and tuck him back in treating every wakeup like a motn. Honestly his sleep is so bad that we are seeing a specialist ina few weeks to do a sleep study. He's clearly exhausted all day and needs more sleep but for some reason he just can't.
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We had a similar issue with our 2.75 yo and MOTN wakings, coinciding with a new baby coming home. A few nights he literally slept worse than our newborn. We had a sticker chart, prizes, okay to wake clock, nightlight, etc etc. The only that worked was letting him CIO. Every time we went in, it started the process over again and ramped things up. Honestly, if you haven't gone in there the last 4 nights, I would stick with that. You may be at the extinction burst and going in again may undo that work. It only took us about 3 nights of CIO (basically a long weekend) and he's been (knock on wood) back to his usual awesome sleeping self since we did. Even last night, he woke up at 10pm because he dropped his lovey out of bed - we went in to check on him, tucked him back in, and he went back to sleep. A few months ago, that would have led to an hour-long battle. I seriously credit the CIO!
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Two things to possibly consider, does she need to use the bathroom and is she hungry?
When I addressed these two things with my son, we had easier nights. My son is going through a night waking phase right now at almost age 7, but when he wakes up it is usually because he needs to use the bathroom or because he's hungry.
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We had some sleep issues with my four year old waking up in the very early morning and having trouble going back to sleep (though not as extreme as what you are describing! that sounds so hard, I"m sorry!!). We found that giving her a bedtime snack helped significantly. So she'd eat dinner (in our house she doesn't get a choice about dinner, so sometimes she doesn't eat very much!) at 5:30 or 6:00 and then while we were reading stories on the couch I'd give her toast with butter and some warm milk with honey. I didn't give her any choices about the snack, but she would gobble it up. It actually really helped with falling asleep and with the early morning wakings (I think she was hungry and therefor having trouble falling back asleep- she was also adjusting to the new baby, so there was other stuff- but at least this way I knew she wasn't that hungry).
we did the snack for about a month and it sort of fell out of our routine, but the sleep issues haven't returned. So- it could have been a coincidence, or it could have been a growth spurt, or who knows.
But I do know my daughter felt like I was trying to figure out how to help her sleep better.oh- we also tried doing a little nightlight on a timer, but it doesn't help that much (its set for 6;30). if she wants to get up early she does. it worked maybe twice.
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We had the same problem at that age. My almost four year old was sleeping way worse than my 1 year old. Mostly we just ride it out but things that I think helped some are- ok to wake clock (which we have had for years), making sure she eats enough at dinner- even if that means giving her yogurt or something when she refuses to eat what I made, sticker chart for when she stays in her room until her clock lights up, and the hall pass thing- she’s “allowed” to get up once (plus potty). We tried a doorknob cover to lock her in but she figured it out in two minutes.
When she does get up we just bring her back to bed and try to be calm (which is really hard in the middle of the night). It’s a pretty crappy phase!
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@oskarsmommy: Well, this phase sucks and I hate to see anyone else going through it also. I'm glad you don't have too many MOTN wakings though, we are just so tired.
@gingerbebe: Yeah, I think ignoring this behavior is the only solution. We have always been consistent about her sleep, which is what is making this so incredibly frustrating. She is just SO stubborn.
@Tanjowen: We have not tried to okay to wake clock, but I did order one last night. We have told her something similar as we have her light on a timer as it is and told her that she cannot call for us/cry until her bunny light turns on and she doesn't seem to care...but I am desperate at this point.
@Nutella: So sorry you guys are struggling also. It is SO frustrating. Seems like there are some good suggestions from others though worth trying! I hope it gets better for you soon.
@Modern Daisy: We ordered an okay to wake clock and hopefully it will be here by tomorrow. Sorry you guys are struggling also, I hope they have some helpful answers for you. We are at that point where we just don't know who to turn to for help, because she is clearly EXHAUSTED and just is having some real issues with staying asleep!
@jape14: I am feeling that CIO might be the only way, and I am sticking with it. I'm just hoping to see some improvement soon.
@looch: I do not think she has to go potty. She still wears a pull up at night and has never said she has to go when she's calling for us. I never considered she might be hungry? She usually eats a pretty decent dinner, but I think I might try adding a snack in when we are reading books before bed to see if that helps. Thanks for the advice!
@Silva: Someone else suggested a snack before bed and I think I will try that for the next couple nights and see if that helps! She usually eats a pretty decent dinner, but it definitely doesn't hurt to try. Thank you for the advice! This sleep stuff is just so frustrating.
@Foodnerd81: Just the WORST! I am sure it is a phase, and we just have to stay consistent, but come on! Luckily, she does not ever get out of bed (YET, knock on wood), but she just cries and cries for hours. Like stop, we aren't coming....its just exhausting and sad all at the same time. Thank you for the tips, I have an okay to wake clock on order, and I am hoping it helps a bit.
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No advice, just commiseration. I’m in the same boat. My 2.25 year old is up for hours at night and we’ve tried the okay to wake, a night light, door monkey, glowing/singing stuffed animals, cosleeping, rewards, bribes, sleep lady shuffle, CIO with check, CIO extinction, earlier/later bedtimes, no nap, longer/shorter/earlier naps, and honestly nothing has worked for us. Her sleep has gotten worse and worse over the last six months (DD2 was born 4 months ago). I’m so tired!
@Tanjowen: what kinds of snacks do you give before bed?
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@ellewoods84: @newlypregnantlady: We do a banana or a spoonful of peanut butter, with a small cup of milk. Then we brush teeth and hop into bed.
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I'm sorry, this is tough! Did it start suddenly? Do you think some illness or schedule change could be setting it off?
I wonder, if ignoring this for a few more days does not help, if it would help you to go in when she starts carrying on, but tell her you'll only stay if she lies down and stays quiet. Not that hanging out next to a whining toddler in the middle of the night is fun, but if she's like my DD, ignoring her will just make it 100 times worse. I can usually calm her down if I sit with her for a while, but if no one comes in she just goes 0 to 60 and everyone's night is ruined anyway. We did sleep train, so usually if she wakes now there's a reason - she just doesn't see fit to tell us what it is until the next day
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