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I'm a pretty rude person when it comes to stuff like this and I would probably turn to her and say "I didn't tell you how to raise your son."

I'm sure other bees have much more tactful ways of dealing with this situation Sorry I can't be a better help!

@grizz: Yikes! What does your husband think of her comments?

ETA: Before it goes any further. I think you need to sit down and have a talk with her - mother to mother. And tell her that, while she is entitled to her opinions, you don't appreciate her condescending tone. Tell her that the great thing about a being a mother is raising YOUR child how YOU want to, regardless of what other people think. And I would tell her that she can either respect how you are PLANNING to deliver/raise your child and keep her comments to herself, or she will have limited visiting time with her grandchild.

Whoa. There are no words. I probably would have blown up at her way before now, so major props for your patience level. But seriously! Do older generations really think that no research has been done in the last 30 years that *might* give you a better idea on what to do for the baby? Oi. Sorry you are having to deal with that.

Yikes. I'm sorry. I thought my MIL was bad.... I would ignore her. I let my husband deal with his mother - so now most comments go his way & he doesn't even tell me half the stuff she says...

and that c-section comment is CRAZY! and i would definitely not allow 30-odd visitors to visit a newborn!

again - i'm sorry.

Also...My MIL said that line "over my dead body" about ds one day (he's 5), but he had mentioned that when he's big enough he wants to go on a certain big roller coaster at an amusement park nearby. (it'll be a few years, lol). She said the "dead body" line, right after I said, "sure, as long as you're big enough". I had to give her a dirty look that said, "who do you think you are?" But, my MIL is good about backing off when I don't like what she's saying, lol.

Just bugs me when she tries to over ride me on stuff...it goes that way with spoiling, though, too...I'll say no, and she'll hand over what he's asking for right in front of me. Drives me nuts. I hope it doesn't get worse for you when your baby is older! You need to assert yourself before you get to *this* point!

@grizz: Ahh...this is another thing my mom is obsessed over. She insisted that I couldn't breastfeed and that he wasn't getting enough when I did. She wanted him on cereal within 2 months. I did everything I could to prove her wrong and breastfed for 3.5 months until I couldn't keep up with his demand anymore. And LO is exactly 50th percentile at every appointment for weight. Stick to your guns!!!

@grizz: I added some to my comment. It's time you had a talk with her.

IT'S NOT HER BABY!!!

Definitely let your husband deal with her. In terms of you speaking to her, just say "that's nice" or "we'll think about it" and completely ignore it.

I think it's time for a serious sit-down conversation reminding her that this is YOUR child, and YOUR decisions should be respected.
Tell her it bothers you that she criticizes your parenting choices and even though you know she just wants what is best for baby, so do you - and since you are the parent, you get to decide what is best.
Ask her to keep her opinions to herself when she doesn't like your choices, and respect your decisions, or you will start spending less time with her because this is effecting you negatively and you have to do what is best for YOUR family.

My DH always comes back to these comments from his parents armed with pages of research and studies, but you know what? He shouldn't have to. We shouldn't have to prove to them that our decisions are valid - this is OUR child! Whatever choices we make, regardless of whether they agree, they need to respect. I don't ask them to agree with us, but they still need to respect us.

My default is to smile sweetly and say "thank you, I'll keep that in mind." or, "I'm going to try it this way, but if it doesn't work maybe I'll try that. It's amazing how different things work on different babies!" and then change the subject. I don't bother correcting them or trying to explain my choices. That way she feels heard and that I'm not insulting her parenting. I've had good results with it!

Ditto all the PP's advice and a witty meme

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this! Your husband really needs to step up and confront her. She had her chance, she did a good job raising her son (I assume, since you married him!). Now it's your turn, and it's her turn to back off and just enjoy being a Grandma, not a parent. I know you say your husband isn't bothered by it, but 1) how is that possible? and 2) isn't he bothered by how upset it makes YOU?

Sounds just like my in laws too! My FIL wanted me to schedule a c section so he could be here for the birth!

Seriously though i learned it was just easier to listen and ignore vs argue with them. Now that LO is here I tell them I will think about what they had to say, then i ignore it.

@grizz: I remember your post the other day, your MIL is waaay out of line! I think you have two tasks unfortunately: getting MIL to back off AND getting DH to stand up for you more and see your point of view. Could you talk to MIL yourself? Let her know you value her place as grandma but feel upset she's disregarding your opinions as a parent? Thank goodness you have all the nurses to help you out with the hospital issues. Ha I want to speak to your MIL for you, lol.

@grizz: Smart move

@grizz: Can you show your dh THIS post? Maybe if he sees how other people are reacting to your MIL, he might realize you're not the only one thinking these things. Or, be talking about it IRL to someone with him around...someone he respects, to get a reaction out of them in front of him. Maybe he just doesn't realize how crazy this is making you?

Omg, please don't let him convince you to let the reunion caravan descend upon you after birth. If he insists, make him read the lemon clot essay: http://www.geekinheels.com/2010/05/15/the-lemon-clot-essay.html

@NerdBee: Awesome - that is SO true.