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TTC After Loss Part II

  1. MrsJBeeG

    kiwi / 537 posts

    @periwinklebee: thank you for sharing your experience. I wish I could feel the inadulterated joy I felt the last time. But I can’t. I was really feeling scared this morning. Talked to the nurse when I went in to confirm the pregnancy at my clinic and she helped me a lot. I’m feeling better but know I’ll be really scared before my first appointment. I will seek to enjoy the joy when I feel it too.

  2. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3261 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: The good nurses are the best! Thinking of you as you wait for the first appointment, I know it can feel like an eternity

  3. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    This comment has been deleted by the original poster.

  4. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4266 posts

    @PeaceLily: so much for a long hard road. But i do know another bee who treated her ureaplasma and got pregnant the next cycle! She was also doing iuis i think for if and loss. I hope that is your story soon too

  5. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    This comment has been deleted by the original poster.

  6. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3261 posts

    @PeaceLily: I'm really sorry that it's been such a long road That sucks.

    I have wondered before what role non-symptomatic infections could play in unexplained IF, though I don't know about those infections specifically. I've heard so many stories about people who have a hard time initially, then later get pregnant very quickly, or the other way around, and it does make a lot of sense that infections could play a role in some of these cases. I really, really hope that the antibiotics do the trick for you and your husband. I would be sure to take some probiotics - or eat probiotic-rich food - along with them if you're not already, as sometimes they can throw off the good bacteria/pH as well.

  7. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @periwinklebee: Thank you! We are both taking probiotics so hopefully they help replenish some good bacteria. It's been so tough having failed fertility treatments, but at least we have a possible reason why they haven't worked yet. I'm praying the antibiotics clear everything up and we'll be back to normal soon. This has really been affecting all areas of my life lately. I've lost weight and haven't slept past 3am in weeks. It's taking a toll and I'm ready for this to be behind us.

    I came across a few articles that mentioned the link between unexplained infertility and infections. It seems to be more common than people realize and is often a quick fix. The bacteria in your body really needs to be in balance to conceive and that's been a struggle for me since my D&E.

    I hope you're doing well!

  8. crazydoglady

    persimmon / 1478 posts

    @PeaceLily: I'm so sorry to jump in here and I hope your BFP is right around the corner, but I was wondering how you can get tested for these different infections. Would it be a papsmear or something? I've been trying to conceive for several months after having absolutely no issues with my first (I got pregant three times very easily but only one "stuck.") Sometimes I wonder if I have an infection because I had a fever when I delivered my son and they had to give me antibiotics while I was in labor. I can't help but wonder if that turned into an infection. Anyway, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here.

  9. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3261 posts

    @PeaceLily: Keeping all my fingers crossed that this will do the trick and that you're able to sleep better and feel better overall soon

  10. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    This comment has been deleted by the original poster.

  11. PeaceLily

    apricot / 360 posts

    @periwinklebee: Thank you! I'm praying this solves our problems.

  12. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    I'm not sure how many people are still around on this thread but I'm joining. I was a "graduate" of the prior iteration of this thread and then had my daughter followed by a loss last week.

    Date of loss: I had a D&C last Tuesday at 9 weeks when I went in for the first ultrasound and found the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and no heartbeat was detected.

    How long are you waiting to TTC again: I'm not supposed to try again until after my first post-D&C period but now my husband is finding himself in the camp 2 and through....

    Any kids: DS is 5.5 and DD is 13 months.

    How are you feeling? I'm a bit confused at the moment about what my plan is. I've always wanted 3 but I had two losses (one natural at 6 weeks and one D&C at 9 weeks) before my daughter and then this recent loss and I'm trying to decide whether I want to chance all of the issues again. I just turned 38 and a big part of me keeps thinking that I'm getting too old for this. However, I have always imagined going through pregnancy and the newborn stage with the knowledge that this is the last time so the thought that I won't experience those times again saddens me. I think this last loss is really making my husband over this whole stage... which I get. Emotionally, I'm doing ok post-loss. I think having a nearly identical experience back in December 2015 and knowing that I ended up with an amazing daughter afterwards has helped give me perspective. I'm just trying to find peace with whatever is the right decision for me and my family.

