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TTC After Loss Part II

  1. skinnycow

    persimmon / 1090 posts

    @bhbee: I'm sorry - I hope that the little baby joins your family soon Agreed that the holidays are tough.

    How soon post-D&C did everyone ovulate/get their period back? Not that I'm TTC yet. I'm pretty sure I'm about to ovulate based on CM but I wasn't expecting it so soon because it's only been two weeks.

    I have my post-op appointment with my OB on Monday. They did testing on the tissue so I'm curious to see if they found out any info from that. I don't think it will give me any type of closure if they did, though.

  2. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2692 posts

    @bhbee: I'm sorry It does feel like the holidays make this more difficult.

    This was the day last yr I found out I was pregnant so it's really tough thinking I still don't have a baby or even a healthy pregnancy.

  3. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2916 posts

    @bhbee: I'm really sorry I think you can be enormously grateful for what you have and still feel that something is missing. And this is especially true with loss... Thinking of you

  4. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1948 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: I'm so sorry you're feeling low. I'm thinking of you and hope your rainbow is on his or her way
    @bhbee: I'm so sorry you feel those pangs. You can be thankful for what you have while also mourning what you don't. Take care of yourself.
    @skinnycow: I had a natural m/c but it took 3.5 weeks for me to get my first period after the miscarriage. I had random EWCM about 2 weeks after the miscarriage which was confusing but I definitely didn't ovulate then. Hope this helps. Thinking of you!
    @mrskansas: Thinking of you

  5. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @bhbee: hugs to you friend! I am praying you get that completed feeling soon with a sweet rainbow baby of your own.

    @ChiCalGoBee: thank you sweet lady! I am noticing I’m kind of in a cycle - I get hopeful, then think about being on month six trying and get a little less hopeful. I think my highs and lows are evening out a bit but I still find it hard. But prayers and distraction activities are helping. And HB is helping too! 😉

  6. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3952 posts

    @mrskansas:

    @skinnycow: i think it’s possible but could be hormones faking you out. I ovulated 4 weeks after but i was also further along i think at the d&c. Either way though I’d say it’s a good sign your hormones are getting back in order.
    I don’t think tissue testing gave me closure, but it somehow felt better to know it was a random genetic event (a trisomy for me) ... makes it less likely to happen again vs a more systemic issue. And for me at least there’s always that 1% thought that maybe i did something wrong ... so it was good to know what it was and not be wondering.

  7. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2916 posts

    @mrskansas: Thinking of you friend IF is so unfair.

    @skinnycow: I didn't ovulate my first post D&C cycle - my hcg was also pretty high though at the time of the D&C, and it wasn't until after my first post-loss period that hpts started fading out. My cycle did go right back to normal after that, I think acupuncture really helped with this. We did tissue testing as well and it did help to provide closure for me, even though it also highlighted some longer run health risks from the pregnancy that we still have to monitor (but this is super rare and unlikely to come up). Because of some weird manifestations in that pregnancy, my RE thought that the loss wasn't caused by genetics but by placental issues that prevented the baby from getting nutrients, but it turned out that it was a genetic issue and I was just so relieved that he hadn't starved to death, which completely broke my heart to think about... thinking of you and hoping you'll get some closure with time, however it comes

  8. karenbme

    cherry / 216 posts

    Hello all. Wanted to introduce myself to the board and have a question for the group. So here goes:

    Date of loss: 11/17/17, though the baby had stopped developing at least 2 weeks prior.

    How long are you waiting to ttc? I don't know yet, DH wants to try right away, but I'm almost sure I'm not going to be ready. We're 33 and 34 though, so I feel like I don't have the time to play with that some people do, particularly since the goal has always been two kids.

    Any kids? No, this was my first pregnancy.

    How are you feeling? Shattered. I was never the one in my relationship who felt a strong drive to have kids, and when I found out I was pregnant I kind of freaked out, but over the few weeks we had with this baby I got really excited. It was gutting to hear that the baby wasn't going to survive, and made me feel like I'd failed not only myself but my husband who will be the greatest dad if he ever gets the chance.

    My question for the group is when/how did you know you were ready to try again? DH and I have agreed that it has to be my decision to start trying, but I have no idea how to approach it. A big part of me right now wants to just stick my head in the sand and say never again.

  9. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3952 posts

    @karenbme: I’m sorry for your loss but we have a great group to support you here

    This is so new - i would just give it time. I know for many of us the first month after was really hard emotionally and hormonally, but as it starts to even out (especially post your first period) i think you will have a better idea what you want to do next. It does change your perspective on ttc to have a loss, but there are lots of rainbow babies out there who show good things are possible

  10. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @karenbme: I’m so sorry you are joining our board because it is a hard journey.

