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The no remorse part bothers me. I work mostly with victims of domestic abuse and the repeat offenders we see are the ones that have no remorse for their actions. It would matter to me if he was either forced to seek help (via a court system) or sought help. I think children watch the entire families responses in these situations, just as you mentioned. I would totally cut him out of my kids lives until he shows remorse and takes action and tries to improve himself. Sorry you are having to go through this

I've cut all ties with my mother. She is an alcoholic/ drug addict, currently her vice is pain pills. I now have a 7 month old, but I decided that when I was about 5 months pregnant, she would never be a part of my sons life. She has been in and out of countless rehabs, jails and different men's houses. Looking back now as a mother I can say there are things from my childhood I will never forgive my mother for. I know it will make me seem cold but I give exacly ZERO fucks for people who are unwilling to help themselves. I'm still a little bitter obviously, but I've come to terms with the fact that my mother will never care for anyone, not even herself, and my child should never have to see that. I know later I will have to answer questions for him. But in my opinion better to answer those questions, and him never know her, than for him have to watch my mother kill herself with drugs and alcohol.

This is a contentious topic in our household. No one else in DH's family will acknowledge that his father is an alcoholic. I have made it quite clear that he will never be alone with our kids and will never drive them anywhere. I leave that up to DH to enforce. I've also realized that I need to make sure we don't have readily accessible alcohol in our house when they visit. I think you should trust your gut. Some people may think I'm controlling or overreacting but these are my kids and I will do whatever I think is right to keep them safe - physically, emotionally.

My FIL is an alcoholic. I've met him once. He wasn't invited to our wedding, and he's never met our two children. It's a sad situation, and he's never been physically violent, but he was a terrible father to DH growing up and he is just not able to control himself at all and has said very hurtful things over the past few years. DH talks to him on the phone maybe once a year and it always goes poorly. It's not easy but I think it's better this way. Good luck with whatever you decide to do - I know for me, physical violence like that with no remorse would be the end of his contact with my kids.