  13. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4266 posts

    @Shantuck: so many hugs

    The “what next” question is really hard, and i think it definitely evolves over time. We were also trying for #3 during our last loss, and after my d&c dh was so not into trying again but i convinced him. And then we didn’t get another bfp for months and months and wondered should we just be thankful for what we have. Just recently i talked to him about quitting because now i was over the roller coaster - and he wanted to keep trying. I guess my point is, if you aren’t sure maybe leave the door open at least. It is such a hard decision when you know that loss is a real possibility, i have age as a factor too. Sending you peace as you figure it out

  14. karenbme

    apricot / 372 posts

    @Shantuck: So sorry. Unfortunately, I can't be much help on what to do about trying vs. not. I don't have any other children yet, and if we want kids we have to bite the bullet and keep going. DH is ready, I'm really not, but feel like I have to. One of the things that's been really helpful though is trying to think about it long term--envisioning holidays 10 or 15 or 30 years from now, because right now it's really hard, but thinking about the payoff over the long term definitely helps me see the value in continuing to try. I imagine that's different once you have children already, but it might be a place to start for both you and your husband to try and make the decision about whether the rollercoster is worth it.

  15. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    @karenbme: I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I can only imagine how discouraging it must be to have such a horrible experience the first time you TTC.

    I think my husband will get back on board. We're a week out from the D&C and it's been a rough month or so with the kids we do have. Our 13 month old missed a week of daycare for some awful stomach bug two weeks ago and has been super clingy to me ever since, our 5 year old has a miserable cold and has been a bit of a tyrant, and I felt so awful for the last 5ish weeks, that I've barely been able to carry my weight around the house in addition to it being my busy time at work. I think if we can get everybody well and life returns to normal, we probably won't feel so overwhelmed with our current life situation.

  16. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4266 posts

    ETA guess i posted in the wrong thread ... sorry!

    Ok ladies need some Doppler input. I’m almost 10w which is around the time trouble started appearing in my last loss. So that’s on my mind a ton. But i can’t decide if a Doppler will make things better or worse. I keep wondering what i would do if i couldn’t find the hb one time and how much i would freak out perhaps for nothing. It’s 2w until my next appt.

    What was your experience if you used one? Did it cause extra anxiety too?

  17. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    For those that have had a D&C, I’m curious how long it took for your hcg levels to zero out and your period to return (I know that your period can return before the hcg levels zero out). Last time I did this, my period returned 30 days later and my hcg levels were at a 4 on day 1 of my period. This time I’m 30 days out and still getting positive hpt’s and my period is nowhere in sight. My doctor wanted me back this week to check hcg levels but it seems like a waste of time/money since I know they are still lingering so I’ve been delaying.

  18. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4266 posts

    @Shantuck: for me, 6 weeks to get a period. I’m pretty sure i ovulated around 4 weeks but i was still getting light positive hpts until around the period (though i still saw an opk get blazing dark when i had signs and tested). I think it dropped fairly quickly around the time i got my period but it wasn’t fast at first. I never had a beta done to check it though, I’m basing this on wondfos.

  19. bhbee

    grapefruit / 4266 posts

    Also my ob told me to expect 5-6 weeks for a period, so maybe plan to go in after that if no af?

  20. periwinklebee

    GOLD / pomegranate / 3261 posts

    @Shantuck: I had a (fairly heavy) period after 3.5 weeks, which is a normal cycle length for me, but was still getting a positive hpt *after* my period. I made a thread about it back then and apparently this is fairly common. I had to track hcg pretty closely because of the nature of the loss, and I think by 5-6 weeks it was around 10-15.

  21. skinnycow

    persimmon / 1499 posts

    @Shantuck: Sorry for your loss

    My period came back about 5 weeks post D&C (hcg was 45k before procedure). I didn't have betas done afterward.

  22. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    Thanks all. I’m just impatient, it appears! Sounds like I’m still in the normal range.

  23. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    And just like that, 33 days post-d&c, AF has returned.

  24. karenbme

    apricot / 372 posts

    Not sure if anyone is still active on here, but want to vent some anxiety. DH and I started trying again this month, and I am so anxious about the whole process. My cycle's been all over the place and I yo-yo between being optimistic and feeling like there's no way it's going to happen again right now because my body just isn't normal. In a normal cycle I would expect to ovulate Thursday or Friday, and I'm trying not to think about it, but can't help stressing about what's happening in my body. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to distract myself from the stress of putting myself out there again?

  25. skinnycow

    persimmon / 1499 posts

    @karenbme: I have no advice but I'm sorry We haven't started trying again and I already have anxiety just thinking about it. TTC and pregnancy are supposed to be exciting things and I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of it (for me at least).

