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TTC After Loss Part II

  1. FoolsintheRain

    olive / 63 posts

    @karenbme: haha thanks for the poas board tip! Clearly i jumped right on that!

    I hear you on symptom spotting. Right now im not pregnancy symptom spotting as much as worrying every cramp and twinge means something is wrong with my body and that is why i had a cp. It doesnt help that i am a community nurse with a palliative caseload that really triggers my medical anxiety.

  2. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    So I'm in my first two week wait since my December loss. I skipped last month since it would have given me a due date that would not have allowed me to travel to my BIL's wedding in September. I think I ovulated on Monday but admittedly I haven't been charting so that's only a guess. I'm actually feeling pretty relaxed about the whole thing. This would be kid #3 and while I know I would never regret adding to my family, I also see the positives in moving beyond the newborn stage of life. I'm also probably crazy but I decided I'm tired of my job after 5 years and I have an interview next week. It took 14 months to get pregnant with my second kid so I don't want to stay at a job I don't like just because I might get pregnant eventually.... So lots of eggs in lots of different baskets and waiting to see what sticks. What are others in this group up to? Any others in their 2ww?

  3. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @Shantuck: I think it’s great to be looking forward and going for things that will make you happy! I was only getting to that point at the end of our ttc for #3 and those months between really dragged me down. Good luck with the interview! And the 2ww

    As for me, 18w today and definite anxiety about the upcoming anatomy scan. My d&c was at the end of March last year and maybe that’s messing with my head. I know it’s normal to be worried about the milestones so I’ll be happy to be past it!

  4. karenbme

    persimmon / 1418 posts

    @Shantuck: I tried for the first time after my Nov. loss last month, but am sitting this month out because an early December due date would mean I'd probably miss two semesters for the grad program I'm in rather than just one--baby would be due during finals week for the fall term and only 4 weeks old at the start of spring. Not trying is almost as hard as trying was. I don't know if anyone else feels this, but I'm pretty desperate to be pregnant again, but then again I'm old (34 next month), don't have any kids yet and want two, so the clock's ticking.

    It's awesome that you're not putting your life on hold/letting ttc get in the way of things like changing jobs. That sort of stuff is hard. You don't want to hold things up for a hypothetical, but it's also hard to face that it might not happen. But I also got pregnant right away last time, so it's probably different if you feel like you have time. Side note: because I got pregnant right away I wound up going to Scotland at 7 weeks last time, and had such a hard time on the planes with motion sickness--totally puked my guts out. So now I'm trying to decide if it's worth it to plan a trip for this summer. It'd be nice to do like a last pre-kids something (which is what Scotland was supposed to be) but I don't want to wind up on a plane at 7 weeks ever again.

  5. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @bhbee: I hope your anatomy scan goes smoothly. Pregnancy after loss is so hard. It feels like you can never let your guard down...

    @karenbme: I struggled a lot when I was trying to get pregnant with my daughter with making plans, buying new clothes, etc. I kept trying to push things off because I kept thinking it would happen soon. My new mantra is "worry about it when it's a problem." If I were you, I'd try to move forward with making vacation plans, etc. The TTC period is so much more bearable when you have distractions. Maybe just pick something with a shorter plane ride just in case, though?

  6. karenbme

    persimmon / 1418 posts

    @Shantuck: “It’ll be a good distraction” is how I wound up on a plane during my first trimester last time 😂. I get not holding things up over a hypothetical, but some things you never want to do again. DH is convinced we can find something that’s driving distance that would be exciting, but I’m more skeptical of that. Once you’ve done small town New England, you’ve done small town New England.

  7. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @karenbme: For what its worth, I've been sicker with my loss pregnancies than with my successful pregnancies. I know everyone is different but I never had morning sickness with my successful pregnancies but with my loss pregnancies I was trying my best not to puke in my son's school parking lot daily. It was like my body knew something was off...

  8. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    hey guys.. It's been a while since I've been on here!

    I've been having a hard time lately. I really thought this cycle was going to be it.. I had a dream that I took a test and it was + and then I had a dream about giving birth to the most beautiful baby girl. I felt depressed for the entire day because it felt so real
    I really don't believe that I will ever be pregnant again despite being "normal" medically speaking. I'm trying to accept being one and done but it is so hard lately.

    Sorry for the ramble!

  9. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @mrskansas: been thinking about you lately and wondering how you were doing. No words of wisdom but no need to apologize for bringing your feelings here! This is a place where we all understand

  10. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    Hey all! I'm back after a 4+ month break. We had an ectopic last Oct/Nov that concluded in December. This is the first month my doctor said we could go back to trying. We aren't trying per se, but we certainly didn't prevent. My OB actually left in December so I had a different OB (the one who delivered my second son by extremely emergent cesarean) look over my history. She said my testing back in 2012 for antiphospholipid antibody syndrome wasn't complete. They did some but not all of the tests. So, for now my plan is to not prevent, take a baby aspirin, and see about getting the rest of those tests run.

    I'm so checked out this time. I really want another baby but I'm broken over all these losses. I don't want to go through this all again. I know the end result is worth it, but it sucks so bad. The new OB did point out that I have never had more than 2 consecutive losses and that I have produced two healthy babies (miscarriage, miscarriage, Baby Boy, blighted ovum, Baby Boy, miscarriage, ectopic). So, hopefully we will have a good outcome this next time.

  11. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @mrskansas: @Dr. Pepper: I'm sorry for all you ladies have been through. This is all just so hard.

    I'm still in my two week wait. I think I'm probably 10 dpo but I'm not planning on testing until I'm late. I'm kind of scared of it being positive because I'm scared of the whole first trimester shittiness only to be followed by a D&C (I've had 3 losses - DS, natural loss @ 7 weeks, D&C at 10 weeks, DD, D&C at 10 weeks).