    I wasn’t ready right away even though I’m older than you (almost 40) and really worried about dropping fertility. Even worried, mentally I had to get through the first post loss period (40 days in my case) before I started to feel like I could try again. And even then, I was scared that we might conceive and the same thing would happen. I think my trying in July was kind of half hearted - but I was glad to at least feel like I was trying. I can say that about three months later - I was committed to trying again because emotionally I was in a better place.

    It does get better - never easy - but better as time goes on.

  11. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2916 posts

    @karenbme: I'm sorry

    I was 33 at the time of my loss, and did also worry about my age. We started trying again right away after the loss, I think in part it was easy to do mentally since we were seeing an RE at the time who thought we'd need treatment to get pregnant, but who said never hurts to try in the meantime. We really didn't think it would work. Much to my shock I did get pregnant a couple of months later; it didn't stick either but I don't regret giving it a shot and TBH I recovered more quickly than from the first loss, in part because it was earlier and in part because I'd just been there. After that, I got pregnant again - again w/o treatments - and so far it's stuck. Some people have a harder time getting pregnant after a loss, which I know absolutely sucks, whereas others get a post-loss fertility boost. The latter was definitely true for me, so I'm really glad I tried, even though the back to back losses were hard.

  12. skinnycow

    persimmon / 1090 posts

    Hope everyone had a good holiday

    My grandmother (who knows about the miscarriage) gossiped to me for 20 mins about my cousin who is apparently due the same week I would have been due. I just kinda looked down and said "uh huh" the whole time and DH was SO pissed. People are just insensitive I guess...

  13. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3952 posts

    @skinnycow: I’m sorry. Not on that scale but my brother said some insensitive stuff to me too. I’m thinking this should be obvious, I’m already spending my holiday with your 2 month old who should be 6 weeks older than mine, but he just is one of those people who has no tact.

    For me it was kind of a bittersweet holiday time because holidays make me want a bigger family, and watching dh and my 5yo with their baby made my heart lurch, so tried to focus on being thankful for the blessings i have especially as we go into Christmas which i love. But a couple times i felt really sad.

  14. karenbme

    cherry / 216 posts

    @skinnycow: So sorry you had to go through that. The people who know but just ignore it are so weird to me. My mother and father in law were the first people that my husband and I told, but my mother in law never even asked how we were doing, even though we were at their house Friday and Saturday. Ignoring it/trying to focus on other things just it makes a hard situation worse, and I'm sorry that happened to you.

    Same as others, I'm sure, our holiday was bittersweet. Spending time with nieces and nephews was hard, and my sister in law kept handing off her 6 month old to me in particular. I think she thought it might be comforting, but I'm sure everyone here knows that when it's fresh holding a baby isn't a comfort. My family was great, though. There aren't any kids on that side, yet, so we could talk more openly, and my dad and step-mom lost a pregnancy at one point, and they were great about talking about the baby and my pregnancy. Not erasing it or pushing us to move on, but talking about how we felt while I was pregnant and we were excited.

  15. skinnycow

    persimmon / 1090 posts

    @karenbme: I'm sorry you had a rough time over the holiday too. It sucks when people ignore it... most people that I've told haven't really asked how I'm doing.

  16. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3952 posts

    @karenbme: hugs

    I’m all over the map this week. I’ve been feeling pessimistic and really done with the whole thing, and wondering how long we keep trying. Then today my mom mentions she and my brother/sil really noticed over thanksgiving how much my husband loved their 2mo baby and i almost started crying and couldn’t say anything. So i guess I’m still invested! I know it’s not necessarily all my fault but i hate not being able to give my family something they want.

    And then of course i notice my sense of smell being up today and some nausea. Then i think of course you do because you feel this way every cycle at 7dpo or so! But i suppose the hope never really dies even though i really expect s bfn.

  17. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2916 posts

    @bhbee: "I know it’s not necessarily all my fault" - I'd phrase this as, it's not one bit your fault, not one single teeny tiny bit your fault. I'm sure your mom meant well with the comment, but really she shouldn't have said it given that she knows that you've been trying and had losses. It feels like rubbing salt in a wound, and rather than being quiet, if it had been me I probably would have burst into uncontrollable tears right then and there. Thinking of you and sending so many hopeful thoughts.

  18. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2692 posts

    @bhbee: NONE of what has happened is in any way your fault. I know how difficult that is to believe because I still have those thoughts myself, but it is true.