    I also have my own vent. My little sister is (accidentally) pregnant and I really am happy for her but I'm having a hard time with it. She had her first ultrasound this week and she's starting to plan a gender reveal and it's just making me really, really sad. I'm not jealous exactly but I keep thinking that I'm the one that should be experiencing those things. It makes me feel like a terrible person.

  26. lilyofthewest

    pear / 1621 posts

    Hey folks. I've got some questions about repeat loss workup. 2 weeks ago I had a D&C for my 4th non-viable pregnancy this year.
    • The first was anembryonic
    • The 2nd was kind of mysterious. hCG levels got high enough that something should have been visible on ultrasound...but it never was. Fortunately pregnancy tissue was seen when I had a D&C and values fell afterwards.
    • The 3rd was ectopic, treated with methotrexate
    • The last one had cardiac motion at 5 and 6 weeks, but when I went back at 9 weeks, development had stopped sometime between 6 and 7 weeks.

    I was supposed to do repeat loss workup after the ectopic, but, I got pregnant again before it could happen. This time, I'm preventing until that workup can happen because the uncertainty and all the time spent dealing with appointments for miscarriage/ectopic management is getting really taxing.

    Did anyone's workup actually turn anything up?

    If there's something to fix, I would feel good about trying again. If there's something like a translocation where the odds are just abysmal, I could feel good about having an only.

    I'm not sure what to do if the workup turns up nothing (which I know is most likely).

  27. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    @karenbme: I think I might be the only other "active" person on this board these days. In addition to my recent loss, I had two losses before my daughter was born and it was really challenging to stay optimistic after that second loss. This probably makes me sound crazy but I watched the movie "The Secret" on Netflix after that second loss and decided I was going to try really hard to stay super positive.
    The movie is a documentary type movie that talks about the law of attraction so if you think positive, you are attracting positive things to happen to you. It sounds a little kooky but I had nothing to lose by trying it. I listened to really upbeat music, planned a fun weekend away with my husband, bought a bunch of cute new clothes, and just tried to focus on taking care of myself. The movie talks about having something tangible to remind yourself of the thing you are trying to achieve so I bought a baby onesie that said "Worth the Wait" on the front in anticipation of getting that rainbow baby (which my daughter wore home from the hospital eventually). Anyway, I get that it is difficult staying positive but I highly recommend doing things to take care of yourself - plan a trip, plan a night out with friends, etc. To a certain degree, you have to be aware of what your body is doing but an RE told me that as long as you are trying every other day for the period leading up to ovulation, you are covering all of your bases.

    As for me, I just got the call from my OB's office that my hcg levels have returned to zero (almost two months after my D&C!) but I'm pretty sure I ovulated last week so I won't be trying again until next month. I'll just enjoy my wine in the meantime!

  28. karenbme

    apricot / 372 posts

    @skinnycow: Grieving the joy you could have had doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you normal. I have multiple friends due +\- one month from when I would have been, and I've straight up stopped hanging out with them as a group because everything is about anatomy scans and glucose tests and how great it will be to all have kids the same age. Two of them know about my mc, but I don't want to keep them from being excited together. Long story short, I know exactly how you feel and it sucks that we have to go through it. I keep trying to tell myself that in a couple of years we'll all have kids close in age and it will be fine, but it isn't the same.

    @Shantuck: I'll have to check that out. I do believe that you get back the energy you put into the world. I'm super analytical by nature, thoug, and not having benchmarks to make sure things are on track is making it so hard to be positive. There's no way to measure incremental success or judge progress. And we've been doing everything we can it just feels so high stakes.

    @lilyofthewest: Sorry, to hear your story! I can't imagine what you've been through. I only had the one loss, so I can't really give advice. But my thoughts are with you.

  29. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    @skinnycow: My sister got pregnant quickly after my first two losses and I know exactly what you are talking about with feeling completely mixed about it. It wasn't jealously because I would never begrudge her that happiness but it was hard to see someone get so easily something I wanted so dearly. I did end up conceiving a few months after and now our kids are only a few months apart.

    @lilyofthewest: I never had a recurrent loss work-up. The tissue has been tested after each of my two D&C's (my first loss was a natural miscarriage) and all of my issues have been fluke chromosomal things. I have a diminished ovarian reserve and slightly elevated FSH, though, so my problems have been explainable without further testing. Do you have other children? Are you advanced maternal age or have you done any other testing?

