Hellobee Boards

@grizz: I pre-registered yesterday and they asked me the question about whether or not they could tell people I was there, and I definitely said a big fat NO!

My MIL is horrible. And honestly, if we saw her as much you saw yours, I could probably say they were twins. Thankfully, DH is annoyed by her (and her creepster Husband too) so he has no problem only seeing them on holidays (which is taxing enough) and not talking to them except on rare occasion. My SIL informed me that when she came to see our nephew in the hospital she held him for 4 hours. FOUR! I already informed DH that this was not permitted, and he knows he has to stand up to her (which he'd prefer over me doing it). My mom, as close as we are, and as much as I love her, I fear will begin to react like your MIL when she finds out we don't want visitors until after LO is born!

I have no advice other than put your foot down NOW. Try to have an adult conversation (even though, based on what you say, I doubt it will matter) and then go from there.

@grizz: That's great, at least you can relax on that one a bit then. Gosh as if pregnancy/childbirth isn't stressful enough! Surely your MIL must remember that a little bit.... Really hope it all calms down for you soon!

Oh man! That's amazing stuff. I'm really sorry you're having to deal with that, and hope it's not taking away from what should be a joyful experience.

I'm all for keeping the peace as much as possible, so I like the suggestions of saying things like, "I'll keep that in mind," or "That's one way to look at it." Something that just shuts it down. Or say, "There are going to be some things that we do a little differently, just as I'm sure you did things a little differently from your parents. We've come to our decisions through careful research and consideration, and ask that you respect that."

At the same time, when she gets personal, like calling you selfish, I would be inclined to be direct and say something like, "That is a hurtful statement." People know when they're being rude, and when they're called out on it, it can be effective (it can also escalate things, so proceed with caution!)

I would ask my husband NOT to tell me anything crazy or rude she has said. What's the point?

On a light-hearted note, I saw a movie where a girl said she just imagines her parents are drunk to help her cope with when they say crazy stuff.

I hope you can explain to your husband how these are bothering you. Even if he doesn't believe it to be so, he should have a talk with his mom and tell her to cool it.

@Happygal: Haha...that's great advice (pretending your parents are drunk to better cope with what they say). I'm going to try to remember this one!

I think you and DH need to get on the same page about what is and isn't acceptable so you have confidence that she won't undermine your decisions.

My MIL was super sweet during my pregnancy but we had a really rough first year after LO was born. She's very thoughtful but she's used to things going according to her plans so I think it just was shocking to see DH and I not doing things the way she would. When LO was a couple months old DH took her aside and had a talk with her. It helped with my confidence for him to do that but the situation did not get better for awhile. She really had to adjust and accept that we may not agree with her on everything.

But she took awhile to accept it. So we stayed firm while she said all sorts of underhanded, really mean comments, we didn't decrease contact with them or anything like that, though she definitely watched LO less bc of some of her ideas. It's been a lot better recently so I'm hoping that it was just a long adjustment to us being parents.