  19. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3952 posts

    @mrskansas: @periwinklebee: thanks friends

  20. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @bhbee: your post made me tear up. I agree with everyone - it’s not your fault at all!!!! There are things which happen that are totally beyond our control. You are trying and that is pretty much all we can do when ttc. I am so sorry you were hurt by these comments - it makes me so very sad.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  21. karenbme

    cherry / 216 posts

    @bhbee: So sorry, and let me just reiterate what everyone else has been saying--it's not your fault, not even the tiniest bit. You are doing everything you can. And don't feel bad if you feel like you need to take a break or stop entirely, either. This stuff is draining. So many hugs.

  22. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    Ladies - I want to say thank you. You all have helped me through the last six months after my loss so so so very much.

    I do have happy news. I got a bfp this morning. And I just tested again and it’s already way darker. I’m 11 dpo so I’m hopeful that this one will go better for us. I’m going to use my only frer tomorrow to see how it looks. I’m scared and happy and excited. Tomorrow’s my birthday so this is the best present. I don’t know what will happen - I am scared - but will keep praying and be hopeful.



  23. Raspberry

    kiwi / 524 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: I hope you get a nice dark line tomorrow!

  24. skinnycow

    persimmon / 1090 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Congratulations!!! What a great birthday present

  25. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @skinnycow: @Raspberry: thank you both. I’m over the moon even though I know I’ll be scared for awhile during the first trimester.

  26. bhbee

    pomegranate / 3952 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: congrats!! So hope this one is your Christmas miracle baby

  27. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @bhbee: thank you sweet lady.

  28. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1948 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: YES YES YES!!!! Congratulations!! So happy and hopeful for you

  29. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: thank you! And thank you for the hope - I get so nervous just thinking about being pregnant again. I wish it didn’t happen to any of us - so so so so glad for this wonderful group of ladies.

  30. ChiCalGoBee

    GOLD / pear / 1948 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: I know what you mean. My first appointment is Monday and I'm a wreck. I can't even let myself be excited because I'm so afraid it won't turn out well. My motto has been "one day at a time" and I'm trying to stick to it. Please keep us posted

  31. chypmunk

    cherry / 197 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: YAYYY I've been lurking on your board waiting for this!!!! SOOO happy for you!

  32. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @chypmunk: thank you sweet friend!!! I’m glad we can be on a HB first baby journey together since I won’t be that far behind you!

  33. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3006 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: congratulations!!

  34. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @theotherstark: thank you!!!! :heart

  35. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    Ladies - I just took a frer this morning (it’s bright and early in germany). It looks great for approximately 12 dpo. At least I think so. I posted the picture on the December poas Board

    But I wanted to share because I think you will understand - I was so nervous. And I see a good line for this early and I got worried - will it get darker, will I keep this one????? It’s surprising how testing made me nervous - I didn’t expect it because I felt such joy the last time. Of course I didn’t know what was coming the last time.

    I am trying to find the joy and be like @ChiCalGoBee: to take one day at a time. I don’t think there is much else I can do anyways.

  36. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3006 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: the way I looked at it was that every pregnancy deserves to be celebrated, so even though I was nervous when I got a positive again, I still couldn’t help but get excited, and tried to stay hopeful about it. You are pregnant, and you can only take it one day at a time. Congratulations again!! Sending sticky baby vibes!!

  37. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @theotherstark:

  38. chypmunk

    cherry / 197 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: I completely understand! When I got my bfp last month I was in shock, then I cried not necessarily out of happiness even though I was over the moon, but out of pure fear. Will I be able to have my rainbow? Will I have a sticky bean? How long will the joy last with this one? Before the ball drops.. it’s so amazingly scary yet you have so much joy... I’ve learn to take one day at a time ( I’m still shitting my pants) and just treasure every moment

  39. periwinklebee

    GOLD / nectarine / 2916 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: So, so happy for you!!!

    Feel whatever you need to and don't worry if it doesn't seem like how you should feel. After two losses - including one where we saw a hb several times - I honestly couldn't muster up any joy about pregnancy #3 during the first tri - even though it was desperately wanted. I don't feel any regret about that because honestly it just wasn't a place I could go emotionally at the time. It's all about whatever you need to feel to be as functional as possible in your day to day life. I did take time to really stop and celebrate reaching important milestones once we got past the point of prior losses. Thinking of you and sending so many congratulations!!!

  40. MrsJBeeG

    apricot / 442 posts

    @chypmunk: lol. Thank you for sharing. It is so amazing to be this happy yet so worried. Glad I’m not alone in my mixed up feelings.

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