  12. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    Hey everyone. I'm at a milestone that I've never been at before and it sucks more than I realized it would.

    Tomorrow would be the delivery date for the baby I miscarried back in August (if it hadn't come prior to 39 weeks). I've never made it to a due date without being very pregnant by the time the due date comes. But after that miscarriage we had a very long very drawn out ectopic that ended in methotrexate- so we couldn't try for 3 months. Last month was our first month trying again and BFN.

    I didn't realize how much it would suck. But it sucks. It really sucks. I could have a tiny little baby tomorrow, but instead I have nothing.

    I'm going to be hugging my two little boys tight tonight for sure.

  13. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: just wanted to send a big hug. I had that experience last year too as it just took a while to get a good bfp. I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough go this past year. Hoping now that you can try again good things come your way

  14. skinnycow

    pear / 1728 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: I'm sorry I can imagine that it's a terrible feeling.

    My due date would have been two months from now (coincidentally we'll be trying again shortly after that date). Thankfully we have a Disney trip and family wedding to distract us in the meantime but I'm so ready to join this board and start trying again.

  15. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: It's so tough to hit those milestones. I hit that milestone about 2 weeks before I got pregnant with my daughter. I had had a loss in June, another in December, and then February rolled around and it was really tough. However, two weeks after that, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Life is crazy and things can change quickly. I hope you get some good news soon.

  16. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    @skinnycow: Yes I think you were on the June 2018 board with me when I had my ectopic. I has a due date of June 6 for that one, so I get to have this feeling again in a few months

  17. skinnycow

    pear / 1728 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: Yes I was! I hope you get a BFP before the next date comes.

  18. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    Ugh! Just coming here to vent. I'm 38 and had a loss in December (we were trying for kid #3 - currently have a 6 year old and a 1.5 year old). We have tried a couple months since my loss but have had a few months where there were impediments to trying (one month we were sharing a room with the kiddos on vacation, another month DH was out of town, etc.) I also decided to switch jobs even though the new job wouldn't have maternity leave benefits until I'd been there with a year and our plan was to keep trying and just figure things out if I were to end up pregnant before my benefits kicked in. Flash forward to yesterday and I had a positive opk and my husband announces that he's now not sure about going for #3. He says he barely feels like we have a grasp of life with two WOH parents and our 20 month old is a full-fledged tantruming toddler. He also mentioned that he barely feels bonded with our 20 month old (who is a major mama's girl) and that he used to think about what our older child would be doing at school during his work day but doesn't really think about our daughter while he's off at work (Ugh! But that's another frustration for another day!). I feel like I can't shake the feeling of wanting a third and I'm so frustrated that the time lapse has basically caused him to have cold feet about the plan. If things had worked out, I would have a 4ish week old in my arms and instead I have a DH who appears to have changed his mind....

  19. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2645 posts

    @Shantuck: Gosh I'm sure that's totally frustrating - you feel like you were both on board with the idea of #3 and now he's going back on that. My best friend just went through something similar. She just gave DH some space for 2-3 months (their toddler was also in a hellish phase that was scaring off DH). She readdressed it once things were a tad calmer and now they are expecting #3. Definitely frustrating though.

  20. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @yellowbeach: All the waiting after a loss is the worst! I'm so over it - especially when it is now something within our collective control. How is your situation progressing? Any AF yet?

  21. skinnycow

    pear / 1728 posts

    @Shantuck: I'm sorry - that must be so frustrating for you. Hopefully it's a short phase and he'll change his mind.

    My husband waffles on this all the time. He originally wanted four kids, then we had DD and he decided that MAYBE he wanted a second, and now that we're back to trying for #2 after MC he says he wants four kids again. I've always wanted three so I'm hoping he doesn't go back to wanting only two after we (hopefully) have a second.

  22. yellowbeach

    nectarine / 2645 posts

    @Shantuck: Go back for a beta tomorrow morning which will hopefully be zero. I started something resembling AF back on 7/19 but since then have had all combos of spotting to light flow, including today. So my RE isn't convinced this is really AF, and I guess neither am I. Who knows. Hopefully will also have a TVUS this week to look and ensure the retained POC is gone gone. But yes, more waiting.

  23. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @Shantuck: I'm so sorry

    My husband is fairly reluctant/ambivalent about whether he wants a second (which is fine and I understand) but I'm already dreading given my history trying for LO1 that we'll end up in a similar situation if we do try for another, with it taking a long time and him changing his mind about whether he actually wants it... anyways, no insight but lots of sympathy

  24. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @periwinklebee: It took 14 months to get pregnant with LO2 and now I'm older. He seems to think we have all this time to change our mind later... So frustrating! Sorry you're going through something similar!

  25. periwinklebee

    grapefruit / 4466 posts

    @Shantuck: I really hope you are able to get back on the same page soon

  26. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @Shantuck: just wanted to sympathize ... we had a lot of uncomfortable conversations after my last loss because dh was waffling on #3. I was pretty messed up from the loss for a while, and really wanted to move on and try again. He was all over the place during the 8 months we tried post loss. A lot of wanting to quit and I just couldn’t especially after what we’d been through. Oddly enough though he was the one who convinced me to keep trying the last month or so and we finally did get another Bfp. It’s like me being ready to quit made him realize he was just talking and not really sure about being done for good.

    It’s sooooooo frustrating ... I hope he comes around soon!

  27. Shantuck

    pear / 1767 posts

    @bhbee: Hopefully my DH comes around like yours did. Sigh.

  28. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6085 posts

    @Shantuck: it’s a long lonely road - hugs!!

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