  30. lilyofthewest

    pear / 1621 posts

    @Shantuck: My first pregnancy was successful - my kid will be 3 in May. I am AMA (36). I know the odds are that it is AMA related nondisjunctions/aneuploidies...which means just pushing through and continuing to try before the odds get worse.

  31. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    @lilyofthewest: I hope you are able to find some answers. I'm AMA as well and my problems with TTC all happened when trying to conceive kid #2 at 35. One thing that has helped me with the age related egg quality issues (which might not be what you are dealing with so feel free to disregard my unsolicited advice) has been taking ubiquinol (the reduced form of CoQ10). It might be worth a try if you haven't tried it yet... I think @crazydoglady also tried it and had some success.

  32. crazydoglady

    persimmon / 1478 posts

    @lilyofthewest: Just to chime in, I used the ubiquinol and got pregnant month 9 of trying after having no issues with LO. I am so sorry for all that you have been through, but am wondering if it is seriously just the worst luck ever since all of your losses have been so different.

  33. FoolsintheRain

    olive / 63 posts

    I read through much of the old thread in my insomia state last night and decided to stop lurking and post on this one this am. Will read through during nap time today. But roll calling for now.
    Date of loss: CP (technically as only 5 weeks bjt had progressing darkening lines before bleeding and then a negative test) in january

    How long are you waiting to TTC again: hoping to try this cycle. Waiting to o which should be in a day or two

    Any kids: Dd is 23 mo

    How are you feeling? Less gutted than i was a week ago but anxious and worried about it not being just a one time thing. Didnt have a porblem conceiving before but know from all these boards that secondary infertility is a real thing. This loss was on our second cycle trying and now it feels like its the start of an never ending nightmare. Ugh i sound depressed.

  34. FoolsintheRain

    olive / 63 posts

    @karenbme: how are you doing with the stresses now? How's this cycle going? Are you temping! I used to do a lot of arts and crafts to take my mind off things but feeling totally ambivalent about that stuff now.

    Just chiming in and trying to get a bit more active here as I'm somewhere in limbo post cp and taking about ttc alllll the time but think that everyone else around me doesn't want to hear about It and agonize over it with me.

  35. karenbme

    apricot / 372 posts

    @FoolsintheRain: Sorry to hear about your loss. I totally get the feeling of never ending cycle. We conceived the first cycle, but between the three months I was pregnant and the two months it took to get through the miscarriage and get my period again, it took 5 months just to get back to square one. Everything I've read and heard from the doctor, though, is that the vast majority of losses are one time events, so I do take comfort in that. There are cases where it's recurrent, but they're rare.

    How I'm feeling is a really complicated question. It's been hard, because on the one hand I want, badly, to be pregnant again, but I'm also really nervous and feel like if/when that happens I won't trust it because of the loss. I tried temping before, and could never remember to actually do it, so I haven't been temping. I did OPKs, and I think I ovulated early this month ~CD8 (11 is normal for me). I have been obsessively symptom spotting, too, partly because I don't know what to expect and partly because I really want to make it happen again quickly. My boobs have been achy and I've been cramping mildly pretty much the whole second half of my cycle, which wouldn't have been normal before, but who knows if it means anything because I've been so off. AF is due next week, so we'll see.

  36. karenbme

    apricot / 372 posts

    @FoolsintheRain: Also, the POAS board is great for letting out the obsessive TTC thoughts that we all have.

  37. LittleMissKeiko

    coffee bean / 30 posts

    Date of loss: Treated with MTX for ectopic (8 weeks) Oct 5. 2nd MTX required on Oct 27.

    How long are you waiting to TTC again: We waited the 3 months as advised by the OB.

    Any kids: DD 2yo and Angel

    How are you feeling? Petrified that I’m going to have another ectopic. Determined for my rainbow.

  38. Shantuck

    persimmon / 1494 posts

    @LittleMissKeiko: Sorry to hear what you’ve been through. Hope you get your rainbow baby soon!

  39. karenbme

    apricot / 372 posts

    @LittleMissKeiko: So sorry. I'm also in my first month ttc, and the anxiety is real. I didn't have an ectopic, but I try to remind myself that repeat loss is rare, and I'm much more likely to have a healthy pregnancy than another loss.

  40. FoolsintheRain

    olive / 63 posts

    @LittleMissKeiko: so sorry for your loss

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